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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husbands ADHD is driving me towards divorce

205 replies

mumofb2 · 09/05/2026 22:15

He is refusing to take medication for it as he believes he can manage it on his own..:: we have 2 small children together and it’s like living with 3 children. He is away with the fairy’s half the time, doesn’t listen to anything I say, or when he does listen he is so defensive and gaslights me.

he talks about only what he wants to talk about. He interrupts me all the time, he doesn’t help me, I have to ask him to help he disappears around the house as he got side tracked. I have to repeat myself 2/3 times. His brain must is so busy I can actually see my words enter his ear and out through the other side.

we have a dog, that he is interested in tbh. More so than anything else.

it is draining. And irritating. I am starting to hate him that’s how strongly my feels are.

i understand it is a condition he can’t help… but I feel he can help by going the Gp. But he thinks it’s everyone else that is the problem not him. So much so, he falls out with a lot of people because of it. Parents, friends, work, etc.

I told him last week can we sit down and talk about how I am feeling,.. still waiting. I could tell him I have learnt to fly and he will say “oh yeah” and that’s it. He’s not fully present with me. I feel so lonely and want out of this.

we have been together 6 years but his adhd seems unmanageable now that it was at the beginning… or is love blind !!!! Help

OP posts:
FoxRedPuppy · 13/05/2026 16:19

CupcakeDreams · 13/05/2026 15:35

This is the danger of ADHD/autism craze. I bet his parents told him he had ADHD and this was backed by 'doctors' and now everyone just lets him act like a completely inane primate and he cops out of everything because of ADHD.

Just like he was taught to do by his parents, school, society and the medical field.

I am so tired of every individual being autistic or ADHD and me getting yelled at for not having 'understanding' or 'compassion'.

I understand, very well, that we're all being gaslit into having zero accountability for our actions, feelings and behaviours because all of us are autistic or ADHD and require medication.

The amount of posts I see, "I can't talk to people," or give eye contact, or someone raised their voice to me and now I'm trembling, or someone else did something entirely appropriate but I'm "terrified, confused, crying, shaking AND ADHD/autistic," because no one bothers to teach manners, accountability or how to engage in society once you have that label slapped on you! There are implications to overdiagnosis, misdiagnosis and so forth.

It's annoying, OP. He doesn't have a medical condition that makes him act like this. He has enablers and a lifetime of no accountability due to his 'condition'. Medicine will not fix any of this.

There is zero evidence of over diagnosis. We still have less of the population diagnosed than we think exists in the population. You post is possibly ablist.

CupcakeDreams · 13/05/2026 16:25

FoxRedPuppy · 13/05/2026 16:19

There is zero evidence of over diagnosis. We still have less of the population diagnosed than we think exists in the population. You post is possibly ablist.

Not true re: zero evidence of over diagnosis. Please refer here: Editorial: Is autism overdiagnosed?

You will find similar publications re: ADHD. Just type, "is ADHD over diagnosed," and you will be directed to the relevant sources.

AgentJohnson · 15/05/2026 10:06

It’s difficult to say where his ADHD starts and where his personality does. However, if he’s unwilling to use medication then there’s nothing you can do.

The person you want him to be is not waiting around the corner. This is who he is and the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can make decisions on how you want your future to look like.

dottieautie · 16/05/2026 22:26

CupcakeDreams · 13/05/2026 16:25

Not true re: zero evidence of over diagnosis. Please refer here: Editorial: Is autism overdiagnosed?

You will find similar publications re: ADHD. Just type, "is ADHD over diagnosed," and you will be directed to the relevant sources.

Editorials are opinion pieces not scientific evidence

SayWhatty · 18/05/2026 20:11

CupcakeDreams · 13/05/2026 16:25

Not true re: zero evidence of over diagnosis. Please refer here: Editorial: Is autism overdiagnosed?

You will find similar publications re: ADHD. Just type, "is ADHD over diagnosed," and you will be directed to the relevant sources.

Can you cite any research evidence? Opinion pieces and random googling don't mean anything. If you search for "evidence" on chemtrails or curing cancer through fruit diets you can find internet content. Doesn't mean it is true or valid.

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