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Relationships

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Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided

905 replies

mummy917 · 13/05/2026 14:50

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · Yesterday 22:37

mummy917 · Yesterday 22:34

Oh I’ll be those things and more besides no doubt! I’m sure he will get a few more “controlling” and “vile” comments in there too before he leaves on Saturday.

“Your opinions and feelings are of no interest to me anymore, off you fuck!”

IsItBeesThoughLooshkin · Yesterday 22:45

”there’s that part of me that thinks he can’t just go around calling me all of these things and I get to not defend myself”

How about: ”I don’t care what you think”. And mean it.

OneOliveOtter · Yesterday 22:48

He’s had to make you the villain OP. Otherwise he’s just another pathetic, diabolical man leaving his wife and children for his own selfish desires. Just another midlife crisis, totally boring and predictable with no values.

So he has to paint you as the problem otherwise he’d have to face up to the fact that he’s a shit father, a shit husband and a shit person. And he can’t face that.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Yesterday 23:11

mummy917 · Yesterday 22:07

He’s been packing again tonight after we told the kids he’s moving on Saturday and about half an hour ago, before he headed out to the gym, he asked me if he could come back and get his stuff out of the loft “within the next few weeks”. I said absolutely not. I told him this is now mine and the kids’ home, it’s no longer his and from Saturday his keys will be handed back over to me and he does not get access to this house. He looked very taken aback and I continued to say that whatever he hasn’t taken after Saturday, then it’ll be going in the bin. When he tried to say he didn’t think he’d have time to get everything on Saturday, I then said that he’s known for a week now that his moving date had been moved forward, so it’s not my problem if he hasn’t sorted his shit out within that time. He went off to the gym in a right little huff 🤷‍♀️

Oh well done @mummy917 , you handled that brilliantly.
And the earlier conversation with him and your kids.

He is currently experiencing a wake up call as to what his decision to leave his family actually means.

To use a popular phrase, he FA and now he's FO.

He's going to be busy on Saturday...

TheresMillionsOfGeoffreys · Yesterday 23:55

mummy917 · Yesterday 22:34

Oh I’ll be those things and more besides no doubt! I’m sure he will get a few more “controlling” and “vile” comments in there too before he leaves on Saturday.

"Mm-hmm, got it. "

Silence.

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