Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not invited to Parter's Christmas

436 replies

drinkribeina · 27/11/2020 18:18

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

OP posts:
chestnutshell · 27/11/2020 19:32

This is so weird of him.

If you do sleep over Xmas eve, his mum is going to be mortified when you leave Xmas morning to go and spend the day alone.

What actually happens when you say “can I spend the day with you and your family on Xmas day?”

sandragreen · 27/11/2020 19:34

[quote drinkribeina]@Gettingthereslowly2020 He has said that he will never not spend Xmas with his Mum. He won't agree to alternate each year between his Mum and my parents. [/quote]
Dump him.

Marmozet · 27/11/2020 19:34

Sounds like he still breast feeds from his mum.

Onthedunes · 27/11/2020 19:34

Where did he live before he moved in with his mother?

TillyTopper · 27/11/2020 19:37

I'm really sorry, but I don't think he is after a mutual, equal and loving relationship. He seems to be using you if I'm honest. To not invite you to his family, when you know them, seems more than strange. Perhaps it would be good to consider your options, to really have an honest think about whether you are more into him than he is into you.

underneaththeash · 27/11/2020 19:37

He’s not your partner though - you don’t live together.
I wouldn’t expect a boyfriend to invite me for Christmas with his parents.
My own mum is very wary as her partner (they live together) is vulnerable. She’s only seeing us and my brother at Christmas.

CodenameVillanelle · 27/11/2020 19:39

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

Are you just deliberately ignoring the point im trying to make 😂😂 yes between you it would be 3. But you can't switch bubbles so just because you make 3 it ignores the fact the sister has a partner who probably has parents

Op is one household. Partner and his mum are one household. Sister and partner are one household. That makes 3.

Yes but then the sister and her partner can't see his/her parents (if they want to) and, more importantly for OP she also can't see anyone else as her "3 family allowance" is used up.

The sister's partner's parents haven't been mentioned. If they haven't been invited to the family Christmas then they can't see them regardless as you can only have one Christmas group
pompey38 · 27/11/2020 19:40

“drinkribeina
@AcornAutumn I haven't given him an answer about Xmas Eve yet!”- and what exactly are you waiting for ? have you not been insulted enough already ?? I kind of see why he’s doing that with you , sorry , but anyone with a strong pair of balls would tell him exactly what to do and where to go about 2 minutes after receiving the xmas eve invite

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/11/2020 19:41

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
So - he knows you will be alone at Christmas. He thinks you should give him a booty call on Christmas Eve then fuck off in the morning because he wants to spend hi time with Mummy.

FFS. Could he be any louder or clearer on what you mean to him? You DO know hat to do about this. Dump, dump, dump.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2020 19:43

I've already bought him his Xmas present

Because you've already bought him a present you're just going to put up with this shit? Really?

Marmozet · 27/11/2020 19:45

@Aquamarine1029

I've already bought him his Xmas present

Because you've already bought him a present you're just going to put up with this shit? Really?

🙌🏻
NewlyGranny · 27/11/2020 19:45

You are much too low on his list of priorities, but I think you know that.

Does he seriously expect a Xmas Eve sleepover - with or without benefits - and then to tell you to pop off before breakfast, or even after?

I'd ask him how he sees that playing out, then laugh in his face and tell him you'd rather not go at all.

And do stop doing things for his mother. She has two adult children for that.

Onthedunes · 27/11/2020 19:45

All we can do is presume with this post.

Clearly it's a shitty thing to do unless....

You have been together 3 years but he had not fully separated from his wife. I would have imagined if he had his own home, unless he's got financial problems, why is he staying at his mothers.

His mother may know the grandchildren may turn up or be invited and they don't know you too well.
The ex wife may drop kids off and don't want any trouble?

Who knows but if it's exactly as you say, dump him and find someone who makes you a priority.
Three years is a long time not to expect to come first.

Original poster
drinkribeina · 27/11/2020 19:46

I'll try and answer all the questions in one post.

