Do all men cheat?

[Sundance03]

I see a lot of posts on MN about DH affairs and cheating. It makes me nervous... I don't think my DH has ever cheated.. at least that I know of. Am I very naive in thinking that there are men that do not cheat out there?

I doubt very much he has never cheated before.

Then stop....🤷🏼‍♀️

No

No, not all men cheat, but as I've gotten older I realise now you can never be too naive to think "this man would never!" and even the ones you would never think would cheat, can and do.

Then why don't you just stop?

DH's first wife started cheating on him when they had been dating for 3 months, he found out years later. She felt it was her right to shag who she wanted. They got married and she shagged the (married) bloke upstairs and his best friend during the first year. Then they split up.

I have far more male friends who have been cheated on, than have cheated. Surprisingly, they don’t all come on here and complain about their cheating women who have ruined their lives and taken their kids from them.

That's because most of them are on Reddit.

This basically describes by ex partner. Until he did cheat.

@Chamenangers All people in affairs think it’s mind blowing and know it’s fucking terrible yet on it goes, because nobody else matters, consequences don’t matter, lying to and betraying the one you made vows to doesn’t matter, potentially damaging people for the rest of their lives doesn’t matter, because it’s mind blowing after all.
What actually is, is the kind of behaviour that destroys lives, puts people into therapy because their mental health is so damaged, leads people to never be able to trust again, leaves children moving between two homes and conflicted about their parental relationships, and is the worst thing you can go through outside of the death of a child.
I can’t read this crap and not comment, what is mind blowing to me is the level of entitlement and selfishness that grown adults display, duping and using others so that they can get their mind blown (amongst other things) and have a little holiday from their promises and responsibilities.
Please don’t ‘blah blah’ this by saying “I’m under no illusions about how fucking terrible it is”. Yes, you really, really are, a massive delusion to be precise, or you’d never go anywhere near an affair. The pain and devastation that you and he will inflict is all over this forum. People with PTSD for years, to name but one thread. You want to be a part of the cause of that?
@Chamenangers you have absolutely no idea I’m afraid, if you argue that you do, ask yourself why on earth you are continuing to do such a thing. Do you want to be that person? Both of you must be hard as nails in that case.
Have another mind blowing day anyway. You’ve blown my mind this morning for a start.

Every single one of my DHs friends have cheated (a few of their wives/partners know). His friends not mine. DH also. A few of my friends have but not nearly as many women, maybe a fifth - too much to loose and can't be bothered. One lady I know however only dates married men and uses an OLD site specifically for affairs - so there's that.

Yes. I am one of those that don't.

No of course they don’t. They’re individuals, like women.

My ex husband, married 12 years, didn’t cheat. He wasn’t ugly and probably could have done but it’s not in him. My current partner I’m quite confident hasn’t and wouldn’t. My ex flirted with it (on the apps but just chatting) and is an ex for that amongst other reasons. I don’t think all people cheat.

I hope not!

We all have opportunity to cheat - tinder is at our fingertips. It’s a choice.

I do believe there should be more education on the psychological effects of cheating. The devastation it causes to adults and children and families. Depression, PTSD, trust issues, security. The true extent of the damage caused must be far vaster than we think.

I think the portrayal of Disney style relationships that don’t need working on doesn’t help matters. Unrealistic expectations about marriage. Not being empathetic and talking about problems.

I think understanding the effect of cheating on the victim may make SOME people make better choices. It would also help people recognise it us NEVER the victims fault. We are not powerful to control a partners choice to cheat.

I choose not to cheat for me. However I understand that Ptsd from being cheated on is real and I would hate to be responsible for causing that to someone I willingly chose to marry - that is a close second as to why I don’t cheat. I would hate that my poor choices could give my spouse PTSD, I wouldn’t like what that made me. I have to live with me forever!

OH doesn't see the point of cheating. He's not really into relationships and found dating me stressful enough at first, as far as he's concerned he's not going through that again. When I was seriously ill I did say that he should remarry if the worst happened but he simply said he wasn't interested and wanted me, if I wasn't there he'd be happy raising the girls but I was his one partner and always would be.

@Sundance03 I'm a married man and I would never cheat. I've had opportunities and steered well clear because I always knew in my mind that I absolutely did not want to do that. I would never want to hurt my wife, but even if she never found out I would feel terribly guilty and would regret it forever. So I would never allow myself to get near that situation.

There are a lot of articles and a lot of wildly varying statistics about cheating generally.

This excerpt from a BBC article, for instance:

Working out how many people have ever been unfaithful is challenging, not least because researchers are reliant on the honest confessions of cheaters. As a result, estimates of infidelity can vary wildly and are often affected by how data are collected. At the higher end of estimates, 75% of men and 68% of women admitted to cheating in some way, at some point, in a relationship (although, more up-to-date research from 2017 suggests that men and women are now engaging in infidelity at similar rates). One of the lowest published rates of infidelity is 14% – still a sizeable number.
Yet only 5% of people believe that their own partner had cheated or will cheat at some point in their relationship, meaning that even the most conservative estimates would suggest that this happens much more frequently than expected. Perhaps we’re too trusting of our partners.

I would never blindly assume that 'my man' would never cheat. I hope he won't, and I have to trust that he won't. But my pragmatic side is cautious, nonetheless.

As an aside- is there a certain amount of ego involved, if you are adamant that your other half would never cheat on you? Is the certainty based not only on the character of the person you are with, but also a tiny bit of 'Why would anyone cheat on me?'

Apt username... :)

Not ALL but MOST yes, and most would (if they haven't already) if given the opportunity

Absolute crap. Plenty of men (and women) wouldn't cheat even if they got the chance

I don't think the majority of cheating men cheat with attached women.

For one thing, men are often very territorial - they're arguably wired to be that way, so they don't like sharing (even while they force their wife or partner to unknowingly share). They tend to go for single women and be quite predatory about that. Old is full of cheating men trying to meet single women outside their immediate area so they won't get caught as easily.

Posters on here will also tell of their predatory behaviour when they are divorced or widowed. The men become predatory and their partners often push the woman out of the group.

I know women who, while single, were constantly propositioned by married men; one while on holiday with his wife and kids. She thought she'd had a few friendly interactions with them; until he got her alone and announced he was coming to her room, after telling her she must be so lonely etc. She told him not to bother.
Other married men at work tried it on with her as well.

As someone said, some men see a single woman as an unused parking space - up for grabs. Others see them as lonely, desperate, and vulnerable. They think women feel the same way about sex as them and are desperate for it.

I don't think the majority of cheating men go after attached women ...or end up cheating with attached women; they aim for single women (through whatever circumstances).

A specimen I dated, who claimed to have good morals, let it slip.once that he didn't understand how single or attached men cheated with attached women ... Because they'd be shagging a woman who was also probably shagging another man; and that was unacceptable to him.