More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

I get it Legs, it's not just the emotional aspect of divorce, many have to think of the financial aspect aswell. I know a few people who have had long marriages and aquired some wealth, then separated but not divorced as they feel to do so could put half their amassed hard earned money into the lap of the ow or her children.

You sound as though you were the sensible one Legs and I'm sure you know what's best, but that thought that they could re-marry and leave their half of their fortune to another family cuts deep, especially when they are not in their right minds and heavily swayed by a domineering ow.

Children first, I always thought.

Hideous fat ball mountains, where did that come from Legs , love it. I myself was imagining it as a hell hole of a tunnel like on the video 'twisted firestarter' by the Prodigy, yes it's just like that.

I too love the poetry and quotes, they are inspiring and thought provoking for all of us.

Well another day Legs and you sound stronger, I'm pleased you are getting there.

Sleep tight in your tunnel of love surrounded by your family. xx
You are a good woman and mother in my books.

When it arrives legs we will all be virtually walking to the post box with you 💐

"...he sat back and let me do everything during the marriage. If anything needed sorting out it was Legs to the rescue..."

Just think how much time and energy you will have to devote to doing things for yourself without the burden of this ageing man-child. All these years you have been the grown-up and he's had the security of knowing you will always cope with whatever life threw at both of you. Well, not any more, and how alarming that realisation is going to be.

You are brave, you are good, you are unselfish and you are determined. Issuing the petition will be hard. I don't see how it couldn't be. You'll be closing a long chapter of your life and one you invested a lot of work in, but it will be the start of a better, happier life free of deceit.

As @Billybagpuss says think of us on your way to post the petition because we will be there in spirit to hold your hand.

Take care. Hope you're able to enjoy the sunshine today.

Hi OP, you are doing so amazingly and sound so positive. I'm so glad I managed to find your 3rd thread

Hi @MoreLegsThanMe I’m back... I think if you feel the need to respond to any texts when you file, there’s this emoji. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you x

@Onthedunes there is no money to speak of. He was absolutely useless with money, always. Never had a penny to his name a week after payday generally.

The more I talk about all his crapness the more I wonder why the fuck we were together so long. Without him though, I’d not have my DC, so they are the very best to have come out of the marriage.

Still no marriage certificate today! I know it will come but I just want it here and done. I e drawn up countless Petitions in the past. Some upset me because of the details, some were just amicable endings, but doing my own....

@CatChant you’re so right. All these years he’s had me to support him and problem solve. All he’s ever had to think is oh, Legs will sort it. I’ve thought for a long long time that I have no one to rely on or help me out, unless I do it myself. I’d love to have someone to lean on, really I would.

@Billybagpuss I’ll hold you to that help to get it issued!

Thank you Marshy. It touches me that people check in with me to see how I am. I’ve never had anything like that in RL. And Justilou that shrugging emoji is fabulous. I’ll use it when he messages asking what to do next - see, he expects Legs to the rescue again.

I told three people I used to work with what had happened. It took them a while to reply (probably trying to take it in) but they’ve all sent love and hugs and suggestions we meet. It was still very very hard to tell them though. That feeling of shame isn’t fading yet.

It felt humid today but not too much sun. Spent most of the day outside though. Rather that than just sitting inside.

Send your best vibes for the arrival of the marriage certificate tomorrow...

x

Oh @MoreLegsThanMe this is your best update yet.

The reality of how much he has taken you for granted is really starting to become clear, and you’ve confided in people in real life. The second one will be huge as whilst you won’t want to be talking about it very much, you will no longer feel like you’re carrying around this huge secret and know you still feel otherwise but it’s nothing to feel ashamed about. People change, you’ve had some good times, then it wasn’t. Hopefully it will feel like a weight lifted from you and meeting up with friends is exactly what you need.

No wonder your kids don’t miss him @MoreLegsThanMe. He sounds like he checked out of everyone’s life in more ways than you might have been aware of a LONG time ago.

Hey @MoreLegsThanMe I think maybe it's time to chase up the certificate?

You and your kids are better off without him.

I'm glad you've reached out and told people, you've nothing to be ashamed of and might find support in the strangest places.

I’m also pleased you’ve reached out. I think that it shows acceptance and hopefully that you’re not as ashamed or shouldering so much of the burden of guilt for the failure of the marriage. You were carrying the entire weight of it anyway, I can see why you felt responsible for it’s success, but it was never going to be genuine if he wasn’t equally invested.

Hi legs, hope you’ve had a lovely day in the sun 🌞

With divorce comes divorce settlement op. Can/will he want half the proceeds of the house? He could force you to sell...eventually. Is he contributing to the costs? Or the children?

I've been silently cheering you on but not commented for a while Legs, I just wanted to say how good it is to see how far you've come, and great that you've got some real life support.

I would say try and accept any invitations to meet up from those people offering them, they wouldn't ask if they didn't care about you and their support in the future could be invaluable. Even when you feel like saying no, try and say yes. It honestly helps,

Hope the certificate arrived today.

I would say you have some good advice and some food for thought here @MoreLegsThanMe.

1. Time to chase up the certificate. It’s overdue.
2. Ensure that you and the kids are are protected in your house, and he contributes to their upkeep.
3. Catch up with people who love you. You will find life so much better and lighter when you are not shouldering this all alone.

Thank you x

NO CERTIFICATE . The website just says due to be despatched 26th May. I don’t think I’ve ever stood and watched for the post like this. It’s driving me mad. I’ll try and speak to a real person there tomorrow.

