Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
This would be enough for me to end the relationship - never mind the updates on him being generally selfish and asking you to stay Xmas Eve and then leave.

Clearly you've had some sort of conversation where you've expressed your desire to spend Christmas Day with him and he's declined.

I'd start the New Year as single. Better that than limp on in a relationship that's frankly going nowhere. He doesn't live with you and doesn't consider your wishes. I can't see why you'd want to continue with this.

[quote drinkribeina]@Gettingthereslowly2020 He has said that he will never not spend Xmas with his Mum. He won't agree to alternate each year between his Mum and my parents. [/quote]

Not exactly an equal partnership/relationship then is it? Especially after 3 years

@drinkribeina

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner

Well it’s odd that his mum hasn’t invited you if you stay over and do so much for her. Is it her that doesn’t want you to spend Christmas dinner with them?

I did suggest to him that he could come to mine and we could have the day together just the two of us, I'd cook etc which is where he said he will never not spend Xmas day with his Mum.

I’m guessing it’s his mum’s house so Christmas is how she wants it to be rather than him and as he will spend the festivities with her, he has to abide by that.

@Notanothernamechanged101 I suspect his Mum doesn't know about me being on my own at Xmas. We get on very well and she always spends hours chewing my ear off when I pop over to see her!

You need to accept that you are not a priority in his life. I don't even think you make the list. Now you have to decide if this is how you want to live.

How horrible he is. I couldn't get past this either.

@drinkribeina

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner

That’s weird.

What have you said to him?

@AcornAutumn I haven't given him an answer about Xmas Eve yet!

Can't you just appreciate the opportunity for some peace and quiet. A lot of us would love xmas day alone

Have you not said to him "you expect me to stay over Xmas eve and then leave? Don't you think that's a horrible thing to do when you know I'll be on my own?"
Then dump his ass if that is his plan

@autumndream

Have you not said to him "you expect me to stay over Xmas eve and then leave? Don't you think that's a horrible thing to do when you know I'll be on my own?" Then dump his ass if that is his plan

Agrees I don't understand why you haven't just had a proper chat with him about this?

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner confused

^

So he'll get a Christmas shag but you can fuck off before mama gets the pigs in blankets out the oven?

Sorry to be coarse.

But that's what it's boiling down to here OP.

OP do his mum and family ask you to do things for them? Or do you just do them?
The stark reality of the situation is he just doesn't want you there with his family on Christmas Day. It's not even as if he's overlooked the possibility.. He's told you to go to your best friends if she'll have you.
This is a guy you've been with for 3 years 😮
He obviously sees you're relationship as quite casual, as he shows no real care or consideration for you really does he? He's been OK other years as you usually go to your parents. This time you can't so it's not his problem as he sees it.
Being invited under duress wouldn't feel right really would it really.
He obviously wants you round their Christmas Eve so you can give him his present.
I'd sort yourself out Christmas Day, and seriously consider telling this Mummies boy to sling his hook.

Has he actually said you can't stay for lunch?
Or just not invited you?
If it's the latter ask if he minds if you stay for lunch.

@youvegottenminuteslynn I did just try talking to him about it but if it's something he doesn't want to discuss then he simply won't. It's hard work.

@missbipolar

Are you just deliberately ignoring the point im trying to make 😂😂 yes between you it would be 3. But you can't switch bubbles so just because you make 3 it ignores the fact the sister has a partner who probably has parents

Op is one household. Partner and his mum are one household. Sister and partner are one household. That makes 3.

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
Omg, i’ve not even got past this message and read the full thread yet, but Covid aside I can’t believe he’s not including you, or ever has, in his Christmas plans with his family, that you get on great with, telling you to spend it with your Best mate, he’d be right down the road, CF

grassisjeweled
I stepped around the courseness 🤣
I did think that too though if I'm honest.

I did just try talking to him about it but if it's something he doesn't want to discuss then he simply won't. It's hard work.

Ffs, op. What on earth are you doing? Raise your standards for how you want to be treated.

Selfish = unkind. That's the point. You do things for yourself to the detriment of others.

This would be a deal breaker for me. He's treating you like a FWB. Come for sex Xmas eve, but do fuck off early so I can have my nice xmas day with my mummy and my new toys. FUCK YOU is what I would be saying.

So he wants a shag xmas eve and then for you to leave in the morning like a stop out so mummy can cook him his tea?

Seriously OP are you sure you have a relationship and not just a situation? Your worth more than this.

Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are

And at this comment he would be out the door. He lives with his mum, he sees her everyday, and is prepared to leave you on your own

His Christmas present from me will be a goodbye

[quote drinkribeina]@Notanothernamechanged101 I suspect his Mum doesn't know about me being on my own at Xmas. We get on very well and she always spends hours chewing my ear off when I pop over to see her! [/quote]
I'd be tempted to drop the fact that I'd be alone at Christmas casually into a conversation with his Mum. His reaction if his mother invites you could be interesting.