Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

Then I think finding that conversation is the best thing that can ever happen to your relationship.

You know now exactly what he thinks of you, and while it is a horrible realisation, it will save you a lot of agonising and heartache in the future, wondering if separating is really the best option, and being made to feel guilty.

You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of, he has proven who he is and your relief is because he has confirmed what you already know.

Time to leave the bastard.

Im such an idiot. I did ask about the gym/diet thing as when you start watching tiktok tips, weighing yoghurt, eating handfuls of nuts instead of dinner, etc - its fairly extreme. He said "I want to be healthy to have energy for the kids". Yet he's watching videos about muscle definition 😂 im a fool!

Shows his mindset. So vein. The reason I (and other women) dont want to have sex with him is because he shows no interest, makes no effort. Not because he doesnt have the body of a 21 yr old!

Im just staggered that he is planning it. So cold. He didnt express any guilt or concner for me. So matter of fact. "Shall I stay or find someone else to show me affection". So transactional

How old are your kids now, OP?

I don’t know if you’ve seen my previous posts and others like them, but yes your husband’s attitude towards you is concerning and I think you need to ensure your safety in any steps you take.

3 & 6

You really need to stop thinking about him. You've made the decision, don't have him living rent free in your head. You're moving on, think about your bright future not a past relationship that didn't work out.

If he came on here and said he had been chatting shit to a chatbot about his wife, who works full time and does 90% plus of the housework, if he came on here saying he shouts at her and calls her a cunt in front of the children - you bet we would be telling him to stop that at once. You seem to think there's equal blame here. There isn't. He's the one who needs to change radically or fuck off.

Yes. I have. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Im trying to work out the best time to do it. We only have one car for example. And kids in nursery & school. I guess I want to do it when im able to put the kids in the car and drive off if necessary. So need to book time off work maybe. My parents aren't close. But I can take them to an Airbnb. Its unpredictable. I think he will beg and cry. But in fights I have seen the rage. And when he goes he goes. So I just dont know what will happen. I really worry about co habiting long term as he doesnt do "putting on a brave face for the kids".

It would probably be best to plan your exit carefully, in particular avoid any confrontation with him whilst you're in the act of leaving.
Or is there a possibility of engineering things such that he decides he's better off without you and he leaves of his own accord?

I know this is counterintuitive but OP with a man like this you don’t want to get into a battle. It’s like that saying don’t wrestle with a pig you both get dirty but the pig likes it.

I’m guessing he’s motivated by three things: ego, entitlement and laziness. You don’t want to challenge him because it will be a threat to his ego. Try another approach by saying that you feel so sad because he clearly doesn’t want to be with you. You’ve tried really hard to win his affection but you feel it’s too late and it makes you feel lonely. It will make him feel in control and powerful which is what you want because he’s less likely to fight you. Meanwhile you feel better because you’re manipulating him. He probably won’t see it though because he thinks he’s better than any woman you so he’ll fall for this line.

Meanwhile you get your financial affairs in order. Work out what you need to live a good life for you and your child. It will be absolutely worth it to get out of this toxic relationship. Once you know what you’re entitled to then you can maybe suggest mediation so you can thrash out the financial arrangements where you can get a good deal. If at all possible try not to use lawyers as they cost a lot and won’t necessarily get you a better deal.

This is a hell of a shock but deep down I think you know that this relationship is damaging to your mental health. Don’t fall back into believing his promises to change they’re just motivated by laziness which is why he is looking for another victim relationship already.

No I really wouldn't, I would NEVER suggest that someone tries harder to make their abuser happy as an experiment, and to be perfectly honest you shouldn't be either, these are real people, with real problems.

Don't get me wrong, there ARE times when your advise could be valid, when a relationship has grown apart mutually etc, but in cases of emotional abuse, name calling, belittling, you should never put the onus on the victim to try and fix the behaviour of the abuser.

That is why so many women stay in abusive relationship, because they are conditioned to believe they are the problem, and that if they just behaved better, did more, said less, they could 'fix' their abuser.. if you are going to be posting on MN, you really need to recognise abuse and not perpetuate the myth that the victim is responsible for changing the actions of their abuser.

I agree, you should not get into a battle with him. You cannot go head to head with a man who is prone to rage that's only going to end badly.
You will have to be strategic, don't let him know what your planning and get things organized out of his sight. I would do whatever it takes to keep him calm, 'don't poke the bear' etc.
BUT whilst things are calm don't fall into the trap of hoping that you can save the relationship, that could mean you lose the momentum and incentive to change things and escape.

It’s possible he didn’t have an OW lined up last year and now he’s started going to the gym he’s more open to the idea. He might have even been shocked into it by you suggesting leaving.

Either way, you deserve better than the treatment you’re currently receiving. It sounds awful, and I can’t imagine you would feel worse if you do leave.

I haven't mentioned blame, at all. Yes, if they both go back to how they behaved together three years ago when things were so blissful having a child together made sense then they'd be fine. And since the only on to say "try being nice for 14 days and see what happens" to is the OP that's who I said it to. I would have said it to him too, just as you would have.

None of this matters though, the decision is made. I'm sure it will work out fine for both of them.

She wanted a divorce last year, it’s hardly an “immediate LTB” is it.

Typical male response 🙄

Time to duck out, arguing about hypotheticals when the OP has made a decision is a waste of everyone's time.

Best wishes, OP, and the rest of your family. I'm sure you'll both be happier apart. Good luck.

Try a 14 day experiment

op said he has shouted the c and b word at her in front of the kids. Op knows what she needs to know. Do you really think a man who behaves like this will become an adult because his wife is sweet for a bit?

Or, just say:

this marriage still isn't working for me. It's time to separate and divorce and we need to at least appear to do it amicably for our children's sakes and work out co-parenting going forward. I've seen a solicitor to get the ball rolling OR I'll be filing the form tomorrow

I agree with the general way you're clearly seeing it Op. I don't have any relevant experince to draw on. The only thing I wanted to add is that, when you say you know he will start shouting when you initiate the conversation, I don't know where you are and what coffee shops you have but perhaps you could start the conversation in a more public place? Do you know that he would never be violent to you if he cottons on that you have seen the AI messages?

Starting a conversation in a public place is extremely likely to deter him from attacking you there and then. Instead he will bottle it up and unleash it when you're both at home behind closed doors.

Agree, the only way to tell someone with a temper like your H is to do it with someone, probably a man, in the house with you.

Have you rang women's aid @BeachFace ?

I think you may need to find somewhere to take dcs then pack what you need when he's out. Maybe secretly book a day off and go.

Contact Womens Aid and ask them for a plan, be honest with him about what your concerns are based on his past behaviour.

Do what you need to do, get everything in order before you tell him.