There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Not sure how close you are or if it would be suitable but there is the world of Beatrix Potter experience in Crag Brow bowness on windermere, I remember going as a child and loving it and I expect it’s even better now since the films.

Butlins is also a good one for single mums and lots of entertainment! It will get easier OP. Now when I go away I just hear married couples snipping with each other and feel happy to be by myself 😂. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and you doing amazingly 🥰

I think you should definitely start a new tradition with your new DCs ... different, fun holidays with you, their mum, something you can start to plan together.

You’ll be much more in your stride and hopefully more self confident by this time next year. You’ll have found out the kind of dad he really is and wether he can carry on the 50/50 long term.
I feel like without realising he has knocked your confidence somewhat over the years even when you thought things were great.

You have been amazing throughout this. Your focus is never you and is always your children. Whilst he is the other way around. Your kids will notice over time. Keep going but accept any help you can and that you need. Enjoy your last day

We got to the lake and got caught in the rain but still made the most of it 🥰

I hope I am so much further on this time next year than I am at the moment. He probably has knocked my confidence to some degree but it’s still hard to see that at the moment.

You are still only weeks into it all, is it even 2 months yet since he left ?

Next year's summer holiday will be different - you will be booking it for the family you now are, the little ones will be a whole year older and no potty training etc. and 50/50 if it's still happening will be the every day ' normal ' so hopefully all the children will be well adjusted to it.

You have a lot of ' firsts ' still to happen, everyone's birthdays / Christmas / Mother's Day / Father's Day ! and he may even take them away on holiday next year...

One step at a time, one day at a time.

You WILL get there ! I promise you.

No not yet, he left in June. I know, I’m absolutely dreading every “first”. It’s also a kick in the teeth that we sign the conditional order of the divorce, the day after what would’ve been our 5th wedding anniversary. We’ve done the first Father’s Day already but I’m not expecting the first Mother’s Day to be anything great. My mum will probably be the one who sorts something out for me.

Re mothers Day, your DC are little... so make your own traditions. Doesn't matter which day you pick, but have a cake, give them a budget and let them choose some little presents to wrap.. Maybe take granny so she can help them too and you can celebrate her at the same time. Make a special tea for all of you and just treat it as a celebration. They will remember that's the way to do it when they are older and its good training for them and fun for them to buy their own presents etc. You will have a lovely day doing this without some rotten spoilsport bringing everyone's day down.

I also thought about your comment "He will always think he had no fault in our marriage breaking down" and how sad that's making you feel. But you know that is completely unrealistic for him to think that way. And how telling, when you have been wracking your brains to think of what you could have done differently. How lovely for him to have no self doubts at all, no responsibility for anything, to be completely guilt free, At least that's what he's telling himself, as he walks out on his wife and children and tries to do the bare minimum of 50/50 for show to save money. But that is delusional and lacking in self knowledge. He is unworthy of you and your lovely DC.

You have your little ones with you, and you are giving them a lovely holiday and making new plans for yourself without this millstone around your neck. Hope you enjoy the peace and the rest of your holiday x

I think we need to revamp Mothers’ Day. I reckon the tradition should be families planning how to celebrate MD, rather than mothers hoping their DC have been wrangled by a parent or grandparent to come up with a surprise.

It would cut through all the risk and disappointment, and women could contribute to the discussion and teach them what works. ‘Breakfast in bed would be lovely, dear. Perhaps some fruit and a croissant! Not jam on burnt toast thanks’.

MD revamp: Hopefully no tea or coffee made with cold or hot water from the tap!

Just catching up on the last week or so now.
Yeah wouldn’t hold my breath on him sorting out the kids Mother’s Day. To be fair a lot of guys IN relationships don’t bother their backsides with that either.
Think we’ve all got stories on that front unfortunately.

Think you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come in a year considering how well you are doing now.

It’s something I’ll deal with at the time if he doesn’t make any sort of effort for it.

I have packed and gotten everyone bathed and fed, ready to head home in the morning. Me and the kids have still made some lovely memories but it’s not been as smooth as I’d hoped it would be. Probably expected too much for this “first” to be honest.

