Ethical non monogamy WTF?

[Whatisthisdamnednonsense]

I’m back on the dating apps after a two year relationship so been out of the dating scene. I’ve come across men saying they are looking for “ethical non monogamy” and also men saying they’re “polyamorous”. This wasn’t a thing in 2021 when I last had a dating profile! It’s just code for “I like shagging around” isn’t it? I’m open minded about dating but am baulking at how common it seems to be, I would say it’s every one in six or seven profiles!! Anyone else noticed this?
ps I’m back on bumble as it worked for me last time, what are the recommended apps these days? I don’t want hookups or one nighters! Just a nice boyfriend!

There are people who are genuinely poly. If everyone is consenting, good for them. The the vast majority of men though are just using it to say they want to sleep around and not commit. At least they're upfront I guess, lol

I imagine men who use this label are already attached and most probably haven’t got the agreement of their partner.

I agree with “intimacy without commitment”, that’s another new one! All of these new labels are huge 🚩 for me.

intimacy without commitment

it’s quite astonishing how many list this

these apps are more about that now, than actual committed relationships in my view

So is it that the app now offers users the opportunity to self describe in this way? I haven’t looked as I’m just a vanilla boring old “seeks relationship” and am using the profile I set up a few years ago. How times have changed, and how quickly 😫

So which apps don’t have these as a feature?

Might do better with the niche ones - Classical Partners, Muddy Matches et al.

They all do now in some form or another

I used hinge and bumble

and most men are across all the apps, you see same faces

I haven’t tried these
may do

Ok, it seems you’ve seen something that doesn’t work for you, but plenty of men and women are okay with it 🤷‍♀️. That’s fine, isn’t it?

All the ethical monogamy men I've seen on OLD are ugly as fuck and I wonder how they even get one woman to shag never mind more than one!

Obviously I always swipe left!

Tbh they may have been taken over by Match or whatever, all the others have.

It's swinging for millennials.

Maybe you could edit your profile to stress that you are only interested in meeting monogamous men. Perhaps you won't get as many replies from fuck around guys.

ENM is at best a very skilful version of being married, demanding great communication and an amount of personal evolution.

It might not be for you, and true some men pretend to be doing it when they aren't, but I wouldn't slag it off without understanding it.

Why do you think their wives no longer want to shag them 😂

Guess it’s better than ‘sex negativity’ but frankly it’s like saying, ‘yeah, my hobby is shagging’; Plenty of women have it too, same instant left swipe as ‘intimacy without commitment’.

”A very skilful version of being married” - what do you mean if you don’t mind me asking?

I’m sniggering at “personal evolution” , you’ve obviously never seen the men on dating apps!! I wouldn’t use the word evolved to describe the majority of them.

So there’s an ENM community? How do you join this? And what are the “ethics and processes “? I’m genuinely interested because this label wasn’t a feature on dating apps three or four years ago. Is this community a recent invention or has it always existed?

You have misunderstood me. Where have I said this “doesn’t work “ for me? I’m trying to understand what it is and why so many men are suddenly using use this label when I never saw it three years ago.

Yeah it's absolute bollocks, I always swipe right past any profile like that.

It basically means they want to hook up instead of getting into a relationship but they think it's a better way of saying it. Dressing it up as a cool 'lifestyle' - yeah fuck off.

I’ve remembered another one: sapiosexual

Is Sapiosexual where they mean they like intelligent women?

Like saying "I'm not like other guys, I won't just judge you on looks". That kind of thing?

Do women have these wanky terms in their dating profiles? Just curious.

The other thing you'll notice is they delete their profile and get a new one because they get a newbie boost.

I understood it to mean very knowledgeable about sex but what do I know?

I’m also curious to hear if women use these labels too

They probably don’t !

my friend is online dating and she showed me some of the men (40’s/50’s). 90% of them were mingers. Bad teeth, no hair, fish in hands, a couple wearing string vests! 🤣 who takes these hideous photos for them? Surely they don’t get any dates.