Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

What do you get out of this relationship?

What's the gift that you've bought for him?

The sister's partner's parents haven't been mentioned. If they haven't been invited to the family Christmas then they can't see them regardless as you can only have one Christmas group

@CodenameVillanelle They don't have to be invited to be part of the bubble. If a couple seen his parents and her parents over Christmas then they'd have to be a bubble of three, even if the two sets of parents weren't together at the same time.

@grassisjeweled Let's just say it was expensive and difficult to get...

But what is the reason he is giving for not wanting you there for the day?????

Although his sister did contribute to his present

I'd enjoy Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the future without him.

Nobody deserves this kind of relationship OP.

@Chamomileteaplease He hasn't given me a reason. To be honest it kind of comes across like it's not his problem really

@LizzyELane seriously, the last 10 years? Why are you still putting up with that?

And @drinkribeina just no! Your partner is fine with leaving on your own and he will NEVER not spend it without his mum? Is this really the kind of relationship you want?

Yeah this relationship would be over for me.

Your 'D'P sounds like an arse. Bin him off, return the Christmas present and spend the money on something nice for yourself instead.

He won’t discuss anything that he doesn’t want to talk about? That’s because you are his property, he is the controller and you are not allowed to think for yourself and definitely not allowed to speak.

Tell him to jog on.

Is it something you can keep & use/would want to keep & use?

If so I’d return his sister’s contribution, keep the gift & pack up any of his stuff that happens to be at yours.

Just ask him why he hasn’t invited you...

[quote drinkribeina]@youvegottenminuteslynn I did just try talking to him about it but if it's something he doesn't want to discuss then he simply won't. It's hard work. [/quote]
“it’s hard work”

Is the hard work having the conversation, or arranging you to be there on Christmas Day?

It is very bizarre, as you’re not a new partner, and you know his mum.

I guess he doesn’t want to leave his mum on her own on Christmas.

Could you cook dinner and invite his mum to yours?

Just a thought, is he expecting ex to turn up on Christmas Day, or even be there for Christmas meal, and so wants you out the way? (Long shot thought)

Do you get excluded from other things?

So you've obviously bought him something stupidly expensive like the new xbox or playstation. And you are not required for Christmas day, just the bit where he gets his present? Is this why you've been invited for Christmas Eve?
I think perhaps you need a bit of self respect here. Give the sister her money back, return the gift. And value yourself a bit more, aren't you worth more than a selfish boyfriend who doesn't give a fuck you're alone for Christmas day?

@Plumplumbadum

So you've obviously bought him something stupidly expensive like the new xbox or playstation. And you are not required for Christmas day, just the bit where he gets his present? Is this why you've been invited for Christmas Eve? I think perhaps you need a bit of self respect here. Give the sister her money back, return the gift. And value yourself a bit more, aren't you worth more than a selfish boyfriend who doesn't give a fuck you're alone for Christmas day?

Yes, this!

OP - do you want to be with someone you can't have perfectly reasonable conversations with? With someone who doesn't want to talk to you about things that have upset you?

That's not a healthy dynamic for you to be in or to be showing your kids as an example of a relationship. All kinds of unhealthy.

It's been three years, it shouldn't be this hard - sounds like it's run it's course.

#underneaththeash. My partner of 10.5 years is definitely not my 'boyfriend' and neither should the OPs DP be considered as such after 3 years. My DP is practically my kid's step dad, just because we own separate houses to reduce upset and stress for our kids who may or may not be happy at having a step parent move in, does NOT mean we are boyfriend/girlfriend, and many couples who are in committed relationships have separate homes.

Yrnbu its thoughtless of him not be invite u to his for xmas. If he thinks anything of you at all he’d want to spend the day with you. I wonder if hes like that in other areas of your relationship

Ah it's a ps5 isn't it?

Do you really think his mum (who you do a lot and get in well with) will be happy to have you stay over on Christmas Eve and then watch her son hurry you out the door on Christmas Day before the festivities begin?

If it's a PS5 dump him and flog it.
Seriously don't stay. He's telling you how important you are to him.

Partner is shortened/indicative of the fact you are in a partnership. Nothing about this situation says partnership. I think perhaps you are right and his mum doesn't know
you are alone, but you shouldn't accept an invite because she finds out-because the bottom line is the partner doesn't want you there. Unless you think he could be covering for his sister? Could she have a problem with you?

I'd not make rash decisions but look at other areas closely now you have this alarm bell. Are you his priority, does he put you first, is he thoughtful and kind elsewhere. Or could it be you are very convenient?

He will never not go to his mums? What if you have your own children and it's easier/more/comfortable to say at home?
This would put me right off. Mummy's boys are a nightmare to be in a relationship with trust me

@underneaththeash you do not need to live together to consider someone a partner. There are many reasons why long-term couples do not live together, I think this has really been shown during the last few months.
Having said that, he is not treating you like a partner. After three years, I would expect him to consider you on Christmas Day, especially if he knows you will be alone. My own partner will be coming round to my family home on Christmas Day, for a drink if not for the meal. He hinted strongly that he would prefer it to spending Christmas with his family .