Ethical non monogamy WTF?

[Whatisthisdamnednonsense]

I’m back on the dating apps after a two year relationship so been out of the dating scene. I’ve come across men saying they are looking for “ethical non monogamy” and also men saying they’re “polyamorous”. This wasn’t a thing in 2021 when I last had a dating profile! It’s just code for “I like shagging around” isn’t it? I’m open minded about dating but am baulking at how common it seems to be, I would say it’s every one in six or seven profiles!! Anyone else noticed this?
ps I’m back on bumble as it worked for me last time, what are the recommended apps these days? I don’t want hookups or one nighters! Just a nice boyfriend!

Better that they say it up front than pretending to be monogamous and cheating.

It does sound like you’re expected to be chill about them sleeping around. 🤢

Depends on the person. Polyamory is 1000% not for me but ENM was all right. Finding multiple people who are genuinely all on the same page about it, all at the same time, is imo a lot less common than just dating someone though.

I think it does help you to spot people you are/are not not going to click with. I like sex a lot and am 55 now so not interested in building a family etc so if dp weren't around I might do ENM again. I met some genuinely non-possessive men which after two claustrophobic relationships was really nice.

I get that but what has being ethical got to do with it?

Because being honest about it is ethical where as being dishonest about it isn't...

Ethical in that everyone knows what's going on and you try to take care of each other. I think it's very hard to be genuinely ethical about it though.

Why not just say non monogamous though? Is there a superior kind of non monogamy? Is it like the Fair Trade or Organic of the dating world?!?

Ethical refers to being open and upfront rather than cheating

I'd think ENM means they'll bring their own condoms (and use them), NM means you have to bring them and nag them to use them....

Well yeah, the sort where everyone involved knows about it and is ok about it is the ethical sort. I'd say that's superior to just plain old cheating, wouldn't you?

Does it mean an affair but on organic sheets?

Oh, is that what it means?! Brilliant! Maybe I should try ENM after all. My current mantra of "zero tolerance to condom aversion" has resulted in zero shags for me.

But they could write “non monogamous” on their profile, then it wouldn’t be cheating as everyone is in the picture.
I guess I am wondering if the kind of person who uses this ethical label is hoping that anyone reading it will assume they’re a better kind of shagger-arounder when in fact it’s just that plain old bed hopping has been rebranded!
Or am I too old and cynical?

I have to say I always took condoms anyway and produced them without ceremony. With female condoms as an option. A startling number of men appear to forget where Boots is when they're on a promise.

I’m wondering this.

I think it’s code for I’m a middle class shagger-arounder and I’ll make you a cup of organic decaffeinated Earl Grey afterwards.

ENM is one of the drop down options on Bumble now.

Im nearly 60 and there’s plenty of men on my age range who have it on their profile.

It’s a swipe left for me along with ‘sex positivity’

My friend got a message, saying.
Just want to screw.

She didnt reply😂

Sex positivity -yes, that’s another one.
Sex positivity my arse, as Jim Royle would say. Who isn’t positive about sex?!?!

Oh 'sex positive' is yeuch, though slightly preferable to the old 'tactile' you used to get which just meant 'a bit desperate'. These days I assume it means they want anal sex, pegging and choking.

They can jog on for all that weird stuff.

I thought it was some millennial label that I’m too past it to understand. Nice little euphemism for something that most people are a bit sceptical about 🧐

i always think tactile = wandering hands groper

Like you’ll be loading the dishwasher and he’ll be shoving his hands down your knickers

My mate asked one of the sex positivity lot what it meant and he replied ‘im
hot stuff in the sack baby’ - course you are mate 🤣

But if you were cheating you wouldn’t be letting the other person know. That’s the point about cheating. So that still makes the “ethical” word redundant. Your explanation still draws no distinction between polyamory and ethical polyamory. If you tell people and they’re not ok about it they won’t enter into or continue the relationship.

I’m avoiding all these labels like the plague. Or like the clap.

"Tactile" is used to excuse themselves in advance for violating your boundaries by unwanted touching. Fucking gross creeps.

Thank you for understanding my point @HoppityBun