Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

[quote drinkribeina]@youvegottenminuteslynn I did just try talking to him about it but if it's something he doesn't want to discuss then he simply won't. It's hard work. [/quote]
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is so selfish they won't talk to you about things that upset you?

It's not normal behaviour for an adult and you don't have to put up with it. You sound resigned to not being able to have a proper conversation with your long term Partner?

I think that's a bigger issue than this particular Christmas

Oh for goodness sake, it just gets worse! He wants you to have a little sleepover at his mummy's house but wants you gone before Christmas dinner?

Get rid! Dump him now, life's too short. Like pp said, you're not a priority to him. If you're not a priority to him after 3 years then you never will be.

Stay single until you find a decent man that appreciates you. No decent man would leave his partner alone on Christmas day.

Are you just deliberately ignoring the point im trying to make 😂😂 yes between you it would be 3. But you can't switch bubbles so just because you make 3 it ignores the fact the sister has a partner who probably has parents

Op is one household. Partner and his mum are one household. Sister and partner are one household. That makes 3.

Yes but then the sister and her partner can't see his/her parents (if they want to) and, more importantly for OP she also can't see anyone else as her "3 family allowance" is used up.

Him saying he will never spend Christmas Day away from his Mother is a red flag to start with, then to consider, even for a moment , leaving you on your own Christmas Day is the clincher. He just doesn’t care.

That is seriously weird and quite nasty OP. Does he want his mammy all to himself on Christmas day? It's absurd he expects you to stay over then go home to be all by yourself. This would be breaking point for me. He's horrible.

This is beyond weird. What words did he use to inform you that he wanted you to stay over at his mums then leave in the morning? I can't picture how these conversations have gone at all.

@RedskyAtnight

Are you in a support bubble with your partner? If you're not, then he literally can't invite you! (Though clearly this wasn't an excuse in other years, but he may have assumed you preferred going to your parents).

That.

The reality is he should want you to be there. He doesn't. nor does he care that you'll be on your own. I'd be seriously rethinking this relationship.

He sounds mean. Next time he wants to pop over for a booty call tell him you're busy with your best friend forever...and he can eff off.

As awful as it is to say, his family aren't overly concerned about things like support bubbles.

I'm sure if you have a go at him and explain you're on your own to his mum, they might reluctantly allow you to stay for Christmas dinner.

I'd rather be alone than be someone's after thought. Again, like pp have said, your issue is bigger than Christmas. He sounds like a selfish mummy's boy that doesn't care about you. If I've got that wrong, I apologise. I can only comment based on what you have shared so far.

Why do you want to be with a selfish man?

I’d be re-thinking the relationship.

He spends a lot of time at my house, spending time with my DC etc. But ultimately he is pretty damn selfish!

Ditch him now you won’t have to worry about buying a Xmas present 🤣

He’s not worth it. Honestly, not worth it at all.

It's a deal breaker surely!!

Ditch him after he gives you your presents and before you give him any!

New Year, new start, on ward and up ward OP!

I've already bought him his Xmas present

I can understand wanting to spend Christmas with your mum, especially if that's what you're used to, so I do get why he has chosen that over just the two of you at yours. However it doesn't make sense that he hasn't invited you to his mums. I wouldn't be okay with that, unless there was a genuinely valid reason (doesn't look like it in this scenario) I'd really be questioning my relationship with him at that point.

Unkind/selfish? Amounts to the same thing really. Neither are great character traits for a relationship.

I can't see any grey areas here. There are nor excuses that he could make that would mean this was ok.

Selfish, unkind, thoughtless, hard work, won’t compromise. Doesn’t sound worth it to me.

I may have missed this but are his children going to his mothers for Christmas dinner ?

@drinkribeina

I've already bought him his Xmas present

Send it back and spend the money on yourself.

Raise your standards.

OP when he comes to your house do you cook for him? Do his washing? Buy the groceries?
You say his mum chews your ears off for hours when you go round to see her? Does she invite you round?

@Onthedunes

I may have missed this but are his children going to his mothers for Christmas dinner ?

That's a valid question, because that could be the explanation regarding 3 households etc.