Imagine how it would have been if he’d been there though. I bet he’d have been tetchy about the rain and no doubt that would somehow have been your fault 😂😂😂

Potentially 🙄🤣

I have had a message from him earlier today to say that he may not be home for me to drop the kids off tomorrow as his car is in at the garage again and he’s unsure how long they’ll have it for tomorrow. I’ve told him we are expecting to be home by around 2pm so I will be at his house for that time.

I've watched all your threads as they unfolded. You have had such good advice, I had nothing to contribute. You have come so far in such a short space of time.

This again from him trying to impose his times on you? There we are then.

Lots of internet stranger support and love.

I suspect this car ‘issue’ will lead to him not being able to buy the things the children need for school as he’ll have used all his money paying for the car repairs.

More likely he is away on a holiday for a week and his flight won’t be in.
the man is a riot . Id be sending a solicitors letter , he sorts his nonsense out or no more 50/50 not like he is anyway . @mummy917

Yeah he has gone away somewhere and either can't or doesnt want to be back in time.

Well he can turn up at yours at 7am despite you saying "we agreed 10".....that works both ways bellend.

He is the bellend, not you @mummy917 just to be clear!

God, I’m embarrassed for him on so many counts. Perfect response from you, as ever.

I'm sorry you’ve found this week hard, but you’ve done it, and I’m sure your parents enjoyed speeding time with you and the kids (and vice versa). Now you can get home, get settled back properly into work and your routines and start to breathe more easily. You will be happy again - one day, even happier than you were before your hex decided adulting was too much trouble. Onwards and upwards ❤️💪

And finishing the tattoo....

I’m taking the eldest two to get their school shoes and shirts on Tuesday and have asked him for half of the money, but I doubt I’ll see it.

Who knows what he’s had going on this week while we’ve been away; he’s not FaceTimed the kids or anything or even asked to speak to them so he could be sitting in a sun lounger for all I know.

It has been nice to spend time with my parents and for them to have more quality time with the kids and I’m glad I did it, but I definitely can’t lie and say it’s been easy. It’s brought up a lot of painful emotions for me; ones I feel like I will be better equipped to deal with properly once I’m back home.

I can’t help feeling guilty that the kids haven’t had the best version of me this week either, as a result of how hard being here has hit me again.

It gets better. Next year will be your choice and you will make new traditions.

Everything will get better. Some of it will take more time than other things, but you are liberated from his control and can make your own decisions.

With respect to him being unavailable tomorrow, is this the third or fourth time he has not been able to keep the arrangements? This is now a pattern and has previous PPs have suggested, a solicitor's later would probably be appropriate.

I wouldn't offer to change, just state that you have both agreed the arrangements. Then list the times and dates when he didn't keep his side of the agreement.

Then restate the arrangements and say that you expect him to drop off/be there when you drop off on the xx date.

You may wish to get the solicitor to list the expenditure as well, the mattresses, the school uniforms etc and expect him to pay half.

Even if he ignores the payment, it is in writing and becomes evidence for any mediation and court hearing. It's part of the grey rock.

You are amazing. And we love you.

i totally understand that feeling! I’ve parented through some horrendous times and sometimes feel like I’ve really sold the kids short because I’m walking around feeling like I’ve got a belly full of bricks. But if you’re a good mum - and you are - your presence is enough for them, even if mentally you only feel partially there. You’ve got all the love and security you’ve given them over the years in the bank, and that carries them through the tougher times. Mum guilt is real, but it’s often the product of the high standards we hold ourselves to, rather than a reflection of how well we’re doing by our kids xx

Why doesn't TWAT take one child for the shoes / shirts on his day/s next week, and you take the other child.

50/50 right...

@mummy917

to say that he may not be home for me to drop the kids off tomorrow as his car is in at the garage

So, is this his 'revenge' for the time you told him 'no' to early drop off?

As far as MD and FD, expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. MD comes first so just wait and see what he does and do likewise. But don't hold your breath.