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Original poster

Do all men cheat?

300 replies

Sundance03 · 06/11/2023 18:44

I see a lot of posts on MN about DH affairs and cheating. It makes me nervous... I don't think my DH has ever cheated.. at least that I know of. Am I very naive in thinking that there are men that do not cheat out there?

OP posts:
Redlarge · 06/11/2023 18:47

Id say its a 90/10 split. Some wouldnt dream of it... or have the opportunity.

MonsteraMama · 06/11/2023 18:48

Of course not. But the women married to the men who don't cheat don't post updates saying "husband still hasn't cheated, we're happy and all is well!"

Don't use social media posts as a yardstick to measure your relationship against because it's not a representation of the average, but the worst.

hologramvirus · 06/11/2023 18:49

Of course there are men who don't cheat! Just like there are women who do not cheat!

There are, however, many more who cheat than I thought, and in far worse ways than I thought, and you really can't tell the cheaters from the faithful by their personalities or devotion to their partners. That is what I have learnt from real life.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/11/2023 18:50

No one ever knows 100% their partner won't because you don't know what effect different circumstances will have
But I'm as certain as could be DH has neither the inclination nor the energy.

You have to live life aware it could but having faith that it won't, imo

43ontherocksporfavor · 06/11/2023 18:54

I think most men DON’T cheat. You must be mixing with the wrong men. Why would you say that?

Catsafterme · 06/11/2023 18:56

Not all men do, I haven't cheated and never intend to, I wouldn't hurt someone like that. It's a deal breaker for me also.

I'm assuming a large proportion don't think the same but sure there's others that do.

Shapemyeyebrows · 06/11/2023 19:02

me and a couple of friends were talking about this recently, about how out all the long standing couples we know there’s not many where there’s been no cheating. It always seems to come out in the end. Although saying that, it’s not always been the man. Majority it was the men cheated but a few were the women. I don’t think all men cheat but I think the number that do is high.

RecycleMePlease · 06/11/2023 19:04

No, of course not.

I think there's a fair proportion of cowards though, who check out of a relationship but don't bother to tell their partner, and so probably don't think of what they're doing as cheating

Chypre · 06/11/2023 19:04

To cheat one has to be in a committed relationship, to start with. Not all men are, many are single. Do all men in a committed relationship cheat? Obviously not - some truly can't be bothered, some never get a chance/candidate.

Libertass · 06/11/2023 19:06

In my experience men &women cheat on their partners in approximately equal numbers. It takes two to tango, after all…

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 19:08

I think pretty nearly all men would cheat if they had the opportunity and knew they could get away with it. Some men have the self-awareness to know that their dating ''up'' and wouldn't risk trying to start again, or, they wouldn't want a messy divorce. But I believe 9 out of 10 confident, good looking men would cheat if they knew there was no way their partner would find out.
When the circumstances are closer to home the number out of 10 would go down obviously.

But the people saying DH would never cheat, I always wonder if he looks like the back of a bus or is a real introvert who couldn't chat up another introvert.

Herbiebanannas · 06/11/2023 19:08

No we don’t all cheat, any more than women do.

i have had several opportunities should I be that way inclined, and in fact there is a woman at work who I am certain if I asked her she would reciprocate right now but guess what? I love my wife and I am not a dick.

I have far more male friends who have been cheated on, than have cheated. Surprisingly, they don’t all come on here and complain about their cheating women who have ruined their lives and taken their kids from them

43ontherocksporfavor · 06/11/2023 19:10

I know my DH would never cheat. It’s just not his character. He’s loyal and kind and that was part of the attraction.Been together 31 years.

Herbiebanannas · 06/11/2023 19:10

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 19:08

I think pretty nearly all men would cheat if they had the opportunity and knew they could get away with it. Some men have the self-awareness to know that their dating ''up'' and wouldn't risk trying to start again, or, they wouldn't want a messy divorce. But I believe 9 out of 10 confident, good looking men would cheat if they knew there was no way their partner would find out.
When the circumstances are closer to home the number out of 10 would go down obviously.

