Do all men cheat?

[Sundance03]

I see a lot of posts on MN about DH affairs and cheating. It makes me nervous... I don't think my DH has ever cheated.. at least that I know of. Am I very naive in thinking that there are men that do not cheat out there?

A lot of people would and do if given the chance. You only hear once caught, and then some couples keep quiet and keep going on.

Also people have different ideas on what’s cheating, so some flirting and sexting is cheating to others it’s harmless fun.

Any person who says my dh/dw never ever would is naive at best, often they are the ones most likely to be and getting away with it because the trust is unconditional and love is blind.

I also think a lot of cheating is where both parties have partners. Like a mutual reason to keep your mouth shut, where as cheating with a single is much more risky as they have nothing to lose by blabbing.

I think a lot of men don’t cheat. But then DB when he was married to his first wife who did cheat on him, said that a lot of men did in fact cheat.

I think some men cheat because they can and don’t get found out. You can’t change them.

I would say though, there are some men I’ve known who’ve cheated and they’re honest the last person you’d expect.

My ex husband cheated on me and he really was the last person you expected to do something like that, so much so people assumed I'd been the one that cheated!

That doesn't mean I think every man will cheat and assuming the worst really is no way to live.

Surely you can see that the kind of men being posted about on a board about relationship problems are not representative of the general population? Women whose husbands aren't cheating on them, aka the vast majority, don't post about it

I actually agree with this in parts. I think a lot of cheating is about opportunity. If a very attractive man works closely with 10 woman, all who fancy him. Then surely the odds of him having his head turned is more than a less attractive guy working with 10 woman who all don’t fancy him. It only takes one person where there’s a mutual attraction for something to develop especially in a close environment such as work. Same for women. It’s obviously not all about looks and this could also apply to someone who has a winning personality which makes them very attractive. But if you get zero interest elsewhere outside of your relationship, then cheating is not really an option.

Not all men cheat. However, from a significant experience of Stag do, Birthday trips away and holidays with friends, acquaintances and men I didn't know, a majority of men do and will. Over a 25 year marriage for example id say 75% of men have cheated or would have cheated given the opportunity at somepoint.

A female friend who works in a male environment became single recently. Three married men who she'd known years and considered friends all proportioned her within a month. She was shocked, I wasnt in slightest.

I agree with @occa I worked in male dominated industries where the men travel a lot away from home and I hate to say it, but given the opportunity I think most of them would have cheated. I saw a lot of cheating and the wives had no idea.
I’d day 30% were serial cheaters, 40% went after it every now and then, 15% did it if given the chance and the woman came onto them and 15% never would.

Not all men cheat, of course not. Not all women either. But there are no guarantees and over time people change and outlooks change. We take people at their word and try our best to live up to ours.
There are very few 100% probabilities in life except the old adage of death and taxes, however.
I read a post above though which could have been written by me with total complete and utter conviction four years ago. Not any more.
Commitment is a choice, a daily choice, as is trust. There is no guarantee that both will continue forever, none whatsoever. We base our trust and loyalty on the previous behaviour and character of our partner, of what we know about them. But nothing is certain, so we choose to give our trust and commitment to them without ever having a guarantee. A lot of the time it turns out well. Sometimes it doesn’t.

From my point of view ive been with my wife since the mid 2000s have a beautiful daughter and a 10 year marriage. Were both reasonably good looking and have both had opportunities presented. We both tell each other everything and wouldnt stray.

I'm with my best friend, Wife and mother to my daughter we both have huge respect for one another and have always said that IF it came to the point where either of us felt the need to cheat we would just end it before it got to that point!

Id literally walk through glass barefooted for my family!

Need some advice after my partner of 11years says he has been messaging a girl half his age but he won't delete her.

Wow, am so sorry to hear of all the cheating stories I can only imagine how hard it must have been. As pp have Said I suppose there's no guarantees. I just feel that everywhere I go I hear a cheating story or know of a couple who have split up after years of marriage. It had just got me thinking about mine and DH relationship

well an old flame of mine from teenage years and who is also neighbour is married 17 years next year, in his 40’s propositioned me last xmas, we kissed etc, nothing more. Never in my wildest dreams did i think we would both cheat on our husband/wife. It was an “ideal opportunity” for him as i was out alone and he was out alone too and i had a fair bit to drink and he knew from the outset i was on my own, bought me a drink etc. both never cheated within our marriages previously. He said he fancied me, that we have a connection etc. we didnt do anything since that night for obvious reasons bit his wife had a pic of them out for a meal on social media in europe on their 10th anniversary , all loved up.
i genuinely thought he didnt have it in him to do that.
so i am an example of this sadly and you just never know 😞

No

No they don't, perhaps most do but not all, however some women here who have been badly hurt and damaged by men will not believe that some men are capable for true faithfulness however such men do exist.

