Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

It would be nice to be invited yes of course! Have you asked if you could go? Just straight out?

Is your relationship dead? I’d be annoyed.

Are you in a support bubble with your partner? If you're not, then he literally can't invite you! (Though clearly this wasn't an excuse in other years, but he may have assumed you preferred going to your parents).

His family might be worried about covid as well. It's really not your partner's place to invite anyone over to his mother's house unless she approves it.

Are they seeing family on other days though? Adding you might burst their household bubble limit.

Sorry I should of said, we are in a support bubble (although I think we're all allowed at Xmas)

Are his sister and mum in different bubbles? (I'm thinking about the 3 household rule)

Tbh I'm surprised that your partner would be ok leaving you alone.

His family aren't worried about COVID - I do things for his Mum at hers all the time!

If you don't live together then surely you count as two households? And there are already three going there on Christmas Day, it looks like.

But yes, I would expect at least a conversation about the situation and plans made for a nice time later in the day together, or whatever!

He has been staying with his Mum for the last few months so they are classed as one bubble

Have you not just asked him why you aren't invited?

You’re not wrong at all. I would have thought as soon as your partner knew your situation he’d have fairly quickly included you in his Christmas arrangements. Here’s hoping it occurs to him!

It sounds a little odd that you don't spend Christmas together after 3 years, I can understand being apart for the first Christmas as you wouldn't have been together that long.

If he's happy for you to be alone at Christmas and doesn't even think to invite you to spend it with him then I think that says it all. I'd be really hurt if that was me.

Hope you're ok

I'd be cutting back what I do for his family the rest of the year!

Will you be with your kids or is it literally just you?

@Gettingthereslowly2020 He has said that he will never not spend Xmas with his Mum. He won't agree to alternate each year between his Mum and my parents.

Where will your children be on Christmas Day?

My children will be at their Dads for Xmas.

What’s he expecting you to do then? Have you discussed the fact that you’ll be on your own with him at all?

If you go to the his then his sister and her partner wouldn't also be able to go to his parents and then there's also the added issues with the kids going between. This year isn't as straight forward as others.

@missbipolar Between me, my DP, his Mum and his sister/partner there are only 3 households.

@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are.

Yes but then his sister and her partner can't go his parents if they've got no one else visiting because you+partner+mum would be the bubble

@missbipolar

Yes but then his sister and her partner can't go his parents if they've got no one else visiting because you+partner+mum would be the bubble

OP has said that her DP lives with his DM so they are one household, his Dsis and family are a second household which leaves OP to join them as the third household. All perfectly correct. If she was invited.

@missbipolar You're allowed 3 households to join together over Xmas, and between us it would be 3