Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

No don’t tell him. Don’t try to understand him, it’s a waste of time. Try and find out his accounts while he is away. Can you find out his tax return as you are a married couple. It may give you an idea of his earnings.

Look after yourself as well as the children. Maybe you GP could suggest someone to talk things over with to be strong in mind for you and your DC. He knows what he is doing so don’t let him get to you.

Chicken and rice is good food just need some green veg followed by fruit, don’t think it as boring.

I hope you dont tell him you saw it @BeachFace. I know you want him to come clean & level with you, but he wont.
He wont be honest with you, he'll just try and bullshit his way out of it, and he'll know you're on to him. Put on an act to keep things calm and buy you time to organise and work things to your advantage.
You have to stay one step ahead of him, dont blow your cover.

I didn't know that either, that conversations are saved and labeled! That could lead to legal disasters - such as someone being found dead, and a conversation with "If he does that again, I swear I'll kill him."

Lucky for me I don't use ChaptGPT.

I still dont know whether to tell him I saw it. It feels pointless

Not only is it pointless, if you tell hm what you know it gives hm as much information as you have. Why do that, keep your own council and play your cards close to your chest. Whilst he doesn't know what you know you, it makes it easy for you to find out other information, make your own plans, keep tabs on him as to whether he puts his profile on dating sites etc, come to terms with what's happening in peace.

Sorry coming to moan. I just feel so shit. It's so frigging hard looking after 2 young kids with a full time job and a shit husband. I know people have it much worse. Feels relentless though. We have a routine where I do the kids bedtime alone and H cleans the kitchen. He says thats the way it has to be as im so weak with the kids and he just wont do it together. One more kiss, cuddle, lying with the little one till he sleeps. The kids are stuck to me like glue. And H is right. I am weak with them. He only does bedtime if im not in the house (rare( and he tells me he does bedtime in 20 mins,unlike my 1 hour and 20 mins! I can hear H on his phone tonight while I go from bedroom to bedroom, putting them back in bed. And my hormones are a mess. And my pelvic floor has been playing up recently and i feel like im weeing myself. I do no exercise. I drink wine too much. All the while hes turning himself into some sort of adonis! I just don't know how I handle a divorce. Sorry to vent. I know its just feeling sorry for myself.

I’m sure you aren’t weak with them. My ex used to say this. I just handled our son with love and care and he’d leave him and ignore him calling out. I could do that. I don’t see that as being weak. Also don’t you say he left them t o sleep in their uniform. So that’s why he manages to do bedtime so fast. Probably doesn’t even bother with a story

Also please remember if you’re a single mum you get child free time when dad looks after them. This is super hard to adjust to but actually good for having a break to yourself

Well, you've told us that last time he put them to bed, neither had clean teeth, one child was asleep in his school uniform and the other had taken his clothes off in bed and had no pyjamas on. If that's the standard of care he's giving, I'm amazed it takes a whole 20 minutes- 20 seconds should do it. Being a shit, lazy parent is easy and takes very little time. Please don't judge yourself by his crappy standards.

Can you try to imagine yourself post-divorce, in your own place (or with him in his own place)? Imagine he's doing EOW. Would your life be easier or harder?

@2msoundsright much easier. As long as i knew the kids were being looked after.

I tried to call refuve twice but couldn't get through. I saw on another thread they're only really helpful if you want an actual refuge space which i dont. But ill call them again tomorrow

There are other places other than refuge that can help. You gp may be able refer to you somewhere for example, or even talking therapies. It is hard to get through to these places as they are underfunded (or should I say there are too many dickheads out there) and don’t have enough people to answer the phone. If you google the freedom program this is often run by DA agencies and that might help point you in the direction of sone local charities.

Also no one knows how to get divorced until they have done it. That is what mumsnet is for.

I would urge caution here. It’s his private musings. He could have been in an angry, foul mood when he wrote all that. He might not mean it and could have just been venting. You shouldn’t have read it. It’s like reading a private diary. People write all sorts of shit they might not really mean in them.

You should really RTFT, or at least all OP's posts. 🙄

Im gonna keep coming back even if im talking to myself. Just letting it out. I hate that if he thinks he grants permission. I get kids from school and we agree to get fish and chips after swimming. H comes home and instantly "nope, not happening" and then talks for length about why not. Its like living with a cloud. Like something dragging me down. Ive worked my arse off at work. The kids had a good week at school. Just let us spend £25 on some fish and chips. Why does he think he's gets to decide all this daily decisions. Then I've got disappointed kids.

I csnt wait to be shot of him. I can feel his hate for me though. His eye rolling. He actually used to be generous with £ but now he just says no because its my idea. But im the one paying for everything. It's frigging ridiculous

Still no answer from refuge. Im finding my anger though. I dont know how things will work out but I know i can't bear to live like this much longer. Its suffocating. The forced small talk. Its awful

Also he transfers ££ on the 1st each month (what he can afford) and I mange all bills and mortgage. Its the 19th and not a penny. He keeps saying he keeps forgetting. Im starting to think he's making his own plans.

@BeachFace tell him you know he hasn’t forgotten about the mortgage and bills, and next time you want fish and chips you just buy them. (For you and the kids as he obviously won’t want any.) And if he complains simply say, ‘it’s my money. I earned it. You’ve paid nothing this month.’
Have you seen a solicitor?

OP, stay strong. You are doing amazingly for your kids by taking them out of his moods.

From stories I have read on here men who are hit or miss fathers initially go for 50:50, start to think they are too good for the actual thankless drudgery that you have been doing for years and soon swap to every other weekend.

Be angry. He is stealing from you, both your money and your labour. Tell him he doesn’t get to eat your food and use your power if he hasn’t contributed. Tell him he doesnt get to veto fish and chips as his one parenting act of the day. . I know it’s scary, but who made him the king?

As posted above, please go and buy fish and chips - and eye roll back and be just as horrible to him when you can!

And have your phone on record. We are rooting for you xx

Does he pay his share, OP, or are you also funding him?

All calm here. Making plans. He's being pretty nice to me...well, calm anyway. I think my standard of "nice" is pretty low.

I need to tell him. He's going on lads holiday in early August. Do i tell him before then? Or is that unfair? I cant work out if that's good as then he'll leave the hoise and he can go drink and slag me off for 5 days. Or will I ruin his holiday? Or does it matter? Its all i think about

Do what works for you OP. Don’t worry about his holiday etc worry about yourself. Put you number one and tell him at a good time for you. Don’t even think about doing what pisses him off the most, because that means he is still in your head. You think about you!

Please, don’t do anything before seeing a solicitor and show them all the monetary papers you can find. This is for your children as well as for your future.

It doesn't matter. Don't wait for the "ideal time" or you could find you are still there this time next year, or this time in ten years. How much has he considered your feelings lately? Not much, from what you have said. Tell him, whenever is best for you and your children.

What is your thinking re practical arrangements- will you ask him to move out?