Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

The kids will cope. You will cope. Pay for legal advice. Do something proactive about it on Monday. You need to leave for your sake and theirs.

"Superiority complex" exactly @thepariscrimefiles ...he talks to me like I'm a child (talking v slowly..."would you like me to explain *insert any basic topic) and yet this is the man who has barely input into our adult life. He coasts completely. I went away for the weekend to see my elderly mum recently. And I left a long note to explain DC stuff as he has no idea about any of it and he told me on the phone "next time can you write the instructions in bullet points, not long text".

Wtfffffff

He talks to me like I'm his junior colleague. Yet he has zero responsibility. He leaves every bloody light on because he hasn't seen or paid a bill in years

Sorry. Ranting and raving isn't helping anyone

How can I still be stuck when I see him for what he is so clearly?

The young girls on the internet is unexpected though. As what the chatgpt stuff. My brain is still arguing with itself. The girls online were made to look like teenagers. I find it repulsive

Its v hard to know the dc will be ok when it feels like maybe I don't know or trust their dad at all.

They say Don't marry a man you wouldn't want to divorce. Thats what I've done. Ive married a man where the thought of divorcing him feels really scary.

I have lurked on here a bit but not said anything because you seem to be working through things really well yourself
Can you explain that statement though? What scares you about divorcing him?

Just to add I stayed years too long before divorce. Mostly due to my fear of societal judgement. It did happen but it wasn't as bad as I feared.

@Colourfulrainbowunicorns scared of the kids being unsafe. Scared of him trying to ruin my life.

Those are my main fears stopping me

Just end it already. Neither of you want this marriage.

I can understand this, but it sounds as if he is already ruining your life and your kids don't sound especially safe (looking back to what you said previously about his failure to put them to bed properly).

At least in leaving you would be shoing your kids what is and isn't acceptable and allowing them to have a safe happy life for at least half the time (if not more- many men who you think will go for 50-50 in order to fuck with you actually end up wanting far less- how is your husband going to keep up his busy gym/gaming/wanking schedule with kids in tow?)

It really sounds as if you need to bite the bullet. Get proper legal advice (not free) on the issues around leaving the house + have somewhere safe to go if necessary.

He’s already doing this. You got this.

Your children are young enough to adapt and the way their father behaves they are going to start soaking it in soon.
And by the way many of those girls aren’t made to look like young girls, they are young girls. Often trafficked, damaged young women and he sees them as pieces of meat.
I have a feeling he’s probably knee-deep in the manosphere. Once that happens, there is nothing to save the situation.
You seem to think he has all the power. You are the one who has contributed so much to buying the house and you are basically paying for everything now anyway.
You need some good legal advice, because you need to assert your own position.
There is an updated thread I’ve seen in here yesterday, a poster in an horrendous marriage who had the same fears as you and got out. It can be done.
As for doing 50/50 and worrying about the kids being with him, it’s very likely he ring be that interested. He’s too busy going the gym and looking at porn and weighing his bloody chicken.
Come on OP, you are bright and able.
He is not your friend from now on. You don’t have to try to cajole him or hope he sands s floor.
He does not give a toss. His mind is elsewhere with his muscles and his horrible fantasy life.
You cannot go on like this. Be practical and get some proper advice.

Here is the thread @BeachFace the end to see the poster’s recent update. She’s happy and settled now. It can be done….

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5291559-husband-has-stated-its-a-wifes-role-to-look-after-her-man

Wise words.

A v kind mumsnetter messaged me a solicitor recommendation who is v good at dealing with men as petty and manipulative as my DH - so I will be calling them on Monday. I just need to pick a solicitor and pay for it

You should see my inbox. Solicitors. Divorce coaches. Therapists. But im just not following through. Im obsessed with goggling, and emailing, and the one thing I need to do....leave....I cant do it. Im in perpetual "prepping".

Im going to sit him down and tell him the week of the 10th. Its going to be horrendous. I feel sick. Ive hidden the kids passports. All my devices are locked down. He has not access to my bank or social media.

Thank you for keeping pushing me

I dont know what more I need. He pays for barely anything. He's planning an affair. He ignores me day to day. He's sexist. He's petty. He's insecure yet egotistical. He makes snide remarks about my career, my appearance, my friends. We havent kissed in a year. And he's wanking off to teenagers.

I need to get a grip!!

You ARE getting a grip, OP!

You're doing just fine.

Don't let self-doubt and self-blame get in the way of your clear vision.

There was a long running thread by a poster called @ginge88 who had a husband similar to yours. He was incredibly horrible and condescending to her all the time and would slag her off to their small children. In reality he was a snivelling pathetic excuse for a man who went to pieces when she told him that she wanted to separate. She had a better job than him, earned more than him and did everything at home and for the children.

Your situation sounds very similar and I wish you all the best in getting rid of your toxic husband. You will totally thrive without him.

Oh my dear, I lost your thread for a while. Sorry it’s still so difficult for you.
This man is financially and emotionally abusing you. I’d love to hear him explain how your current financial arrangements are fair. It is abuse, and it is recognised as abuse. The way he speaks to you and his neglect of his children is more abuse. Pay for the solicitor, it’s an investment. Tell this arsehole of a man that you will no longer finance his journey into the manosphere. If he is horrible to you, particularly in front of the children, press record. That is emotionally abusive to you and your children. And he can be removed in consequence.
If you are frightened that he will hurt you or the children physically, speak to the Police. Ending a marriage can result in violence, even if that hasn't been a feature previously, so plan around that potential.
Has he given you any money this month? . He fails to provide , he doesn’t even pay for himself let alone the kids, there has to be a way to get the fucker out.