More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Hello MoreLegs

Your old thread is here.

Oh good, the links worked.

Great choice of title MoreLegs. There is indeed some light at the end of the tunnel thanks to your courage and determination. And I have no doubt at all that you will be in a much happier and healthier position than H and OW in the end.

They have alienated everyone but each other and neither of them is the self-sacrificing type. If they stay together it will be because they can't find a better alternative. Hardly a recipe for long term happiness.

Fingers crossed here the certificate arrives and you can get on with the petition. I'm sure he'll be stunned and I'm equally sure that it should be no concern of yours. What matters is what is best for you. He's made his bed and a very uncomfortable one it is likely to prove to be.

Hope you managed to get outside today. I meant to tackle the dandelions but got sidetracked by other chores. Maybe tomorrow.

Sleep tight MoreLegs. You're doing so well.

Great post @CatChant

Hi More Legs, yes just tell him to go to a lawyer and I'd also be tempted to throw in a 'what did you think would happen, you've made you choices' if you get lots of flustered messages. Whether they stay together or not his future looks grim either way. To be that age and rejected by your kids and own family - I couldn't think of anything worse. The only letter I would be writing right now is to myself - a few lines to remind yourself how you feel right now to read later on should he ever try to come crawling back.

Yes MoreLegs you have also helped many with your example of courage and dignity in adversity, it gives everyone a little more courage to deal with whatever they are facing. I think you've been comforted by many Mumsnetters but you have also made a difference too by sharing your story. I hope you know that.

Positive & terrific title for the new thread, @MoreLegsThanMe. You have come so far and I’m in complete awe of your strength.

Thanks for the links to new and old threads @CatChant.

I wouldn’t respond to any panicked texts he may send re: divorce. Maintain your dignified silence and let him work out the process for himself, in the same way you’ve had to learn how to live life without him.

He lost all rights to your support when he slithered out the door. Your silence will be deafening for him.

I’ll cross my fingers for the arrival of the marriage certificate today.

Love the title of the new thread it shows just how far you’ve come. The certificate is due today, keeping all fingers crossed.

Hi legs, just checking into the new thread to cheer you on from the sidelines

Onwards, upwards and into the light @MoreLegsThanMe. Just keep going.

You are the epitome of dignity and I applaud you for that.

Fingers crossed for the marriage certificate arriving today. I agree that if he does start asking what he needs to do a dignified silence is the best way to go.

You are doing so well

A real positive post there, love it!

I’ve just read all your posts, you are so strong. I too am going through the same thing.

On the 22nd April I caught my husband cheating on me. She is 15 years younger than him, she has a 5 year old, she is a work colleague infact she is senior to him.

We have been married for 31 years together for 36. We have 3 kids, 23, 16 and 13. I have been with him since I was 14 years old. I am devastated and I cannot imagine a life without him.

He is a completely different man to the man I knew. He has hardly seen the kids, he can’t bare to look at me or talk to me. He couldn’t wait to get the separation agreement signed.

I brakes my heart to think of them together, I want to tell all their work colleagues what they have done, but I haven’t.....yet. Whether I will or not I don’t know.

It makes me mad that I’m left here trying to hold everything together and deal with the house and the kids and he just walks off into the sunset with absolutely no responsibilities at all. He has said I was a stone round his neck (but won’t tell me why) he has said he has been unhappy for a very long time although I have messages from him telling me how much he loves me and doesn’t want anyone else only me, he would do everything for me, he wants us to be together (this was when I started to have suspicions).

They are complete cowards, it’s you and I that are the strong ones. Keep your chin up. Your doing amazing xx

Im so happy to read how far you have come 🌸

and Im glad you didn't return the Rings 🌷

Another one just checking in on the new thread. Your doing so well legs 💐

I've lurked on your previous threads, just wanted to say how far you have come and to give you

@Californiansunsets oh god, you too So sorry. I'm also in same boat and this thread by @MoreLegsThanMe has really kept me going the last few weeks, she shows so much incredible strength and reading all of the hugely positive and supportive comments, I actually feel like they are directed at me too, you will find the same.
Please feel free to PM me. I am at same stage as Legs, infact unbelievably the last certificate I needed just arrived in the post today! I have lawyer meeting on Friday and will be filing for divorce next week. It was not what I wanted but I have realised it is the only option due to all the hurt and damage that has been caused to me and my teenagers. It is the only way to take some control of this.
Please feel free to PM me, happy to share experiences.
Thank you for new thread Legs. Sending you support as ever xx

Glad to see you didn't return the rings, hope your certificate comes through soon so you can file.