He had a house with his ex, they split and he rented, that house got sold a few months back so he moved in with his Mum temporarily.

Yes he does get fed at mine. Doesn't contribute much. I don't do his washing.

He has one DC, they're not likely to be there on Xmas Day but that could change as him and his ex are very last minute so she may say he can have them the day before!

OP posts:
OldWomanSaysThis · 27/11/2020 19:47

Yikes! He's using you and controlling you to meet his own needs and his own needs only.

shiningstar2 · 27/11/2020 19:48

If you see his mum frequently and you get on well, why not mention to her that you will be alone on Christmas day? Maybe she will then invite you. If she does, I can't see why your partner should object ...if you are partners. If he does object that may well be something for you to think about op. If he hasn't liked to ask his mum to add you in...ok Confused but if you hint and she is quite happy to invite you, and he still doesn't want you to come, it would, to me, seem that he is not viewing the relationship as seriously as you. Especially as your children are going to their dad's. so it's not as thought you coming would be adding a few more people and changing the dynamics of the day. If you are a serious couple, I would say that just adding you on your own isn't altering the Christmas dynanics that much so if you get the go ahead from his mum and he still doesn't want to, he may not be as committed to the relationship as you are.
On the other hand, If you hint to his mum and she doesn't seem keen on the idea of you coming, you may have a different problem. Good luck op. Flowers

Rainbowqueeen · 27/11/2020 19:49

Take the present back or donate it to someone in need
Dump him. Most adults who prioritise their relationships understand that you move on from spending every Xmas with your family of origin. You deserve a partner who prioritises you

SleepingStandingUp · 27/11/2020 19:51

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
Ouch.

Sorry OP but i would be questioning our future at that point. Did you just tell him you didn't want to be alone, or that you wanted to spend it with him?

buckeejit · 27/11/2020 19:52

LTB, make life easier.

You could still invite his mum to yours for Christmas and leave him home alone.

LizzyELane · 27/11/2020 19:54

My DP, who like you I don't live with, will be eating Xmas dinner with his ex-wife and three grown up kids for the tenth year running. I won't be going to my parents as usual as they are ultra cautious. I dislike the situation massively as I'd just like DP to share my Xmas dinner, not hers, for once. But the situation is not quite like the OPs as I will have my DD13 at home with me, plus two grown up DS visiting. OP your DP even considering leaving you completely alone on Xmas Day is a total disgrace, I wouldn't be wasting any more time, or any more of my life, with somebody like that. I know if I was completely on my own without any of the kids, DP would change his plans to at least spend the majority of Xmas with me, even if he had to visit the other family for part of the day.

WithLotsOfSprinkles0 · 27/11/2020 19:56

I think you need to give your head a wobble, pick your self esteem up off the floor, stop being desperate and dump this absolute cock of a man.

Your on your own on Christmas day and he wont offer you to come nor give you a reason or even talk about it.

I'd rather be alone than put up with someone who clearly does not give a single flying fuck about me.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/11/2020 19:57

If I was his DM (and you get on really well) I would be horrified if my son turfed his partner out of the house before Xmas dinner

hobbyiscodefordogging · 27/11/2020 20:00

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
What an arsehole! And then it gets worse... he expects you to stay over Xmas Eve and then be gone in the morning, and he won't come to spend the day with you because he'll "never spend it not with his mum".

I couldn't be with such an arsehole and I couldn't be with such a mummy's boy and here you are putting up with both rolled into one man. Jeez. At least you're not living together so it makes it a bit easier to ditch the twat.

Isthisit22 · 27/11/2020 20:01

You deserve better than someone who you describe as selfish and who doesn't even want to spend Christmas day with you 💐

GabsAlot · 27/11/2020 20:02

Well doesnt he sound lovely-you can stay xmas eve then fuck off home and try and find a friend to have dinner with

regardless if his mum feels bad and invites you hes the one who is meant to be your partner and he didnt invite you

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread