Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

Is he usually like this? There’s no way my partner would even consider not inviting me for Christmas if we didn’t live together. I can’t believe your partner would be so thoughtless and uncaring to leave you in that position

Have you asked him why you are not invited? If you are just not invited with no explanation I would be reluctant to carry on with the relationship or running around after his mum.

Are you just deliberately ignoring the point im trying to make 😂😂 yes between you it would be 3. But you can't switch bubbles so just because you make 3 it ignores the fact the sister has a partner who probably has parents

As he will always spend Christmas with his mum and never with anyone else’s house, have a relaxing day for yourself.

Do whatever food you want, get up late if you like, spend hours in a bubble bath, go for a walk, sit in your PJs, etc.

Stop doing things for his mum, he can do that.

Don’t have a child with him. He has told you that what he wants is the only thing that’s important. He will leave you and a baby/toddler/young child behind when he trots off for Christmas at his mum’s.

The world revolves around him. In your shoes I would think hard about spending 20/40 years in this relationship.

I couldn't get past that if I'm honest.

Would you do it to him? No I guess in that why your so hurt.

I'd be re evaluating this relationship if he wasn't forthcoming with an invite.

Maybe just maybe he hasn't realised? This is a long shot.

But this is not ok on his part.

Well is oblivious covid support bubbles is the last thing in his mind if he suggested to go to your friend, simply: he doesn’t want you there. Take time for yourself over Christmas and seriously considering LTB , new year , new you 👍

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
I’d be giving the relationship a serious rethink.

@PeppaPigMakesMeGrrrrr

I'd be cutting back what I do for his family the rest of the year!

This with bells on!

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner

Really? Seems he’s got you jumping around to be with him! Stop doing things for his family. You are being taken for granted. It’s a huge snub. Just back off. Don’t answer him about Xmas eve. Organise other things. I think you need to not make this man a priority as he clearly doesn’t feel the same about you. Wants his Xmas eve shag though? I guess now you’re seeing why his ex dumped him!

Not sure why everyone is flapping about households and bubbles. The point is, OP, that your DP is quite happy for you to be alone at Christmas. In my view he sounds selfish and is putting himself first. Its not like his DM would be on her own if he spent the day with you. Or, like you say, why are you not invited to go with him? I think I would be scrutinizing the relationship in the new year. What is he like in general?

He cannot be serious?! Are you allowed to breakfast with them in the morning?? Or just wake up and pootle off home to spend the day alone?

I’d be seriously rethinking this relationship

He's a twat

Honestly talk to him... why the reticence with a partner? If he doesn’t want you there then the relationship is done IMO. If he’s being thoughtless that’s another story. He may just have got used to you doing something else so that’s the way it is... if you don’t ask then you’ll never know

I think thats really shitty of him. Would put me right off to be honest. In a relationship you should have each others back and he has shown himself very self centred.

Stop doing stuff for him mum and have a good think if this is what you want come new year.

Then have a serious conversation with him.

You want me to stay on Christmas Eve, then go home alone to an empty house on Christmas Day? Is that right?

Then leave space, don’t fill the silence for him.

@FunTimes2020 He's not unkind at all, but he is pretty selfish normally, yes.

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
Oh fuck this.

You know what I would enjoy a Christmas day without him if he doesn't want you there.

3 years together!

Find a friend get together house, get drunk, remove yourself from this drama. Have fun.

Leave him to it.

Wow OP, your DP doesn't seem to like you very much.

It's very sad that he'd happily see you spend the day on your own - especially kicking you out on Christmas morning! What would his mum say to that?

Regardless of what he thinks now, what do you think? I really wouldn't see a future with someone who cared so little for me.

@drinkribeina

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner

cross posted, thats so dissrespectful I wouldn't be waiting to new year to rethink!

If he’s selfish then sometimes he is unkind.
He wants Christmas Eve sex but doesn’t want to spend Christmas Day with you.
That would be a f##k off from me.

Sorry why are you second guessing what's acceptable and ruminating over his plans - just ask him! He's your partner!

He's not unkind at all, but he is pretty selfish normally, yes.

Being selfish is being unkind. Obviously. I wonder why you've wasted 3 years with this twat.

@drinkribeina

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner

Yep this has made me re think my answer.

Fuck him. He's let you leave to go home to an empty house after you have stayed Christmas Eve. Whatever Covid risk there was has happened already.

No.

Don't go xmas Eve. Pamper yourself, relax, chill.

He is a dick.

I wouldn't do this to someone I wasn't keen on let alone my partner.

I'm sorry your partner is a selfish arsehole. You can do better. His family knowing this are also at fault.

What sort of things do you do for his mum?