Thinking of you OP

Thinking of you today legs, and all the other lovely ladies here in the same boat. Hopefully all these arseholes will get their comeuppance one day!

Have been following commenting occasionally. Throughout you have shown strength although at times you may not have felt like it. Hope the certificate comes soon so you can get on with the next chapter

Thank you x

No certificate today....

@completelybanjaxed thank you so much. I’m not so sure I’ve shown any bravery or anything like it. I’ve been a wreck most of the time.

And @Californiansunsets I’m so sorry for the position you’ve found yourself in. I really hope some of the wonderful advice I’ve been given helps you too. We are strong - even if we don’t feel it - and they are absolute cowards. Knowing him now, he’s a completely different man to the one I married in 1984. I was so proud and excited for our future, and in love. He seemed to be too. He cried when the DC were born and couldn’t do enough for them. The same DC he can’t even be bothered to attempt to see now. No, that man is dead now. This new one I just don’t recognise.

I know I too must’ve changed over all these years, but my morals are intact, I still have my principles, and I still -stupidly - maintain my marriage vows! How’s all that for ridiculous.

Hopefully the certificate will arrive tomorrow and I can issue. I’ve got better things to spend the £550.00 issue fee on, so I’m taking him for costs. Hit him in the pocket and see how he likes it. He probably needs all his money for her.

If it does come and I do issue, I will have the mother of all wobbles tomorrow so I’m glad I have you all here keeping me going..it has to be done but it’s going to be so hard.

x

Quote for you, op. For courage to do what you need to do. X

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

Well Legs, new thread, new chapter and I love the title, "a little light at the end of the tunnel", such a positive note I love it !

Do you expect him to be in touch when you file, asking what to do?, does he think you're going to hold his hand through this? he does sound childlike, as though he should never experience repercusions.

You are on the precipice of making a huge decision and your bravery for confronting this is remarkable.
I know Legs you say you arn't brave, but you are, your dignity has shone through and the way you have conducted yourself throughout this, is an inspiration to all the other ladies who are experiencing the same heartbreak.

You are an example Legs.

And if you wobble Legs we will be here, whatever you choose to do.
Keep looking at that light, your tunnel is so much more beautiful than his

rat infested sewer of a tunnel, which I have no doubt will collapse one day.

You are remarkable, along with all the other wonderful ladies on here who have bravely been walking with you each step of the way, on their own painful journey.

You’ve got this legs it’s the beginning of wonderful things for you and will help you to let go. Just a few moments of bravery is all you need 💐

Thank you x

@LovelyGirlCompetition that quote is really touching isn’t it, and I totally get it. Thank you for finding it.

@Onthedunes a big part of me thinks yes, he will ask how to proceed. It’s little things like knowing he’ll do that that makes me realise how he sat back and let me do everything during the marriage. If anything needed sorting out it was Legs to the rescue. Well, never ever again. Thank you so much for saying I’m an example. I really don’t feel it though. It’s funny but I admire everyone who’s gone before me and got through, but I can’t see myself as doing anything special.

I hope their tunnel is rat-infested, dark and drippy with one of those enormous hideous fat ball mountains you hear about. Couldn’t happen to two nicer people.

My bravery moments will have to wait @Billybagpuss. Still no marriage certificate today. I’m equally hopeful it might come tomorrow. I know when I have it actually there, in front of me, and it’s the key to ending thirty-seven years, that my bravery might desert me. That’s what I’m scared of. Such a baby.

I so want it to arrive to get this moving on. It’s the only bit of control I’ll have over this disaster.,

x