More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Ah MoreLegs it's not babyish to hesitate. You're saying goodbye to a relationship of many years' standing which produced your lovely DC and in which you invested so, so much time and effort to make it work.

But, as you say, is there a single good alternative?

The best is that you maintain the status quo and simply shut the door in his face when everything goes pear-shaped with OW. But that will take a lot of determination and for you to be truly indifferent to, or actively dislike him. I don't think that you're there yet. I think you still have affection for him, or rather the man he seemed to be, and you are a good, kind person. I think you'd find it hard to turn your back on a sobbing, repentant H because you are a good, kind person.

Issuing the petition draws a line in the sand. It will put matters in your hands. It will be a psychological no-going back.

Because I think you know allowing him to return would be the worst possible mistake you could make. He'll never change. He'll always put himself and his selfish wants first. You'd never have peace of mind with him. You'd never, ever be able to trust him again.

You've trodden such a hard, lonely path all these months with such courage and dignity. You've worked so hard to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, keep life normal and happy for your children and reach some sort of equilibrium for yourself. I fear not getting free of him might undo a lot of that work you put in. You could do it again - I think you would grit your teeth and force yourself to re-do all that work - but it would be hard and it would be painful. And you've been put through so much pain already.

I think @Billybagpuss' idea of doing it in little steps is a good one. So maybe pop the forms in an envelope and leave them by the front door to start with.

Take care of yourself MoreLegs. We'll be thinking of you and we're here to support you whatever you decide.

How would you feel if he beats you to it? Would you not feel bothered, or would you feel the last bit of control had been taken away? Would you feel relieved he had made the decision or regret you didn't take the initiative? So long as your decision is what feels right for you - that is the important thing

@Bjarnum

How would you feel if he beats you to it? Would you not feel bothered, or would you feel the last bit of control had been taken away? Would you feel relieved he had made the decision or regret you didn't take the initiative? So long as your decision is what feels right for you - that is the important thing

I think I asked this question waaayyy up thread(s) and legs said he can’t yet as he’s the guilty party and has no grounds for unreasonable behaviour. Unless binning his cookie counts.

I think I need to go cold water swimming with @AcrossthePond55 I bet you get straight in and I acclimatise slowly a toe at a time.

@Billybagpuss

Yes I certainly do! Take a deep breath and RUN & JUMP! I'll take that 20 seconds of breathlessness over 20 mins of waiting for each body part to warm up.

Each to his own taste though said the old woman as she kissed the cow.

[quote AcrossthePond55]@Billybagpuss

Yes I certainly do! Take a deep breath and RUN & JUMP! I'll take that 20 seconds of breathlessness over 20 mins of waiting for each body part to warm up.

Each to his own taste though said the old woman as she kissed the cow.[/quote]
Haha to be fair it only takes me 5 minutes, but it’s all good fun.

Just do it when you are ready Legs. It's obviously a difficult step. If it is any help, I had to do something difficult recently (not on the same scale as what you are facing) and I broke it down into steps and then made a decision to just separate my mind from the process of doing it. Not easy but it helped.
Like someone said, you are not on a schedule. You are certainly not babyish, it's grief, be compassionate towards yourself xx

When the time is right Legs, if the time is right you will know.

It's totally in your control.
Be kind to yourself.

xx

Please don’t judge or guilt yourself, there is no timescale to follow. Whenever you feel you can do it is the right time to do it. Most overused phrase on the planet, but be kind to yourself. You wouldn’t berate a friend acting as you are.
One of my patients said to me this week, that when she starts criticising herself, she thinks, “What would Twitchynose say to me?”. Perhaps you need to start saying to yourself, “What would my Mumsnet friends say to me?”. Sending hugs.

Thank you so much x

I’m 100% issuing tomorrow. Everyone will be out so if I get upset nobody will see.

@ByeByeMissAmericanPie I genuinely believe he wouldn’t issue. He has no grounds for a start. At the moment all he could use would be my adultery or my unreasonable behaviour. Mainly though, he wouldn’t have the balls to go and see a solicitor even for a bit of advice. Issuing the Petition costs £550.00 and he’s so tight there’s absolutely no way he’d pay that! I’m sure his plan will involve ringing me and asking what he needs to to.

I do feel a pang of sadness of sorts, imagining them picking the letters up from the doormat. A bit guilty almost. I have no idea why I do feel like this, but I do. @Perinono there’s bailiff service here too, but generally it’s done by post first and then if it’s ignored you can ask for bailiff service. I think your method is way better!

So tomorrow evening I’ll be able to update you all that it’s done….I have no idea what I’ll be feeling so brace yourselves my lovely army.

x

We'll be behind you cheering you on and holding your hand tomorrow. I hope that it gives you relief

You’ve got the Morelegs Army behind you if you feel wobbly… Well done!!!

Sending you these for tomorrow

Also sending for you Legs.

Stay strong, we are all holding your hand.

Sleep well.
xx

You’ve got this legs, and when it’s done have a little cry then go and have a walk around your garden 💐

I'll be thinking of you MoreLegs .

You've go this op

🤝

Sending best wishes Legs 💐

It took my 5 years to get to the point you're now at and I found it incredibly hard. It was like admitting defeat, I couldn't even manage a happy marriage.

Once I'd actually done it I felt empowered and felt I could do anything! I then decorated MY bedroom a colour he hated. Pathetic but made me smile.

Take care and don't be so hard on yourself

Hand hold from here

Cheering you on from afar Legs

We are all behind you 💐

Best wishes Legs. Everyone here has your back. X

Thinking of you today Legs, you're not alone we're here for as long as you need us x

Go for it Legs. We’re all behind you. ⭐️🌈