Ethical non monogamy WTF?

[Whatisthisdamnednonsense]

I’m back on the dating apps after a two year relationship so been out of the dating scene. I’ve come across men saying they are looking for “ethical non monogamy” and also men saying they’re “polyamorous”. This wasn’t a thing in 2021 when I last had a dating profile! It’s just code for “I like shagging around” isn’t it? I’m open minded about dating but am baulking at how common it seems to be, I would say it’s every one in six or seven profiles!! Anyone else noticed this?
ps I’m back on bumble as it worked for me last time, what are the recommended apps these days? I don’t want hookups or one nighters! Just a nice boyfriend!

Agree. They’ll try pawing you non stop and go ‘but I told you I was tactile’ - nah mate you’re a sex pest

Agree with tactile = treating you like an object

Where's the vomit emoji when I need it? 😆

🤢🤮 take your pick

If they already have a sexual partner and are looking for someone else on the app, then ENM means "my existing partner knows I'm on here and is okay about it", whereas the non-ethical version would be "I'm on here behind my existing partner's back".

I’m not sure if I would believe that though

I'm speculating, but I always think, if their existing partner is okay with it, the man is probably a knobhead and the partner just wants him out the house for a few hours. Just a hunch of course.

Who wants a boring man who doesn't want to rip your clothes off ?

If you've successfully identified a 6 foot plus man with a six figure bank balance who owns at least three property's whats not to like ?

When he doesn't meet the criteria, that's creepy.

Online dating profiles are not always 100% factually accurate, it's true.

I'm with you on this Op, by ethical they mean I've told you upfront I can't be faithful to one woman. It's kids in a sweet shop, they don't want to commit to anyone.

If I had a penny for every man on OLD falsely claiming he was in an ‘open marriage’ / ‘E’ NM situation with his partner…

I’d just automatically take this to mean he’s married and wants you to know he’s married so you have zero expectations about communication / availability / commitment but absolutely does NOT want his wife to know he’s fucking around.

It should be made law that men should be honest on dating profiles. My friend was done by this and it really upset her.

She was expecting a 6 foot plus man with a six figure bank balance with four houses who used to be a bad lad but he'd "changed". She discovered he only had a.......five figure bank balance.

Yes, she had said that she was addicted to the gym but actually she really loved kebabs , was medically obese amd hadn't set foor in gym in seven years, but this was only a little white lie is absolutely fine.

Anyone with a six figure bank balance isn't managing their money very effectively.

Yep. Age and height is often not quite accurate.

Ive had a few dates where the man is several inches shorter than he claimed to be.
One claimed to be 54 and 5’11 but was actually 59 and about 5’8. Had he been honest I’d still have met him as he was actually really nice but I couldn’t get past the lies.

It’s just code for “I like shagging around” isn’t it

Yes. I like the fact that they lay their cards out so clearly on the table though. Very useful. Saves a lot of hassle & time.

Although, one of the wankiest things I read by a guy on Hinge was 'I like my relationships like I like my borders - open'.

It's a euphemism for narcissist. I'm alternative and special, and if you don't like me shagging around, you're a boring normie 🤣

Oh the other one on Bumble is ‘intimacy without commitment’ - aka I’m just after a shag

Yep they will be losing money hand over fist

If I were to find myself single tomorrow I wouldn’t look for another relationship. I couldn’t be doing with all this shit.

The number of men who approach me on bumble, saying they are coupled up, and their partner likes me too 🤮

Meanwhile, it’s very clear on my profile that I’m looking for a relationship and marriage

Polyamory is a type of ENM.

There are many kinds of ENM.

I won't list them, I'm not an expert anyway. But people who are genuine will have read the books such as Polysecure etc, and each partnership has its own voiced/ discussed and agreed upon boundaries and rules.

It's very personal and only works if everyone is fully consensual and respects the boundaries and rules.

My only fear with it being made an option on dating sites (drop down as opposed to people just mentioning it on their profile) is that people will choose it to mean sleep around, and they won't be a part of the ENM community so they won't understand it's ethics and processes - which puts someone else at disadvantage.

Yes, but he was nice,, come.on, nobody wants that. Next you'll be saying he's kind......I mean where is his skinhead haircut and his tattoos?

Yes, I think that's what they are hoping, that you'll think they are different from run of the mill womanizers. Adding the word ethical to it is virtue signalling.

Bumble is a total hellsite. I agree about ENM, but i have other complaints too! It’s rare for me to come across a profile without a selfie with a visible urinal or toilet in the background, and so many men with their kids in their profile photo!

Mega cringe!