Weird comment moment on vaginas

[hesyetanothersketchyOLD]

This wasn't a relationship, just a potential physical thing that actually fizzled out before it happened, but the guy in question said he wanted to see my vagina* to check how it looked become some vaginas "look like they've been run over". Anyway, attraction went away on his part (I didn't show him!), but this comment stood out to me. He said a few other questionable things, too.

Just wondering if anyone's come across someone who seemed to have standards for vaginas like that before? Is it a porn influence? 🤔

* Yes, he should have said vulva

If anything sounds fabricated to me, it's this anecdote: "Only recently I was told by an HCP that I've got the perfect porn fanny".

Not fabricated at all. I was having my final cervical smear (I'm that old) and the pleasant young female HCP and I were talking about vulvas and vaginas and vaginal atrophy (which I suffer from). I said I'd felt a bit freaky at times because I didn't have visible labia minora and she said some women are having theirs trimmed to make them look smaller and tidier because they want a perfect porn fanny like mine.

Bragging about your labia is a new one on me, sounds like you'd be a good match for the guy in question 👍

😱

I'm not bragging. Who the fuck wants a perfect porn fanny? I'm the last person in the world who'd be proud of that.

Tbh if a healthcare worker said that to me I’d probably put in a complaint, that’s really inappropriate!

In the context it was fine. She was struggling with the the smear, I was talking about the changes age and lack of oestrogen has wrought on my nether regions. I was the one who brought up the subject of labia. Some of you seem really uptight.

No i've got the fanciest vagina on this thread. It's glow in the dark and glittered.

Oh and I didn't say he'd always been single.

Has he ever been married? How long did his longest relationship last? (If you know).

It sounds like he's not had a relationship go anywhere, as such, by 40, which for someone who has - by their income & profession - usually no lack of opportunities, is significant.

What he said is either extreme negging and arrogance; or he doesn't know how to act, as an adult human.
His deal breakers are also odd and extreme.

There is no way there's no context for this behaviour imho.

As I said, most sex workers would probably find his behaviour strange and offensive, let alone a woman who's not involved in a "commodity" exchange.

A HCP telling patient she's got a perfect porn fanny, even in jest, is in litigation territory.

It's beyond inappropriate.

Saying that doesn't make anyone "upright".

Mine puffs out perfume, can yours do that?

I don't think he's going to be on board with vaginal atrophy, if he asks pre menopausal women to inspect their vulvas before he'll have sexual contact with them.

Instead of "run over by something", it would be "shrivelled up like prune" or some other gem.

We are talking about the "pussy inspector" with his measuring tools and checklist ..... All very normal before having sex 🙄

Uptight, obviously.

Yeah, uptight, obviously.

If, and I mean IF, that HCP did pass judgement on anyones perfect porn labia, it's just part of the problem, it doesn't make the original incident where OP was asked to show her vulva for a pre sex inspection test, less weird. It just supports the belief that women's bodies exist for scrutiny and the pleasure of men others, rather than their own.

What benefit is it to any women to have a Perfect Porn Fanny? Other than to show it off to men? How does it benefit her? Does sex feel better? Does childbirth run smoother? Does it make her run faster?

Imagine.....Well Dave, that's your prostate examination done with, and can I just say the penis really is still Porn Standard, well done mate. See you next year.

Not happening is it.

I find the "perfect porn fanny" comment more disturbing than the one which sparked this thread, as it was made by someone speaking in a professional capacity.

Don’t worry… the comment made by the doctor you’re involved with is a LOT more disturbing and repugnant than that.

It's really no more or less repugnant than meeting up with an acquaintance in a layby/pub/park and him asking to view your gentials before agreeing to any potential sexual contact with you down the line.

Both disturbing, both repugnant, neither appropriate. Not, this is not what we are doing with men now. I don't know where you have been, possibly overseas in a country with horrendous womens' rights record, or on an alien planet, but nothing has changed.

You do not need to pick the right time to inform a prospective lover that you have a body, with stretch marks. And C section scars, and epesiotomies, and cellulite and pigmentation and hairs and skin and nails. You never did. You don't need to now. You won't need to in the future. This is not what we do. Stop hoping you're appropriate, stop apologising for your body. You are not a lump of meat in a butchers window on a Saturday afternoon, waiting to be chosen. This view is what will cause you heartache and woe in your relationships, not your stretch marks.

To be frank, she should have been suggesting some vaginal oestrogen such as Vagifem which will help your nether regions.

Am endlessly horrified by the amount of HCPs who perform smears who don't a) recognise or even know about atrophy and b) how to treat/reverse it

What?

She sent me straight to a prescribing HCP for a prescription for Ovestin, which has improved things no end.

You misrepresent what was said and the tone it was said in. There was nothing celebratory about it because we both understood that having the kind of fanny portrayed in porn is nothing to be proud of. The remark was made as a kind of sad recognition of the lengths some women will go to to conform to male ideas.

He’s a doctor who doesn’t know the difference between a vagina and a vulva? So he’s thick as well as creepy, what a catch!

@Rubydoobydoobydoo Amazing, on every level. Am so glad to read this!

Come on, most people use "vagina" colloquially to mean the whole area in everyday life. I'm sure he does know. I wrote that to pre-empt this kind of debate but it's happened anyway.

exactly