Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

But i can take them away for a few days surely? In the immediate aftermath? If he starts being crazy in the house - hurling himself around, sobbing etc.

Please @BeachFace don't instigate anything before you've spoken with someone from Women's Aid or the likes and have a concrete plan of how to proceed. You are fearful of how he will react and therefore you should be operating on the premise that he might harm you and/or the children. You've put up with him for all this time, it's better to take the time to ensure that you have everything in place you need for your and your DC immediate and long-term support. By all means, if you have the opportunity (especially if it won't arise suspicions in him) take your DC on a break somewhere while you're getting everything lined up. But you would be foolhardy if you think you can just tell him you're leaving, then take off "for a few days" and everything will be honkey dory from then on. Take expert advice on how to safely navigate this. Wishing you well.

Absolutely yes. I was responding to someone asking if you could stay with your parent’s as you wouldn’t want that to become a permanent thing where he refuses to sell the house

Imagine if all our passing thoughts about a partner were as visible as thatjj Chat GPT log.

People are using Chat GPT as a private therapist. There are no relationships with nothing wrong, so Chat GPT used like this could easily end up with a list of complaints even in a basically loving relationship.

It could be one mood on one day, which once upon a time you would never have known about.

This could start happening a lot with Chat GPT. That link from a pp with a similar story is interesting and sad.

I apologise OP. I was just thinking generally and what I said was not about you, just the general predicament of once private becoming exposed through AI.

Your situation is a different one where all his behaviour towards in everyday actual life is off too.

He has spent the last decade saying he has no sympathy for men who cheat. He's a real "family man"

Men who say this are usually resentful of men who do and are getting sex elsewhere, or they have just never had the opportunity to do it themselves.

I’ve read loads of threads on here where women have said this and it’s bc a younger, attractive, fun, childless, unattached woman has just joined their husband/partner’s workplace and is in his close orbit every day and finds the safe, older, slightly nerdy but sweet senior family man an appealing choice for a fling or to start a serious relationship with. Up til then they’ve been good old dependable Nigel who would never stray or look at another woman. But give them an attractive, younger woman who’s suddenly interested in them and you won’t see them for dust I’m afraid. Fucking c*nts.

Do you mean people might ask about "seeking affection elsewhere" but not really be considering it? I dont use chatgpt for anything other than quick searches for stuff. If I read a tsxt to a friend saying it I'd take it pretty seriously but you think ppl use chatgpt in a more "say any old thing" ?

I think this PP could have a point about people using chatgpt as a sounding board, or as a way of seeking validation for problems in their relationship etc, like writing a letter and never sending it etc. writing things in a diary etc.. with your case though, he just wants it to agree with him that you are the problem in the relationship, probably so he can weaponise it, or give him pointers on how he can make you 'fall in line'. He knows he can't get that in real life from anywhere, but the irony is that even chatgpt saw your side more than his and tried to play devils advocate on your behalf! Ha!

What you can't forget though, is the thoughts which prompted those conversations are very much real, he thinks you are the problem, he thinks he could be justified in cheating, he doesn't seem to care about you, respect or love you, he just wants you to fulfill his needs.

He is a selfish, abusive excuse of a husband and father, and hopefully finding those conversations will give you the resolve you need to break free of him.

PP have said to be well prepped.

He has a lads holiday in early August. Can I really do it in July? He'll be a mess. Maybe when he gets back. Does it matter?

Paperwork. I am the one with all the paperwork. I have all bills, mortgage info, my own bank, pension etc. I dont know his accounts but I dont know how I could know that. Our finances are separate

He doesnt pay his fair amount to me each month. He will stop paying anything entirely when i tell him.

I think you are trying to rush this. You really really really need to take some advice from an organisation that has lots of experience in supporting women in a situation like you are in. You need to have much more in place than just some of the paperwork. Things that you aren't even aware of at this piont. It may be that things can happen quickly, but it also may be that you need to be a bit more patient in terms of when you "tell him". Please don't do this without having consulted with one of these Women's Aids organisations for some guidance and ensuring you have lots of protections in place.

