I just left my husband and now he has emptied our bank account

[Imi9]

My husband was at times borderline abusive towards me and was beginning to be towards our 3 year old daughter. I managed to gain the courage to leave him on Wednesday and I now me and my children (3 year old daughter and 1 year old son) are at my parents house. He has now emptied our joint account. I've tried calling and texting him about it and he won't answer. I am just not sure at all what to do. All our money was in there. I'm just in shock he has done that. Also I just have no idea what to do with myself now, I am a SAHM and have no source of income. My parents said they can support us in the short term but I'm just screwed. I had no idea how to try and get this sorted before and was really scared then but now I am even more panicky. I know I need to get a solicator but I just have no idea what to expect or what will happen.

Sounds like he was more jailer than partner.
Don't beat yourself up about it, you've made the right decision now and that's what counts. Make sure to tell your little girl how loved she is. Tey and make the next few weeks fun for her rather than stressful. And be kind to yourself too.

This is awful for you now but he has actually not helped himself. You have done really well to retain a copy of the statement for all to see that he cleared the joint account, leaving you and his three year old without means of support.

It immediately informs solicitors/ mediators/ judges that they are dealing with an untrustworthy and financially abusive man.
Your solicitor will shake her head.

Isn't financial abuse a criminal offense these days? Frankly I'd go to the police. They would arrest him. That'd give him something to think about. What a bastard.

Yes I would go to the police

And the house is a joint asset as you are married. Get legal advice on TUesday but you have made good progress

@AmandaHoldensLips

Isn't financial abuse a criminal offense these days? Frankly I'd go to the police. They would arrest him. That'd give him something to think about. What a bastard.

A quick google returned this:

Financial abuse is a form of domestic abuse. It is a crime and should be reported to the police.

I'd be straight on to the Police and frighten the shit out of him.

@Wanderlusto

Well done on getting your daughter away from that horrible bully op, you have done the right thing. And his psycho behaviour now he has lost his power over you just goes to show it.

But if you have evidince of abuse towards your child, please let the police know. Or make a point of discussing the bullying treatment with your solicitor so that they can say 'yes, she told me that was why she left' at divorce hearings ect... cover your bases.

It is likely he will threaten to try to take your kids (it's just an empty threat of course but you need to start preparing for him to have supervised access rights only, ideally). His sort always make that threat.

I would tell your daughter that daddy was mean to mummy and her and her brother (don't make it 'her fault) 'and so we left, because women should live in safe, happy homes and never put up with bullies'.

Dont worry too much about money, cms, jsa ect...should all add up and be plenty when you're staying with the parents. Plus you'll get something in the divorce likely.

He may have 40k...for now. But you have your freedom and your children's safety. And that is priceless.

I recommend learning about narcissists (npd) and narcissistic hoovering (the things they do to try get you to come back). As I think he will take this route. Melanie tonia Evan's is great on YouTube. She does a vid about 9 types of hoovering his sort might use.

Thanks I don't think I have any concrete evidence for abuse. It was mostly verbal and emotional. Thank you. I had a good conversation with my daughter now and she seems to understand much better than I thought and doesn't seem too upset about it. Ok I will have a look at her stuff, I think that will be useful as I am very worried about how this is going to end up and how it'll all be in the future

Contact the bank too,. My ex did this with my wages and the bank could confirm it was withdrawn on his card. Get them to put it in writing so you have the information incase you need it later.

I wouldn't be frightening the shit out of him now, if you do that he will up his game, this will consist of frightening the shit out of OP big time
Let him think it's going to be easy to get what he wants, don't make any noise or any sudden movements get everything sewn up in the background

What a cunt

@Imi9

Thanks so much everyone He cleared both current and savings accounts. There was almost £40k between them. I will open an account tomorrow and get universal credit, child maintenance and child benefits. And try to talk to a solicitor I'm a SAHM so ig I will need to start working again I am just really worried about everything. I have no job, no money, no house and am now a single parent and I have no idea where we will be in a months time. I just don't know what to expect long term. I am scared i won't be able to support my children. I never thought he would be mean to our children yet in the last few weeks he's been really horrible to our daughter and that's what really made me leave and realise how bad he was and I don't want him to see either of our children and tbh that scares me the most how little he seems to care about them

Contact the banks. Get copies of the statements showing the balances before he emptied the accounts. Get legal advice.

Be thankful you've left and that he's shown who he is. This is not a good look for him as you go down the road to divorce him, it's financial abuse and theft, frankly, and no judge will be impressed with the state he left you and his small child in financially.

Good luck, OP. You've done the right thing. And now he's proven it to you again.

tbh don't really want him to be arrested even if he could be. I know this isn't going to be resolved amicably but I do want the best for him in the future and I don't want him to be even angrier. Also I know this makes me sound really bad but if he loses his job it'll mean that we end up without child maintenance

Your bank may be able to do you a personal account today online. I was able to do an account for my teenager on a Saturday evening with a video call.

