There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

The more this thread goes on, the more I understand why he claims the OP is controlling

Not controlling - but organised. I imagine keeping the show on the road with four young children requires military precision at times

This is excellent advice - keep a copy of your tenancy and council tax bill readily to hand and then they will have to leave you alone.

I didn’t suggest that the OP pay for it, and yes it would be a lot better for him to change the addresses on his accounts. I was just replying to someone who asked if it was possible to set up a divert in the UK.

It's such an easy come back for someone not contributing equally to call their partner controlling, when it literally is them just being organised, and knowing that if they aren't organised, they will be the one picking up the pieces when the supposed controlled partner invariably fails.

I would say it's hard for OP (and all of us who have had to do it ) to let go, as it does feel like the children will not get the standard of care they are used to. And that is really hard to accept. The letting go is a process, just like the grief of the relationship ending, only this one is even harder as it goes against all her parenting instincts.

I think you're doing really well.

Google calendar should work with a reasonable person but watch out for tattoo and haircut bookings and the inevitable “well I put it in the diary!”

Are you a man?
Do you have tattoos?
Are you a hopeless father?
Are you useless with money?

Are you the great twattoo himself? 😉

I worry that you still need/want contact with him to prove how much of a good wife and Mum you are so he will rethink his decision.

Worth having a good honest think about this OP.

@mummy917 Well done for just getting through each day !
You can only do what you think best & if it gives you peace of mind, so be it.

(This is the next to last page of your thread)

@alpha why are you getting so mad about this post? The op does what she feels is right for her children she doesn’t need people having at go at her you say you have read the whole post but you don’t seem to have taken it in properly. Her husband is useless she carried him through marriage and being a parent that’s not controlling it’s having to step up because he’s not capable. The op is only sorting stuff that will affect her kids and herself. This is being a good mum.

Thank you all, I really appreciate your support as always!

I don’t want my ex to rethink his decision. Yes I still love him. Do I wish I didn’t? Yes. Do I still miss him? Yes. Would I ever be able to put behind me what has happened if he said he wanted to come back? No. And that last bit is the most important thing. If he didn’t realise I was a loving wife and mum when he was with me, then that’s on him, not me.

I will start another thread xx

Could you please link to here. Thank you 😊

I think you can get advice from something like Experian.. It tells you exactly what cards and finances are registered to your address.. and there may be a facility for exactly this circumstance.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5556664-there-we-are-then-part-2?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

new thread xx

Unless @AlphaBravoGamma is Twatoo?!

The trouble with that would be that any mail addressed to them both in joint names would also be redirected, and the OP wouldn't know about it.

Maybe it's time for you to do likewise.

What do you mean?

You suggested the OP step away from the thread.

So why do I need to step away from the thread?

Why did you suggest the OP stepped away from this huge support network she has on here?

Why are you answering my question with a question? Do you not have an answer?

If you don’t think the op should be on it then what possible reason is there for you to be on it?

I'm just joining the dots @mummy917 . As a PP said, it looks like his new relationship is with someone out of area and he's away whenever he doesn't have the children. So this is why he's trying to book hair and twattoo appointments on your time. You were absolutely right to say no to his request. Flexibility is for an unavoidable situation like a hospital appointment or similar. He's never going to be flexible towards you because he just won't be here. He's just trying to take advantage. I think you could afford to be a bit more flexible when he's fully pulling his weight and is also willing to help you out.

I didn't say she shouldn't be on the thread, I said she could step away from it. She has had a lot of support and advice. I just think that posting every text her ex sends and posting so much personal information is possibly not helpful or a good idea. Maybe come and ask for support with the things she needs help with when they come up, not a daily update.