But the people saying DH would never cheat, I always wonder if he looks like the back of a bus or is a real introvert who couldn't chat up another introvert.

Edited

What a load of crap.

Seriously

occa · 06/11/2023 19:10

I've always worked in male-dominated environments (often working away from home) and ime the non-cheaters are vastly in the minority.

There are the just-happened-once people, the serially unfaithful, the shockingly promiscuous, and the long-term relationship on the side people, but there are not many who don't fall into one of those.

BigFatLiar · 06/11/2023 19:12

But the people saying DH would never cheat, I always wonder if he looks like the back of a bus or is a real introvert who couldn't chat up another introvert.

Or can't be arsed or loves his wife.

justalittlesnoel · 06/11/2023 19:12

I don't think so, I just think you hear about it more. Like PP said people don't start threads about their loyal spouses!

I know my DH wouldn't cheat for a variety of reasons, but there's always someone saying "if he could get away with it he would" - I just think that's a sad sort of mentality to live with. I just think you talk more about people doing bad things that normal good things!

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 19:13

@Herbiebanannas not crap no. You can't read. I didn't say that 9 out of 10 men cheat. I said that if all the circumstances were aligned so as to reduce the chance of every being caught then 9 out of 10 would cheat. But that doesn't meant that 9 out of 10 men get the opportunity to cheat. I'd say less than a quarter of men are potentially charming enough and handsome enough to be able be married and still appeal to other women. so it's like 90% of 25% will cheat. You're not thinking it through when you react with knee jerk outrage.

Neriah · 06/11/2023 19:14

Redlarge · 06/11/2023 18:47

Id say its a 90/10 split. Some wouldnt dream of it... or have the opportunity.

Any actual evidence for that?

Do all women cheat?

Swimeveryday · 06/11/2023 19:14

I worked in sexual health and a lot of men and women cheat and make their faithful partners live a lie. Cheating is cowardly and selfish. Not the act of sex itself that’s just physical it’s just the arrogance and entitlement that making someone you are suppose to love and have said you’ll be faithful to live a lie is abhorrent to me especially when the faithful spouse ends up with a STI.

I’ve always been upfront and said early on in a relationship if you want to have sex with someone else tell me I’m a big girl I can handle it what I don’t want is to live a lie!

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 19:15

Same @occa I worked in The City and it was just the norm. The minority wouldn't dream of it.

43ontherocksporfavor · 06/11/2023 19:15

@WeeDove DH is very handsome. He would never chat someone up even if single. He’s just a decent human being. I’m very lucky but I also wouldn’t tolerate anything less.

Herbiebanannas · 06/11/2023 19:15

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 19:13

@Herbiebanannas not crap no. You can't read. I didn't say that 9 out of 10 men cheat. I said that if all the circumstances were aligned so as to reduce the chance of every being caught then 9 out of 10 would cheat. But that doesn't meant that 9 out of 10 men get the opportunity to cheat. I'd say less than a quarter of men are potentially charming enough and handsome enough to be able be married and still appeal to other women. so it's like 90% of 25% will cheat. You're not thinking it through when you react with knee jerk outrage.

That post contains even more crap than the first one.

Well done

CuteCillian · 06/11/2023 19:17

In my experience, the majority of married men do not cheat. I work in a very male dominated industry.
Some men may behave in a way that many wives would not see as acceptable (visiting 'gentlemen's' clubs, being suggestive to colleagues, sending flirty texts etc.) but would be horrified if their wives saw this as threatening the marriage. They are not proud of their behaviour so keep fairly quiet about it.
Some women do behave similarly but generally have less opportunity to do so, that situation is changing.
In my personal life I would estimate around 20% of married men cheat.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 06/11/2023 19:17

I’ve always been upfront and said early on in a relationship if you want to have sex with someone else tell me I’m a big girl I can handle it what I don’t want is to live a lie!

You can say that, but it doesn't mean he will tell you. If a man has a comfortable relationship which suits him, but fancies having his cake and eating it, where's the benefit to him of coming clean?