Weird comment moment on vaginas

[hesyetanothersketchyOLD]

This wasn't a relationship, just a potential physical thing that actually fizzled out before it happened, but the guy in question said he wanted to see my vagina* to check how it looked become some vaginas "look like they've been run over". Anyway, attraction went away on his part (I didn't show him!), but this comment stood out to me. He said a few other questionable things, too.

Just wondering if anyone's come across someone who seemed to have standards for vaginas like that before? Is it a porn influence? 🤔

* Yes, he should have said vulva

Yep.

I would say that, ironically, porn has been the single most perspective giving, reassuring thing re. genital appearance.

Op, the bruises thing highlights for me that this guy is odd.

Most people would barely notice, and if they did would probably ot comment, and if they did comment; it would probably only be conversation around his you got them, do you play a sport etc.

He sounds weirdly pernickety, and fixated on small things (I mean, bruises fade, they are temporary).

Most people don't see almonds genital appearance as a deal breaker. Occasionally a fes people do, but most don't. There are other overarching things that are more important - overall, the person's looks, personality, circumstances etc.

And most people, even if they did rate genital.appearance as a deal breaker, would not ask to see them ahead of sexual contact. They would just have the sexual contact and, if if really was totally off-putting or a deal breaker for them, would just not continue seeing the person, and probably make UK an excuse.

He's very "eccentric".

I would guess their may be some neuro divergence, manifesting in a very negative way, going on with him.

Did you say he's never been married or in a serious relationship by 40?

That's unusual for medics, they usually get into relationships with fellow medics in their 20s or so, and if they don't their prospects are so good with non medics that they're "high value" on the dating market and have a tonne of opportunities and generally settle with one of them.

He's an odd ball

What an absolute creep. I’d have thought a doctor of all people might have known that due to pesky things like childbirth women’s genitalia might not be up to porn standards 🙄

might not be up to porn standards

I've seen every size and shape of vulvas in porn.

So there aren't even "porn standards".

Some people have preferences re genital appearance - and incidentally I've seen men on a very male dominated forum say they prefer larger, fleshy labia and find them a turn on - but I would think it'd extremely unusual to express that to someone verbally and even more so, to ask to view them (!) before having sexual contact.

Most people would not say that out loud and would just see how the persons genital are during sexual contact and consider whether they were "acceptable" to them, in the context of everything else about the person.

This guy is, again, an odd ball.

I'm getting Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory vibes from him (if Sheldon wasn't asexual).

He's treating sex and intimate interaction with another person like he's buying a steak from the butcher, like "let me see which cut you're giving me, sometimes there's too much fat on them, I don't like that".

That's an acceptable conversation to have when buying steak from a purveyor of meat, the "convo" he had with you ahead of engaging in sexual contact is not normal or acceptable.
I think even a sex worker having that said to them would be pissed off and grinding their teeth, if they even went ahead with the "punt".

Why are you doing this? (Re:stretch marks)

I have scars and stretch marks on my abdomen. I had a full laparotomy and bladder surgery at different times. My abdomen looks like an ordinance survey map .

It would never occur to me to 'warn' anyone. They are part of me and my life story. I would not be sleeping with anyone if I thought for a second it would put them off! If they fancy you as a package, that's part of the package. I have had the odd question about it, but only out of curiosity, but it's never put anyone off.

How would you feel if a man 'warned you' about his own body hang ups? You'd probably think 'why is he worried about that?'

I agree. What a horrendous thing to say. Men can be vile.

Awful. I know a good few doctors but none like that! Not even remotely like that.

Well, that's a man who really doesn't like women. 🤷‍♀️

the guy in question said he wanted to see my vagina to check how it looked become some vaginas 'look like they've been run over' *

That is fucking hilarious, weird, and unacceptable in equal measures. 😂

And what would he have said if it was a vagina that he didn't like? 'Umm yeah...your vagina does look like it's been run-over in fact, so byeeee'!

