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Relationships

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Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided

1000 replies

mummy917 · 13/05/2026 14:50

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Bestfootforward11 · 17/06/2026 19:39

Re him taking the sofa- I genuinely have no words…what a fool

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 19:45

He has a fridge now though and a brand new one at that, which is being delivered a week today. Strange that he’s scraped the money together for that. I know I’ve said it loads before, but I don’t know who this man is anymore. Certainly isn’t the person I married.

OP posts:
Trethew · 17/06/2026 19:50

I kept all my important documents in my locker in the ladies changing room at work (hospital). I know he searched for them while I was out of the house

Hollycoco · 17/06/2026 20:03

Do you think that a new thread might help you @mummy917 as this one is now on 40 pages? I would love to continue in your team of online cheerleaders going forwards if you think we can still help support you 💐

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 17/06/2026 20:04

Hollycoco · 17/06/2026 20:03

Do you think that a new thread might help you @mummy917 as this one is now on 40 pages? I would love to continue in your team of online cheerleaders going forwards if you think we can still help support you 💐

It's linked on the previous page ... 🙂

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 20:07

There’s a new one with the same title but with part 2 on the end of it 😊 can’t say how much I appreciate everyone’s support and care xx

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · 17/06/2026 20:08

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 19:30

The finance from DFS is in his name and he said he will continue to pay it so he is taking it. I just said fine, you take it, I really don’t care. I’ve bought us a new sofa and ordered it a few weeks ago now. It’s coming in the middle of July.

Haha I could drip juice down it 🤣

Honestly I hope in a year I look back at everything and just think “what the hell did I ever see in him?!?”

I will laugh so much if he can't actually get the sofa out the door and into the van.

Then I'll be annoyed because it's more of a hassle for you to deal with...

And I think it's a good thing that you're going to get a new sofa for your new life, uncontaminated by the Useless Lump.

bigboykitty · 17/06/2026 20:48

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 19:30

The finance from DFS is in his name and he said he will continue to pay it so he is taking it. I just said fine, you take it, I really don’t care. I’ve bought us a new sofa and ordered it a few weeks ago now. It’s coming in the middle of July.

Haha I could drip juice down it 🤣

Honestly I hope in a year I look back at everything and just think “what the hell did I ever see in him?!?”

It might not take that long. You'll be there soon. He'll help you every day. When you have 4 children, if you take the sofa because the finance is in your name, you're a thundercunt. Sending you a big bouquet of 💐

Beaniebobbins · 17/06/2026 20:56

Trethew · 17/06/2026 19:50

I kept all my important documents in my locker in the ladies changing room at work (hospital). I know he searched for them while I was out of the house

I hid mine at work too!

bigboykitty · 17/06/2026 20:58

Mine took my documents and put them in a locked filing cabinet in the family home. It's amazing the keys you can buy on ebay.

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 21:25

I really hope it doesn’t take me another year because I do feel that day by day, he is showing me more of who he really is. I’d never have believed I’d have found any strength at the start of all this, let alone only 3 months into it. I’ve surprised myself to be honest.

OP posts:
BruFord · 18/06/2026 00:27

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 19:45

He has a fridge now though and a brand new one at that, which is being delivered a week today. Strange that he’s scraped the money together for that. I know I’ve said it loads before, but I don’t know who this man is anymore. Certainly isn’t the person I married.

It's remarkable how he finds money when HE wants/needs something but is flat broke when his children need something to sleep on. Hmm

mummy917 · 18/06/2026 06:50

BruFord · 18/06/2026 00:27

It's remarkable how he finds money when HE wants/needs something but is flat broke when his children need something to sleep on. Hmm

Exactly. I don’t understand how he’s not ashamed of himself.

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 18/06/2026 07:34

He’s such a cockwomble / thundercunt / arsewipe isn’t he ?!

Please keep a list of rubbish things he does. In moments when you waver and wish he was back it will help you to realise that he has done you a favour in the long term to be rid of him.

mummy917 · 18/06/2026 07:46

olympicsrock · 18/06/2026 07:34

He’s such a cockwomble / thundercunt / arsewipe isn’t he ?!

Please keep a list of rubbish things he does. In moments when you waver and wish he was back it will help you to realise that he has done you a favour in the long term to be rid of him.

Oh definitely. I may just keep referring to this thread too and that will also remind me.

OP posts:
Everintroverte · 18/06/2026 07:56

mummy917 · 18/06/2026 06:50

Exactly. I don’t understand how he’s not ashamed of himself.

He won't see this pattern at all, in his head it's completely justified and reasonable that he has directed money at one thing for him but not at something for the children. He sounds like my ex - selfish!

liamharha · 18/06/2026 08:33

He's used to you being bailing him out op and sorting it out ,You've basically patented him cos he acts like a child then cals you controlling for being the responsible reliable adult and parent in the household .

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 20/06/2026 10:18

Thinking of you today Op x

bigboykitty · 20/06/2026 10:28

Thinking of you too @mummy917 . You'll get through this xx

Twotoned · 20/06/2026 11:38

Sending you extra strength today.

Sodthesystem · 20/06/2026 13:03

I hope you watch him struggle with that wardrobe with a glass of champers in hand
😆

bigboykitty · 20/06/2026 13:37

Just to say your thread is almost full @mummy917 . Please start a new one if you'd like to keep sharing 💐

olympicsrock · 20/06/2026 14:41

Thinking of you! Xx

diddl · 20/06/2026 14:57

All the best for today.

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