Potential partner is very fat

[BetsyB0O]

We met online. Chatted for a few months before meeting up cause he was living out of the area.

He did tell me he was overweight but he is much more overweight than I thought. Probably over 25 stone at a guess.

He says he’s starting on weight loss meds soon.

I know this sounds awful but the weight is an issue for me. Not all to do with appearance there are other issues. Like he is restricted in movement due to being heavy and this obviously would cause issues say if we wanted to travel etc. Then there’s the other health risks.

I feel really awful and shallow. He is perfect in other ways. Kind, funny, etc etc. He makes me feel safe.

What do I do?

If it’s a deal breaker then you don’t have to see him again.

YANBU this would be a dealbreaker for me too

It’s ok to want a partner you’re physically attracted to.

You can break up with a man for any reason at all. Or no reason.

If you aren’t attracted to him that’s that. No-one has to justify physical attraction. I think you need to say that you are very fond of him but the spark isn’t there for you. There’s no need to mention the weight, he’ll know.

It’s not awful or shallow. It’s ok to want a partner that you are attracted to, that you can do things together with, that you don’t think will hold you back and that takes an interest in their health.

I wouldn’t want to be with a fat person as it wouldn’t suit my lifestyle and I wouldn’t be attracted to them.

He's just not for you , end it now.

Learn your lesson OP. Don't get involved if over weight or other things are deal breakers for you.
It's a matter of choice and preference.
No smokers, non drinkers, no drugs. no tattoos, no LDR etc.

It's not awful or shallow. He's either obese or morbidly obese (depending on height) and regardless of whether he's nice or not, if that element of him is a turn off, for whatever reason, that's okay.

Hm well I would probably not rule someone out for it if I was still attracted to them.

Some people lose and gain weight throughout their life for many different reasons.

However if you don’t fancy him then you don’t fancy him…

I really wish MNHQ would do something about these near daily fat shaming threads, it’s getting boring now 🥱 Obviously you can be attracted to whoever you like but seriously, coming online just to fat shame is a pretty sad existence! You know very well that all people are going to do is post about how repulsed they would be too etc etc and it’s just going to turn into one big bitch fest about people’s bodies like it always does.

How can someone be fat- shamed when they're completely unaware a post has been made about them? Unless he's an avid user of Mumsnet,of course.

Well At the moment he’s a stranger on the internet so obviously it’s fine not to want to take things further, for any reason. But I agree with @Mumwithagreenhousethese weak excuses to start a fat shaming thread are dull and unpleasant.
On the off chance you actually are genuine Op, this man has been kind and made you feel safe and in return you have held him up for public ridicule. So, maybe you’d be doing him a favour?

Probably over 25 stone at a guess.

Yikes!

I'm put off by that just reading about it.

My DP (soon to be husband) is a big lad. But as soon as I say him all I thought about was how gorgeous he is. Still is 6 years later! You are either attracted to him or you aren’t.

I wouldn't want to date someone obese. Slightly overweight fine, but obese no. Just like I wouldn't want to date someone skinny. Rather overweight than skinny- it's just a turn off for me.
And no tattoos or piercings either. No heavy drinker or smoker either. See @BetsyB0O we all got preferences and that's fine.

I wouldn't want to date anyone who is bald or losing their hair. That's definitely a deal breaker for me. We all have our preferences.

It’s not awful at all. I would never be able go out with someone morbidly obese because I find it quite revolting.
It would put me off my food, let alone the idea of sex! And someone who eats so much just doesn’t share my values.

I would just bring things to a close.

Just dump him - you can do it nicely. But YANBU.

My boyfriend is overweight not by a little either, but he's also very tall so his weight dosent look as bad. He keeps saying he's going to diet but ends up not. If you like everything else about him give it a go. Honestly before I met my boyfriend I wasnt attracted to overweight guys. Yes his weight is worrying but I love everything else about him. If you dont give it a go you could be passing up something that could potentially be the best thing for you.

Your values are… not eating too much?

Mad.

Mine are things like respect, decency, work ethic.

Send him my number!
I’d love to meet a chap who is as nice as you say.
Don’t give a toss about his weight.
Fat people travel.
Thin or average people can get health issues.
You are making a stereotype the problem.

Just because you don't want to date him doesn't mean you think he's a bad person, and if he's as nice as you say, he'll realise that. It's not a moral judgement, it's about what you want and are attracted to in your personal life.

I would struggle with that. Wouldn't make any difference for friendship or hiring for a job not related to physical fitness, but as a partner, it would put me off.

Also, I'm not at all judgemental about weight loss jabs but I don't know if I'd be reassured by that because unless he's on them for life, what happens when he stops the course?

Euww. No. And I wonder when he last saw his own dinkle....

YANBU. Everyone is fully entitled to their own preferences. The mere fact you've started a post on her about it, should tell you all there is to know that this guy isn't for you. If you can't see past the excess weight, then you can't. No amount of lying to yourself that it doesn't matter will work. And yes, it's not just the physical attraction (or lack of), which in itself is still a valid reason not to continue, but the practical implications are also very valid, as you say, difficulty with things like plane travel (and also attending shows/events etc where seating is cramped!), obvious health issues, even difficulty in buying clothes that fit and look good. All entirely valid concerns.