Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

This is a very recent development, it’s natural and normal that she’s processing it. She’ll “stop thinking about him” at some point, but that’s not going to happen within 24hrs of a discovery like this. If she wants to talk through her thoughts and receive support on here, she should absolutely keep doing that if it feels helpful to her.

Oh wow this reminds me of my ex so much. Turned into a spoilt teenager when I was pregnant. Wed been together for 13 years so I wasn’t prepared. Became incredibly selfish. Didn’t seem to care about me one bit. Then Covid hit and he refused to take my vulnerability to Covid seriously told me I’d be fine and now I’m disabled by long COVID. He even told me there was nothing wrong with me when I’d been ill for 9 months. Told me reinfection was so rare it hadn’t happened to me when it had. He’s continuing to control every aspect of my life 6 years later even though split. When I didn’t want to split as he was my carer he told me we’d had no relationship since having our child as the focus had been on him. Reality was I was left to do everything for child and he wanted minimal involvement.

they don’t even see their own actions.

my ex actually told me all he did was love and care for me. Which is absolutely not true. I have had so much therapy and the only conclusion I can come to is he’s a covert narcissist who couldn’t cope when we had a child and he was no longer the centre of attention. I couldn’t even make decisions in my own life. He always knew best.

don’t let on you know about his chat. I’d speak to a solicitor. Prepare. Get everything in order and then tell him. You need to be mindful of how often he’ll see kids and housing. Mine told me he’d never pay me any child maintenance he’d just have our child half the time. He didn’t want that in the end as couldn’t cope with work. I wish so much I could go back in time and pick a different dad for my child. The are so good at hiding it all. I doubted myself so much and wanted to leave him before we had kids as I didn’t feel respected in our relationship.

Good luck.

Are you serious. WTF

If his wife was behaving like he had- talking to AI about leaving him, bullying him, swearing at him in the worst possible terms in front of their children, the advice would be the same- leave.

Ive picked up dc and we are back home. Ive been looking at instgram stories and being fed terrible stories of post split abuse and kids being unsafe etc. Why does the algorithm know exactly what you're worrying about!

Im probably catastrophising but what if he loses the plot? He might do. I feel like I dont know him at all suddenly. Some men hurt the kids to hurt the ex. I know that.

When I tried to leave last year he talked about moving on from me and "introducing a new woman into the DC lives". He started talkinh about this almost instantly. He knows the kids happiness and safety is my button. He didht have any guilt when he called me a cunt in front of them. He often has a go at me in front of them. What if he hurts them or neglects them? And i cant stop it.

Just thinkinh out loud. It's terrifying divorcing a man that is unpredictable and unhappy and hates you. Absolutely terrifying.

I mean…growing up in a family where Dad calls Mum a cunt isn’t great TBH.

So what if he threatens to get a stepmum on the scene? If he calls women cunts he’s not exactly going to be top of the dating pile of eligible bachelors, is he? Let him.

Slow hand clap for the two fools just before OPs last post who are suggesting it’s half her fault. Here is a woman who is being treated appallingly and scared for her children’s safety. And of course she’s doing all the drudge work on top of full time paid work while he fantasises about trading her in for a new one.
If it was a man reporting he’d found similar messages from his wife and he thought she might hurt the children to punish him and he was doing all the domestic load I’d absolutely give the same advice. (Would be highly unusual though). There’s a reason why women support each other in these situations and it’s not sexism.

@BeachFace whats the housing situation - do you rent or own? If it came to it, could your parents put you up?

Own. My parents would find it v stressful. If I wait till school holidays lll be able to take them away. Take them to the seaside for a few days or camping or something

Why not have a chat with Women’s Aid, or your local branch of something similar (there will be wait times to get through I gather) and talk through concerns you have and what they advise with handling this? Generally I’m not sure it’s a good thing to have a break up conversation in these circumstances without a plan of what happens next as otherwise he determines that. You need to know what you can do and how to do it.

Get hold of Womens' Aid or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline and talk through your concerns with them. There is support out there, they have seen this before, far too often. Seek it out and take it.

You can't control what he does or what he says. You can only manage yourself and try to minimise the harm he does by being stable, secure a safe space. You also need to recognise that the kids hearing /watching their dad abuse their mum is damaging. When you leave you will be showing them that this behaviour isnt okay and they shouldn't let people treat them badly.

I would great rock as much as possible. Try not to get emotional about what he says, be disinterested and nonchalant.

I understand the concern. You’re thinking we stay together I’ll have some control and oversight whereas in reality you’re keeping the children in a toxic environment for fear of an alternative. It might be that separated you can co exist much better if you’re not suited. It might be that he meets someone new and is not that fussed about seeing the kids that much. It might be he doesn’t meet anyone because he’s not a huge catch. All these possibilities but no certainty. What you can say for sure is what has actually happened and what you’ve read. If you feel safe currently then you definitely can plan to leave / split up at a time that suits your timetable and the summer holidays are not that far away. ( taking the 6 year old out early isn’t going to be a big deal fyi )

@BeachFaceat least you know. What he is doing now, is finding a replacement for you so he has somewhere to go and have someone to help him look after the kids EOW. Get in first and tell him you want a divorce

He's come home. Grilled chicken, plain rice at his request. Talking about grams of protein. The kids copying him. "Protein gives you big muscles like daddy says". Im just looking at my dinner like "are we all eating this plain food H is insisting on so he csn try to shag someone else"

Boring dinners and being cheated on! 😫

People don't write that kind of thing unless they mean it do they? I meam he's definitely trying to cheat.

It doesnt matter. I know. Just thinking out loud. He's being v nice tonight which im just trying not to pay attention to.

What part of what he wrote to ChatGPT makes you think he has any type of regard or empathy at all for her? Why would there be any reason for her to continue to engage in this relationship?

I can’t fathom why you think it might be worthwhile for her to give anymore of herself to this situation.

Why are you even cooking for him?! I’d be checking out of anything you do for him- he obviously has!

Have you read the OP’s posts? Maybe because he has a terrible temper, calls her names and shouts at her in-front of the dc and she’s scared of him.

Thanks @Iamstardust and @LizzieSiddal , both good points. I was just worried about the prospect of a fight kicking off in the house with kids present but I think you've both made good points. Many thanks

Trying to keep things normal and calm. The one overriding bit of advice on here is to take some time to plan

I will put my pride aside to keep it as calm and managed as possible

Absolutely is bloody terrifying. But lots of people on here have managed to do it. This is where women’s aid and the like come in. They can help you navigate the post separation abuse and the threats to take your kids and ten angry unpredictable outbursts. Get your support crew together because it will be tough but the sooner you leave and file for divorce the sooner you are free from him.

Yes - I see what you mean. Plan your exit before he blindsides you. You’re a calmer woman than me- well done on keeping your composure. He sounds awful

Please don’t leave the family home. It can be very difficult if you leave with kids and he remains. Unless he’s violent or unsafe. If you can’t afford to fully buy him out then you might get to remain until children are a certain age or you may get a greater than 50% share due to the extra childcare responsibilities

Can you tell him when the kids are asleep? Or are you really scared what he will do and how he’ll react?

I wouldn't put yourself under any extra pressure. Take your time, he'll find another woman soon enough by the sound of it. He's too much of a coward to split up with you and that's why he left the AI convo on the computer, for you to find and take action so he doesn't have to.