The money he has taken from the joint accounts is still joint money. You'll still get at least half, possibly more as he is a higher earner. You've got the texts as proof of when you left him. Once you engage solicitors, his solicitor will tell him that he needs to put that money back and sort out a financial settlement because if this ends up in court with a judge deciding, he is going to look really really bad for emptying the joint accounts as soon as you split.

It doesnt help you right now, but you will get your share of the house and savings.

@category12

Put a freeze on the accounts so he can't create overdrafts.

This. Contact your bank immediately and ask for advice.

@Quartz2208

Yes I would go to the police

And the house is a joint asset as you are married. Get legal advice on TUesday but you have made good progress

When you get legal advice, ask how to register your claim against the property. This means he can't sell it unless you were in agreement or he had a court order to do so.

Ok I talked to his mum. Apparently he hasn't even spoken to her about this and this was the first she's heard about it. She didn't really say anything at all really just said she wanted 'to hear what he says first before making a judgement'

Sadly you have to assume that his parents will take his side, don’t count on them for anything.

You are one of the “lucky” ones, you are married and regardless of whether he owns the house of not, you have a claim on it as a marital asset.

He has trained you not to upset him, that’s why you are concerned bout not doing anything that might provoke his wrath. You’ve taken the first and biggest step, but from now on consider everything you do as for your children’s benefit, their feelings come first - not his.

Be fully prepared for his parents to side with him, and agree that the money and house are all his. No matter how unreasonable or awful he is, they may side with him.

When I left my ex, he refused to see the children. He either had all of us or he was walking out of their lives (trying to control me to going back to him). I didnt go back. He told his parents that they could either see him or their grandchildren, but not both. They picked him.

I got the occasionally email from them going on about how sad they were, I'd emailed back with times they could visit, they would decline because it would upset him.

They may be lovely, they may stay neutral but be ready for the worst.

Well done OP for leaving and for starting the ball rolling with all the advice you've had here. I would not contact him or answer any messages from him or his mother until you have your ducks in a row now. You've done what you can until Tuesday so try and step back and breathe for the weekend and look after yourself.

@Imi9 you are pretty much were I was 6 months ago after fleeing my emotionally abusive, coercive and controlling husband. He emptied the bank accounts too. He also found out where I was and covertly came and took my car away with the spare key, blocking it in back at the family home with his car. He also made it difficult for me to get our belongings out of the house.

I won't sugar coat it, it's nasty and still is, but he has broken the law. I, like you didn't wish for him to be arrested because he would loose his job. I did report it all to the police though. Please do this, so it's noted, as he may well get worse. He wants a reaction, he wants to control you still, he may up the anty. I hope he doesn't but start the paper trail now. It's good you've got bank statements printed. If he does contact you keep records of it.

The police can also signpost you to help, such as victim support and woman's aid, even if you don't press charges, they in turn can help you apply for benefits while you get sorted and offer lots of support and practical advice.

I didn't fully grasp the emormity or seriousness of what he was doing to me and my child until I was away and started telling people. You will be in survival mode, specially whilst trying to protect small children. There is probably more that you have buried.

You will be OK, you will be able to claim UC, child benefit and your 3 year old will be entitled to free preschool hours. I'm back at work now and although it's been hard it's 100 times better than living with someone abusive.

You've done the hardest bit by leaving, it's a long slog now to organise everything but I promise it'll be worth it for you and your children.

Please. Her son has left you and his own child in desperate financial straits due to his own behaviour.

She doesn't care; she's picking him. Not being a great grandparent for your child, is she. Remember that going ahead when she wants to 'be involved'.

Stay strong, OP.

You will have your day in court.
My ex drained our account by spending unreal amounts on kitchen equipment, and furniture he even lent his son £10, 000 for a car (allegedly).
I got the account froze and when it went to court the judge was fuming..he told him he had got rid of money to stop me getting any on purpose..and I walked away with the policies, our static caravan and a cash settlement.😊😊

He's behaving very badly, and this won't reflect well on him in the long run.

I wouldn't react too much this weekend, he's trying to provoke you and it's best to act when you've had time to think things through and get proper legal advice.

You're safe, and right now, nothing else matters

I don’t think the police will be interested in the money side, the OP had access to joint money until she left si no financial abuse it would seem. If it’s his salary only in the acc then it’s his money until the divorce settlement is agreed. It’s a relatively short marriage so no guarantee of 50/50.

He need to pay child support but doesn’t need a joint account to do that and I would freeze it like others said so it can’t go into overdraft.

You cannot have someone arrested for taking their own money out of their account 🙄 "Joint" means just that, both parties have equal rights to do what they want with the contents of the account. That's what you sign up for when you open it!

That said, of course the joint accounts are an asset to be divided between the two parties when divorcing. So OP it's likely that more than 50% of that money will eventually make its way back to you - it could be considerably more if he is going to do minimum parenting. As a PP said, he's done himself no favours here as it will be looked at very badly by legal professionals that he's potentially left you and his children without food or housing.

I do not like the sounds of this man at all and I'm glad you and your DC are safe. If he turns up shouting the odds at your parents, will they be resolute enough to keep the door shut and call the police if he doesn't go?