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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just left my husband and now he has emptied our bank account

203 replies

Imi9 · 30/04/2021 20:59

My husband was at times borderline abusive towards me and was beginning to be towards our 3 year old daughter. I managed to gain the courage to leave him on Wednesday and I now me and my children (3 year old daughter and 1 year old son) are at my parents house. He has now emptied our joint account. I've tried calling and texting him about it and he won't answer. I am just not sure at all what to do. All our money was in there. I'm just in shock he has done that. Also I just have no idea what to do with myself now, I am a SAHM and have no source of income. My parents said they can support us in the short term but I'm just screwed. I had no idea how to try and get this sorted before and was really scared then but now I am even more panicky. I know I need to get a solicator but I just have no idea what to expect or what will happen.

OP posts:
CrazyNeighbour · 30/04/2021 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thingsdogetbetter · 30/04/2021 21:10

Take parents' offer and give yourself breathing space. After panic has subsided check out benefits you are entitled to and legal entitlement to joint assessment. Contacy CMS ASAP. Ignore wanker ex attempts to freak you out until panic has subsided. Accept he is going to be a cunt about everything (you already know this - it's really not a shock, it's confirmation he is the bastard you feared he was).

itsme · 30/04/2021 21:12

I'm sorry you're going through this. First of all open a sole acct, and if able to, apply for benefits- with benefits (don't quote me) you could be able to pay them into another persons acct (such as your parents) there are some councils that may do an emergency fund which could help for now. Call women's aid for some advice- look at rights for women too. As for the solicitor you may be entitled to
Legal aid because of DA. I also would advise getting communication between you and him in written form (email, text, letters) rather than verbal incase you need to use it as evidence for anything.
Sorry it's not much help but I hope the little I can say helps in some way.

Aprilshowersandhail · 30/04/2021 21:13

See a solicitor and declare yourself separated and try and claim benefits online. . Contact cms.

minou123 · 30/04/2021 21:15

Try not to panic, I know that's easier said than done.

I presume you are going for a divorce? Try and get a bank statement to show the amount in the account just before he withdrew the money.

Divorce and Financial agreement is going to take a while to sort, so you need to sort your own money for the now:

  1. Open your own bank account
  2. Claim universal credit
  3. Put in a claim for child maintenance.

If you can do these 3 things tomorrow, this will be a great start.

Then sort out financial separation, solicitors etc over the next few months.

HollowTalk · 30/04/2021 21:16

What an awful man, to leave you without any way of feeding and taking care of your little girl. How much was in the account?

RandomMess · 30/04/2021 21:19

Get the bank account your child benefit is paid into changed immediately and put in a claim with CMS for maintenance.

You need a statement showing how much was in the account can you print off via on-line banking?

ZoeMaye · 30/04/2021 21:19

What a git! And on a bank holiday too! You have definitely made the right decision leaving that one he sounds like a bad egg. Your parents sound lovely and like they will look after you financially and emotionally until you get back on track. As a PP said 1. Bank account 2. Benefits 3. Child maintenance 4. Also make sure you are receiving the child benefits too.

Good luck and I hope you have such a better life now you are away from this nasty man

RosieLeaLovesTea · 30/04/2021 21:21

You can get free advice at CAB and a lot
Of solicitors give 30mins free advice.

You can put a claim in for universal credit ASAP and a claim for child maintenance.

Do you have any other joint or savings accounts?

If you were concerned about abusive behaviour that forced you to leave. You can get advice from local domestic violence support organisations - google and Independent domestic violence advocates because they may be able to assist in non molestation orders to get him out to allow you to move back in.

Good luck

Longdistance · 30/04/2021 21:25

He’s done that deliberately so you’d go running back to him Angry don’t, stand your ground.
Get onto entitled to on the government website and put in your claims as well as CMS. Open your own bank account and take your name taken off of the joint one.

MrsMoastyToasty · 30/04/2021 21:48

Open a bank account. Dint open one with your existing bank , make it totally separate.
Apply for benefits
If you're working speak to great and get your salary paid into the new account.
Check your credit report *he may have applied for credit fraudulently.