Tbh I would wonder if he was gay.

Yes I agree, and I also think this why many men so casually send dick picks.

For them, it's like selling something over ebay or Facebook Local groups. It makes sense to show the other person 'the product' to see if they like it, and make sure they don't make a wasted trip.

Yes!!

Yes a lot of them are narcissists.

Tbh this guy deserved to have the response "show me your dick first cause some of them look like pencils or thimbles"

....... Followed by saying you don't think this will work and not showing him your bits after he did it.

As for stretch marks ..... Pretty common, I'd say.
If a man wants a woman with zero stretch marks, he'll be looking a while. Which is maybe why he's still single at 40.

(That plus the "show me your cunt til I judge if it's acceptable before I deign to have sex with you".

It's almost funny, it's so crazy, entitled and weird.

The only way I'd be doing that would be if I was a sex worker and they were going to pay a lot of money for sex. Even then, you'd suspect they were just looking for free pics/just enjoying the exchange or domination or something, and were not going to follow through on meeting & paying. I think I'd prefer a punter who was less upright, pernickety and who doesn't want a blow up doll. You'd worry what they'd be like sexually.
Can't imagine them being good. Men who are good at sex generally like women in all their varieties).

They tend to be joyful, enthusiastic, tolerant etc about sex and bodies...... So I'd say he's a shit shag.

(As well as treating women like they're sides of beef he's considering buying in the butcher's counter).

It's so outrageous and mental I have to wonder if it's extreme negging (?)

To see if you'll "obey" and to set the tone that he's extremely choosy (and in control), and that you're lucky if he shags you.

He just wanted you to send a fanny photo, OP. And he wasn't a doctor.

Re the whole vulva thing, I have always felt very self-conscious about not having proper labia minora. I'm very plain and simple down below, whereas other women seem to have something more interesting going on. Only recently I was told by an HCP that I've got the perfect porn fanny. I think she meant it nicely but ouch, I'd rather have it described as elegantly minimalist.

I'm a sex worker. I have a untidy fanny. Not one of the thousands of men I've had sex with has ever been put off by it. I have many friends in the industry and none of them have ever reported negative comments either. And I don't know anyone who has had a labiaplasty (and most of my friends are 40+ and have given birth.)

There is a repulsive forum where men review and slag off sex workers. It's a misogynistic cesspit of scumbags, yet even there I can't recall the last time I read a comment about "her fanny was untidy". (cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, fat bits, bad boob jobs, wonky teeth, scarring - all of these are in the firing line.)

I'd have to conclude that this man was either attempting to get a free photo/gander, or he's not actually attracted to women.

Eh? Why?

Just to reiterate a couple of points: he is a doctor; it's really annoying that people keep on claiming he isn't. You might not like that a doctor said that but guess what? That doesn't mean it didn't happen.

If anything sounds fabricated to me, it's this anecdote: "Only recently I was told by an HCP that I've got the perfect porn fanny".

Secondly, this happened in person so he wasn't looking for a pic.

Oh and I didn't say he'd always been single. Someone else must have said that and they couldn't be further from the truth.

No, he sounds like the sort of man who locks women in his mother's basement.

I’m very naive. I don’t know what my vulva should look like or what the standards are that a man would have for it high or low. 😮

I’m an old married woman but my DH and anyone else lucky enough to have had sex with me has taken it as they’ve found it! I’ve not given it much thought right! No complaints (compliments I’m sure just part of seduction).

Blimey modern dating! He wasn’t asking for pictures? You weren’t in the throes of passion he just said “show me you cunt” so I can decide if I fancy you? Blimey! Romance really is dead!

What an absolute creep.

If I ever got to the stage of seeing a woman naked I was so in awe that it wouldn't cross my mind to judge. Stretch marks, scars, cellulite, fat - who cares? They were all beautiful.

Yeh. With him. 😱