Spoke again to my ex-workmate that I mentioned upthread. We are thinking of a walk and drink to catch up properly. I’m still not sure If thats allowed before 21st June though. The other work girls and I all need a night too at some point.

Feminem we each pay half the running costs of the house. His suggestion was that if the DC then “need” anything we then each pay half. Well of course they’ll need stuff you moron. Bollocks to that. He made various noises about DS needing a laptop but when it came to it I had to buy it. I refuse to go cap in hand to him for money, he’d probably say he didn’t have it. If she’s with him because she thinks he has cash then she’s stupider than I thought. He really doesn’t have any. What she does when that hits her properly will amuse me no end. Leave with any luck, unless she’s happy to keep him.

I have gardening and ironing tomorrow to keep me busy. I’m very pleased to have that all to do. No brooding.

The crows are outside shouting and fighting over a little bit of seeds I put out for the small birds. Cue for me to chase them away/bring it in.

x

Hello Legs, assuming you're in England you can now meet in groups of up to six individuals or two households outdoors and pretty sure the up to six thing applies indoors too. Including restaurants. So go for it.

Yes that’s absolutely allowed and will do you the world of good

Good morning MoreLegs

How very annoying about the delayed certificate. And just when you had psyched yourself up to set the divorce proceedings in train. Fingers crossed it turns up on Monday and you don't have to waste time chasing it by telephone.

But it is lovely to hear you sounding so upbeat, and wonderful news that you have told people in real life. As everyone else has said, you have nothing to be ashamed of - you did nothing to warrant his disgraceful behaviour. And, yes, do accept invitations to meet up now. You've had to endure so much while isolated because of lockdown. It will do you the world of good to get out and see some friendly faces.

I can understand the reluctance to go to him cap in hand for money but you really wouldn't be doing that by asking him to help provide for the two youngest DC. They are his children. He helped bring them into the world and he should damn well be helping to bring them up. He's abandoned all of his obligations to them so far. The very least he should be doing is meeting his financial responsibilities towards them.

I'm sure he'll whine he has no money but he has enough to fund his bolthole and, no doubt, spend on OW. Money that should be paying to help feed, clothe and provide school equipment and fares etc for the DC he claims to adore. What an utter deadbeat.

I hope you get plenty of gardening time today and not too much ironing.

I think all the seeds I put out for the birds are gobbled up by wood pigeons, magpies and grey squirrels - not the charming tiny birds like tits, robins and sparrows I was hoping to attract. When I think back to my childhood and remember how ubiquitous the house sparrow was, I am astounded at how rarely I see them now. I remember DD, aged about 9, asking me what the little brown bird hopping on the pavement was - she'd never seen one before.

Have a lovely day MoreLegs. You're marvellous.

@MoreLegsThanMe there's a tremendous backlog on certificates with lockdown. Hang in there I'm sure it will be here next week.

Been lurking for a while on your threads. Just wanted to say how amazingly you’re doing. I hope the certificate comes first thing Tuesday (I’d forgo my bank holiday if it meant it got to you quicker!)

You need to sort out child maintenance as soon as possible - your DC needs feeding, clothing etc.

Yep... time to hit them where it hurts. In the wallet.

@MoreLegsThanMe

Thank you x

NO CERTIFICATE . The website just says due to be despatched 26th May. I don’t think I’ve ever stood and watched for the post like this. It’s driving me mad. I’ll try and speak to a real person there tomorrow.

Spoke again to my ex-workmate that I mentioned upthread. We are thinking of a walk and drink to catch up properly. I’m still not sure If thats allowed before 21st June though. The other work girls and I all need a night too at some point.

Feminem we each pay half the running costs of the house. His suggestion was that if the DC then “need” anything we then each pay half. Well of course they’ll need stuff you moron. Bollocks to that. He made various noises about DS needing a laptop but when it came to it I had to buy it. I refuse to go cap in hand to him for money, he’d probably say he didn’t have it. If she’s with him because she thinks he has cash then she’s stupider than I thought. He really doesn’t have any. What she does when that hits her properly will amuse me no end. Leave with any luck, unless she’s happy to keep him.

I have gardening and ironing tomorrow to keep me busy. I’m very pleased to have that all to do. No brooding.

The crows are outside shouting and fighting over a little bit of seeds I put out for the small birds. Cue for me to chase them away/bring it in.

x

Does he own half the house then? He can force you to sell eventually if so. And take his half of the proceeds.

Thank you everyone.

Yes, the house is jointly-owned. It will be sold when DS is 18 and I’ll find somewhere smaller for just me. It’ll really be far too big for one person.

Again, no ironing today. Instead DDs3 and 4 and I went to [local beauty spot]*. The weather was glorious and and we all came back with sunburn (oops) and blisters...it was lovely though. As we were coming back we heard a woman saying she doesn’t like it during the afternoons because it gets too rowdy, as evidenced by total morons jumping into the river from great heights.

The visitor centre there is where DD3 is based a couple of times a week. She must have the loveliest commute ever.

It was too late to start ironing when we got home , so maybe tomorrow.

I’ve tried so hard not think of them the last few days but when I do it’s always about them in bed. Not necessarily about sex but more the intimacy, the holding. Does anyone get this??

It’s been a wobbly kind of day since we go back earlier? How many more of these do I have to have ...

x

• [Post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying info].