OverTheRubicon · 30/04/2021 21:51

Before you take your name off the joint one, print out (to pdf is fine) all the statements as proof. Good luck

Original poster
Imi9 · 30/04/2021 21:54

Thanks so much everyone
He cleared both current and savings accounts. There was almost £40k between them. I will open an account tomorrow and get universal credit, child maintenance and child benefits. And try to talk to a solicitor
I'm a SAHM so ig I will need to start working again
I am just really worried about everything. I have no job, no money, no house and am now a single parent and I have no idea where we will be in a months time. I just don't know what to expect long term. I am scared i won't be able to support my children. I never thought he would be mean to our children yet in the last few weeks he's been really horrible to our daughter and that's what really made me leave and realise how bad he was and I don't want him to see either of our children and tbh that scares me the most how little he seems to care about them

OP posts:
getyourfreakon · 30/04/2021 21:54

Contact the bank ASAP. Sign up for the benefits you're entitled to as a single parent with a very young child. I've been in this situation, I called the bank in a panic. Explained I had no income and the lovely man I spoke to reversed all previous bank charges on the joint account which totalled an instant £300. Also put in a case with CMS as soon as possible.

getyourfreakon · 30/04/2021 21:55

Also the bank will close the joint and change it to your name only.

category12 · 30/04/2021 21:56

Put a freeze on the accounts so he can't create overdrafts.

Miasicarisatia · 30/04/2021 21:58

I would tell the bank that the relationship has broken down and the accounts need to be frozen

Miasicarisatia · 30/04/2021 21:59

And as always keep a careful record of everything that happens you will need to build a case against this man

JackieTheFart · 30/04/2021 21:59

Yes OP call the bank now - they need to freeze the accounts immediately.

Arbadacarba · 30/04/2021 22:02

Freeze the accounts and make sure you get statements showing the withdrawals. Your bank will help if you call them.

CoffeeRunner · 30/04/2021 22:04

What an absolute asshole to take away your only means to supporting your two young children.

I would see a Solicitor as soon as possible. Thank god you have parents to help in the short term.

DeRigueurMortis · 30/04/2021 22:08

As well as contacting the bank to freeze accounts make sure you document the withdrawal of assets by downloading a statement.

I'm assuming you have online banking so you need to do this before he could change the password and lock you out of the accounts.

He thinks he's done a smart move but courts deeply disprove of this type of behaviour and take it into account when dividing marital assets for a financial settlement where one party can't be trusted not to be financially abusive and thus load the settlement in favour of the other party.

So please get bank statements to prove what he's done.

Miasicarisatia · 30/04/2021 22:17

I've tried calling and texting him about it and he won't answer
I think dont do any more of that
maybe best to not contact him at all, if he contacts you reply by e-mail, be civil but concise and business like.
This man has gone straight to playing dirty so he's not very in control of himself, doesnt have a strategy, he's acting out of rage b/c he wants to punish you for daring to go against him.
Very upsetting about the money but actually he's shot himself in the foot and this will be used against him.
He will do everything he can to shit you up, throw you off balance and try to control or determine your next move so that he can counter it. Dont give him any information about how you are or what you're going to do

colette1970 · 30/04/2021 22:22

Contact bank to freeze accounts so can’t go over drawn , apply online for UC etc will need a bank account for this but in the mean time would be able to use parents bank account if can’t open one yourself straight away,change child benefit to different account apply for cms,photo copy all evidence that he has withdrawn money has it shown where the money has gone separate account you nothing about statement should show where money been transferred to , hope your holding up ok .

Original poster
Imi9 · 30/04/2021 22:30

Thanks, ok I have a bank statement printed and I phoned them and they've frozen the account but I don't think he is going to take anymore out as he has already taken everything.
Another is i don't know what or how to tell my daughter. She seems happy we are at Grandma and Grandpa's house but I haven't told her anything really and just don't know how to tell her. My son is 1 so he won't understand anything but my daughter was very shaken about him shouting at her and I think she has some idea that us leaving has something to do with that

OP posts: