Do all men cheat?

[Sundance03]

I see a lot of posts on MN about DH affairs and cheating. It makes me nervous... I don't think my DH has ever cheated.. at least that I know of. Am I very naive in thinking that there are men that do not cheat out there?

Every word of this.

It is hard to get firm data on how many people cheat, but at least 50% of marriages appear to be impacted by infidelity. In all the articles, it is more often the man that cheats. One paper I just looked at said that 75% of men have cheated at some point in their life, and 68% of women. Not necessarily their current relationship, but at some point.

I think it all comes down to personality and maybe their values, how selfish they can be perhaps.

This sums it up really.

I think if they get the opportunity 90% do. I also think some are better liars than others.

I think many people cheat, both men and women.
I think it’s an even split.

I used to think cheating was a rare occurrence and it does shock me how many people I know who have cheated or thought about it.

But not everyone is a cheat and I wouldn’t let it put you off.

If this was a predominantly male forum you would hear about women cheating more.
There also aren’t going to be threads telling you how their DP doesn’t cheat, so it can skew your opinion of men.

I think if they get the "opportunity" they've already decided they will cheat. Single and/or willing men and women give off a vibe that closed off men and women don't give off!

I think you have to remember that this is mumsnet, the place where so many with problems go so it skews the answers.

Same with any other survey or statistics you get, depends on who's answering.

I remember someone saying over a quarter of children who were dna checked were not the child of the father. But then you need to remember that's children checked (for whatever reason) and the vast majority aren't because their families are stable so the real result would probably be fairly small.

I've been with DH 30 years and I am utterly sure that he has never strayed.

Jeez this thread is depressing.

Women claiming that 90 percent of men will cheat given the opportunity etc.

Nearky all men get the opportunity. Most of us remove ourselves from the situation at the first sign of danger.

I am truly sorry to those of you posting who have clearly been on the wrong end of this but the fact is PEOPLE cheat. Not men anymore than women, in fact in my experience it is far more women and if you went onto a predominantly male forum you would obviously see a different thread with men mourning the loss of their relationship and probably their kids.

Horrible people cheat and nice people don’t. Both types of person includes men and women.

So, FWIW as these are US statistics (based on 2 university studies):

Between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat.

Another study showed that 68% of women and 74% of men would cheat if it were 100% certain they wouldn't get caught. I find that percentage disconcerting, these people aren't not cheating out of love for or honour towards their spouse, but because they're afraid of getting caught.

It’s understandable when women end up jaded because they were with someone who they never thought would have cheated, but then did.

I wonder if it’s case of seeing what they wanted to see? Because some of my friends across the years have had partners who they are utterly convinced by, but whom others have not been surprised much at all at the cheating when it happened.

I’m not calling these women naive or anything – I’ve certainly been the victim of rose-tinted glasses myself. It just makes me wonder.

I'm about as confident as I can be that my DF won't cheat on me. When we met he was married and despite the instant attraction, shared interests and very obvious interest from me (in my defence, I didn't know he was married until the end of the evening), we became friends. Months later he messaged me to say his wife had been cheating on him for months, owned up and left.

It wasn't until then that we started anything more than a platonic relationship.

My theory is, knowing how strong the attraction between us was, the fact that he didn't cheat on his wife with me, makes me pretty secure that he's not going to cheat on me.

You'd look rather smug if you came on to say it'll never happen. DH and I have been together thirty years. As far as I know he hasn't cheated but you never know. Some here think when it's presented on a plate that all men would take the opportunity. It isn't always the case.
A local shop worker chased DH for years. I knew all about her and despite no encouragement she'd write long letters confessing her love. It got really uncomfortable when years later DS1 became best friends with her nephew. I'd often see her when I picked DS up. She was rude to the point DS noticed. It was all very weird. She eventually married but reappeared after it broke down. I haven't seen her for about 10 years now. Another, a mother of seven even sent her son into work to give DH her number. DH is a nice guy, not flirty and I fancy him still but he's no model. I've been shocked over the years how blatant some women are, especially with a clearly married man.
I have faith we'll be together for the rest of our lives, otherwise I wouldn't have married DH. I've always said there are lines and being unfaithful would be one, once crossed, there'd be no coming back from. Whether faced with it I'd change my mind, I don't know but DH does know I've always chosen a life I could afford independent of him financially, which seems a huge factor for those who decide to stay on MN. I don't need him, he complements my life and is a great husband and father.

My ex husband, who was quiet, introverted, socially shy and recluse, was an avid user of illicit dating sites and went on to cheat.

My on an off boyfriend of many years, who generally is a great caring boyfriend and vocal about his family values, was a serial user of sex sites and had a fantastic reviews of his sexual performance during the time we were together, despite of us having amazing sex all the time.

The guy I dated afterwards seemed to have impeccable integrity, but he admitted that he lost his previous partner due to cheating on her.

I don't trust men anymore. Maybe some don't cheat but I have not met these. Maybe the good ones are all married?

@AcrossthePond55 I think those are the big IFS studies - they showed that in 2017 men overall cheated more than women, but younger women cheated more than younger men, I think there was an update In about 2020 that showed men still cheated more, but the level of cheating in women was increasing

The study publication date was 2021 and it was U of Utah and U of New Mexico. I don't know if that's where the stats for IFS came from.

I do think the percentage of women who cheat is probably increasing. Don't get me wrong, I think cheating is absolutely wrong for both sexes, but I think in the past that it was thought of as 'morally worse' for a woman to cheat. I think that 'distinction' is pretty much gone now and as a result more women who want to cheat feel freer to do so. I also think cheating is 'easier' these days with mobile phones and internet dating.

Of course not, just as not all women are bitches

Of course they would.

If a man knows he wouldn't get caught, I would be surprised if as much as 5% turn down sex with someone else.

It's naiive to think otherwise.

Most of them will if they get an easy opportunity and think their wife won't find out. Even the ones you wouldn't think of.

There is a smaller, but still substantial number who will actively pursue other women.

I think there's some merit in this.
DH travels for work frequently and often he's travelling with women he works closely with. So technically has plenty of opportunities. However, I know the vibe he gives off is that he's not willing to cheat and is happily married
Our sectors cross over occasionally and all anyone ever tells me is how much he talks about me and our family.

My DH would never and he’s definitely had the opportunity! I’ve seen the women messaging him and he ignores them completely or gives some comical responses eg. “Try harder.” He doesn’t cheat because he’s devoted to me, wouldn’t want to hurt me, and it would be stupid to throw away our family.

I have heard of men cheating on their wives who are completely unaware though. A male race mechanic friend would tell tales of his married mechanic coworkers cheating all the time in foreign countries.

He sounds amazingly dull.

There are plenty of threads on here regarding women having affairs to so I don't think it's one sided and I presume cheating OH are not only pursuing single females but attached women too.
In fact it was my wife that cheated, not me. I have never cheated on a partner.

He sounds amazingly dull.

Why? Because he loves his wife and family?

I mean, when someone says 'all he ever talks about' you know it's a turn of phrase right? It's not literally all they talk about 🙄