Yes, i do take your point @Sassylovesbooks thank yoi. I wanted to leave last yr. Unhappy for 2 yrs before that. Persuaded me he wanted to work on us as a couple but hes been more and more awful/cold and then findinb the chatgpt conversation...now I do feel impatient. Im also aware I could have a year plus of him staying in the home post split. Also faking it is exhausting. I will call womens aid next week though. We definitely do not need refuge or anything. I will remove the kids the moment things get hairy. Thank you! I don't think we are in physical danger. But I do think im in for poss several years of awful, controlling, dysfunctional behaviour. And it's terrifying.

You could put in an application for child maintenance and he will have to pay that. I think there is an online calculator they don’t back date it so do it as soon as you seperate. So he can’t just not pay you anything. Look at entitled to.com for any help and benefits you may get too. Good luck xx

And Google great rock technique if you don’t know it to deal with the awful behaviour coming your way and trust it won’t last forever. Xx

There always are on these threads. They trot themselves out with monotonous regularity every time a woman posts about being in an abusive relationship (and make no two ways about it, this OP's situation is).

Can't be having any thread where no one tells the woman off for daring to complain, tells all those supporting her that they are 'man-haters', and throws in a good-sized dollops of victim-blaming for good measure.

It's as predictable as it's tedious.

He doesnt pay his fair amount to me each month. He will stop paying anything entirely when i tell him.

And that’s when you direct him towards the CMS calculator. And say, please could you pay (whatever amount you are asking for) by one weeks time for the benefit of the children. In the absence of the payment by that date I will contact CMS to help us resolve the issue.

Anything you ask for should be “for the benefit if the children” or “to help you resolve an issue”. At least that is what you put in writing. Don’t delay too long with going to CMS because, as a previous poster has said, they don’t backdate.

he might get angry, let him, don’t engage just use CMS for your own mental health.

He sounds horrendous op and possibly narcissistic, I urge you to not react and make a plan carefully get your ducks in a row and do nothing at all for him see him as a lazy colleague that you’re just polite to and focus on pouring your efforts into yourself and your health and attractiveness as you’ll be single soon and need to be confident af.

Read or listen to a book ‘it’s not you’ my Dr ramani it will help you accept who he is and stop driving yourself mad hoping for kindness

So I've noticed that when we are in a "bad spot" - he becomes a worse dad. So shouting in front of them but also just being less attentive or affectionate to them. And I've been sleeping in spare room the last couple of days saying I need better sleep and then came home at 9pm last night after seeing a friend & he waa v grumpy about that as missed a gym session). And when i came home i went to see dc who were asleep and one was asleep im bed fully clothed in school uniform, the other clearly got himself undressed as his clothes were in bed with him and didnt have PJs on. I doubt their teeth were brushed.

I might be being paranoid but he was sat downstairs being so cold and weird. Felt like he was doing things to get at me, like he knew id be annoyed. I didnt say anything. It felt like he was trying to get a rise out of me. Maybe not. Maybe just low level crappy parenting. I really really worry that his hatred/bitterness for me is more important than the kids.

Yes that’s not a good sign. Both his neglect of the children, and how you aren’t in a position to have it out with him. A good sign you will be doing the right thing to end this though, but you definitely need advice and to share your concerns with Women’s Aid to make the next steps.

This is your punishment for going out, he will take it out on the kids because he hates you more than he loves them. I think you're getting a taste of what it will be like once you separate; petty and punitive.

Please get professional help from Women's Aid to help you leave the relationship safely.

For the time, and it will come, when he blames her for the split. When he wants to spin the story that it’s all her fault, whether it’s to the kids, family or friends. He’s the poor guy trying to keep his family together and she’s the hormonal, batshit crazy woman destroying his family. Thats why!

I agree with this. With many men part of the reason they have children is it makes it easier to control the female partner.
I'm not saying they don't care about their children at all but they are not as emotionally bonded as the mother is. Neglecting the children to punish the mother is a very effective way to dominate and control her.

And when i came home i went to see dc who were asleep and one was asleep im bed fully clothed in school uniform, the other clearly got himself undressed as his clothes were in bed with him and didnt have PJs on. I doubt their teeth were brushed.

This has made me so sad to read. I hope you find the courage to end the marriage. Please do speak to Women's Aid.

This feels true to me. How - if you know this - if you know he hates me more than he loves dc - how do you handle that risk? Handing kids over to someone motivated by that?

I will screenshot the chatgpt. I still dont know whether to tell him I saw it. It feels pointless.

Don’t tell him. Not yet anyway. Don’t give him any inclination as to what you are doing.