Potential partner is very fat

[BetsyB0O]

We met online. Chatted for a few months before meeting up cause he was living out of the area.

He did tell me he was overweight but he is much more overweight than I thought. Probably over 25 stone at a guess.

He says he’s starting on weight loss meds soon.

I know this sounds awful but the weight is an issue for me. Not all to do with appearance there are other issues. Like he is restricted in movement due to being heavy and this obviously would cause issues say if we wanted to travel etc. Then there’s the other health risks.

I feel really awful and shallow. He is perfect in other ways. Kind, funny, etc etc. He makes me feel safe.

What do I do?

But he said he’s going on weight loss injections, they can do wonders OP

Nope.

As a recovering fatty, if someone didn’t want me before I started losing weight, they don’t deserve me when I have.

You date the person in front of you, not the person you’d like them to change into.

You’d rule out Prince William?

Slim people can suddenly get issues with joints that affect travelling etc. Would you also have a problem with a partner who has disabilities?
Being overweight isn't necessarily caused by overeating-some previously very slim active people are now obese after illness, despite eating very little. Would you be happy if this was you, as it could be?

You say everything else is great and he is going on WLI. I'd give him a bit more time and see how you feel once he starts losing weight.

I met a guy like this with on-line dating.

The difference was he didn't say how big he really was, just that he was a 'big guy' so when I met him I got a real shock.
He was waiting in his car for me in a car park. When he got out of the car it rose about a foot. He was 25 stone if he was an ounce and not really very tall, maybe 5'7".
We went for a bar snack and he couldn't get into the carver chair by the table and had to sit on a stool.at the bar. So we ate lunch at the bar.

I didn't see him again.

You can bet that after that I always asked how big guys were.

I don't think I've ever seen a man question himself about not wanting to date an overweight woman.

Absolutely. 😁

Hmm, my exH had an affair because he said I'd 'put on weight'. I'd gone from 8.0 stone to 8.5 stone and I was 5'4".

Go figure.

You're allowed to have preferences, no matter how silly or serious they are. You're allowed to want a man with brown eyes instead of blue, if that's what you want. Don't be bullied into accepting things you don't want.

Good for you, but I disagree. OP stated that she liked this man for many of his qualities but the weight is an issue, and that’s fair enough. I love my partner, but it would be a problem for our marriage if he became morbidly obese and he’d actually agree as well.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. As you say it’s not only the appearance. I’d just tell him what you said here. That it’s not going to work.

And the arsehole didn't question himself.

That’s an awful lot of men you’re missing out on. What if you marry a man with gorgeous, thick hair and he goes bald? What if he is bald but has a wonderful personality ? Seems so dismissive and shallow.

I would. But not because he's bald.

I see plenty of slim men with overweight women. I have no idea how they are feeling about their weight, deep down. Maybe they are more accepting of overweight women.

I think that’s really sad for your partner.

But, it is different meeting someone already obese and putting the condition of them changing on you being with them.

Just don’t enter into the relationship if they’re not right for you, rather than waiting for them to become right.

We all have preferences.

I don't mind bald men, but as I am short I wouldn't want a guy much bigger then 5'7" because I'd feel intimidated.

I had 3 friends all about 5'10" who wouldn't look twice at a guy under 6'2" !

He isn't a friend, he's a partner. If he was a friend, you'd be fat phobic and horrible, but part of being partners is normally physical attraction. If that isn't there, then you probably aren't right for each other.

I've been married for 28 years - I chose carefully!

Obviously it happens. I've just never seen a man who didn't want to date overweight women agonising and questioning himself over it. But a lot of women who don't want to date overweight men do.

It’s actually not 😂😂

I love my partner and we’ve been together for 19 years. However, he has the same views on this as me. Morbid obesity is BAD. It’s bad for your health, and it limits you and can impact your relationship.

I love my partner very much, and I’ve supported him with weight loss over the course of his relationship, and even he has been on WLI last year.

We are very happy together, and his views are the same as mine on this. We both like to be healthy and active and walk a lot on holidays etc.

I would as well, because he's too tall.

Agree on this too!

See if he follows through with the weight loss jabs. If he does, and you enjoy his company give him a chance. If, after a month or so, he doesn’t, he’s not serious, you can tell him it’s not working out.