Don’t let this colour your relationship OP. Work as hard as you can to nurture the relationship between you, notice the occasional Groundhog Day and break into the cycle, try as hard as you can to not take each other for granted and talk. Talk and talk some more. Check in on each other, keep the couple connection alive. Work, kids, money, elderly relatives, illness, bereavement…. all these things are normal but can have lows (as well as the lovely highs attached to some of them) and suck energy out of even the strongest relationship. When I say “you” I mean both of you, not just you. Communication is absolutely vital, and the obvious stuff like the little things that can change a day, like a loving text or something as simple as a cuppa you didn’t ask for. Show each other you matter, you care, and you are a team. Long relationships take work, I don’t care what anyone says about if you have to work at it it’s not working. Effort on both sides is what makes it work. At 30 you’re not the person you were at 20 etc etc, people and relationships have to evolve.
Choose love, choose loyalty and choose trust every day.

Yeah, I think it's all down to opportunity and IF they can get away with it or not.

Just to add to this people are much less likely to cheat when they have everything they want at home.

Basically for most people that is love, respect, fun and passion.

Start taking the basics away, or making someone’s life miserable by restricting any of the above and eyes are much more likely to start to wander.

I don't think it's realistic for anyone to say about anyone else "I know for a fact they would never cheat", because until that moment arises you just don't know what they will choose to do given the opportunity.

I also think that it's perfectly feasible that someone who has never had any inclination whatsoever to be unfaithful, despite opportunity, could find themselves in a situation where they give into temptation just once despite it never having occurred previously.

Having the expectation that your partner remains monogamous is perfectly reasonable, but having the expectation that you can live your entire life without that ever happening to you is a different thing altogether. I also think the vast majority of indiscretions are never discovered, so there will be a whole heap of "he/she would never cheat on me" people who are living in blissful ignorance.

Do ALL men cheat? No, but I find the assertion that a lot of married men are not attractive or charismatic enough to find a willing accomplice ludicrous and laughably naive. After all, there's already one person who evidently found them sufficiently attractive and charismatic enough that they married them, and there are 8 billion people on the planet.

People (men and women) cheat, and given there are roughly equal numbers of men and women, it is reasonable to assume they cheat at about the same frequency.

Alter all, all these cheating men need someone to have sex with…

sure, female sex workers might skew the numbers somewhat but still…

Yes. All men cheat. So you should cheat too. Like RN. With me. 😈

I don’t think you can generalise a gender
I work in a male dominated industry and you’d be surprised how many of there wives /partners have affairs

where it’s and ego or shame thing men tend to be less vocal about there partners shagging someone else

There are lots of comments on here about people on work trips cheating etc, and assumptions that the wife at home doesn’t know.

A surprising number of people have open or relationships and it’s not for others to judge or assume.

There is plenty of evidence of that on the sex board here.

I think it is an awful lot more common than many on here would like to believe, for both men and women. And often, they are so utterly blasé about it, it is horrifying. For example, they are quite happy to be having a shag fest with Sally from accounts, which everyone knows about, but will not think twice about bringing their wife to the works Christmas party and seemingly are not concerned that someone might let it slip? I have seen that from both sexes. I just don’t get it, it’s so disrespectful and vile but I think they somehow get an extra thrill from the risk?
Blind trust is, in my experience, wildly overrated and to say your husband or wife would “never” do something is naive, at best. We do not have the power to control anyone else’s actions, only our own and even then, there are enough threads on here from people who “find themselves” cheating when they never thought they would. I live firmly in the land of “trust but verify” but I’m never surprised when yet another person , man or woman, is caught. At heart, I think a lot of people are just very selfish.

Im an expat living in Asia;

I can say with confidence, because I know, that of the group of 15 other couples that I 'know', 11 ELEVEN of the husbands are regularly using sex workers.

Not 'one offs' but regular and sustained use, with most favouring one specific worker, and at least 3 of that 11, paying for rent and exclusive 'use' on a weekly basis, and a fulltime, residential basis if the wife is away visiting the home country.

11 of the wives do NOT know, and, are not remotely suspicious ( as far as I'm aware, and in the context of regular social contact, girl on girl )

Please know, I have deliberated very deeply as to whether to say anything about this within the social circle, but as per the usual MN advice, I will stay in my own lane. It's far too small a place to make waves. Im very conflicted, but, thats another story.

So, do all men cheat? Id say nearly......

Also if the people I know have cheated, not one has been caught. In the last year I know of 10 men who have been unfaithful. Not one has been found out.