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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not invited to Parter's Christmas

436 replies

drinkribeina · 27/11/2020 18:18

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 29/11/2020 21:04

What on earth has the OP's financial situation got to do with her DP's treatment of her?

Over generous gifts are often a sign of relationships in trouble. We don’t know if the Op is well off or not. However it’s pertinent as the DP is back living at home and the Op has to cook for him when he comes round. So we know he isn’t. More red flags

copperoliver · 29/11/2020 23:39

Why are you even staying with him, if he doesn't want to spend Christmas with you and would rather see you on your own.
Get rid of him and take his present back and spend it on your child.
Look for someone better when you are ready.
2020 has been a rubbish year, get rid of your rubbish partner before 2021 starts and hopefully a better year. X

Graffitiqueen · 30/11/2020 00:17

Jesus, he's a child! Sell the ps5 for a profit and get rid!

Out of interest what has he got you if anything?

Annoymou5e · 30/11/2020 11:44

You sound like such a lovely person, you could probably sell on the ps5 very easily and return the sister her money. It’s very selfish he would see you alone on Xmas day. I’m not big into Xmas but still, he knows your children are away and he is willing to see you alone when you could easily be with his family. It’s vile.
You are generous, kind hearted (by the fact of all you do for his family for obviously nothing in return) and none of them have even invited you or asked what your Xmas day plans are?!?! Sack the lot of them off .

Annoymou5e · 30/11/2020 11:46

Also ignore the posters who question how you can afford expensive gifts when you are a single mum 🙄 I’m a single mum and I earn enough money I could buy someone a ps5 if I wished too.

Figgygal · 30/11/2020 11:49

“Go see what your friends are doing for Christmas”
Absolute fucker
Keep the ps5 and tell him to piss off

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/11/2020 12:50

He can buy his own games console - he can buy this one from you. I can't understand how he could even be comfortable accepting such an expensive give - or any gift really - from somebody he is supposed to be in a relationship with but who he treats with such casual disregard.

The fact that he interacts with your children is a bad thing. It's bad because they will pick up cues on behaviour and you don't want that.

Why are you still labouring this 'relationship' OP? I remember a 'ribena' poster before and the thread made me want to pull my hair out. It's really sad but there are some women who actually get something out of being treated badly. You feed him and run around after him - and this - being disregarded for Christmas Day is only just raising a slight question in your head. I don't understand your reasoning at all.

If you don't think you deserve better then nothing that anybody says can persuade you of that. I'm amazed that you've put up with this for three years, there really was no need.

I hope you will come to your senses before he contaminates your children.

Ghouliet · 30/11/2020 14:16

He doesn’t really care that much about you does he if he’s happy for you to sleep over Christmas Eve (for a shag?), then give him the expensive games console in the morning then bugger off in your own for the day.

If your kids are old enough give them the games console or sell it for a profit. You’ll definitely have someone snaffle that off your hands as they’re gold dust at the moment.

I’m curious to know if the sis gave your half the money or weather they gave you £50 contribution for half the present buying kudos. You’ve already been through the mill in September to pre order the beggar.

Bottom line is that if he wanted you there you would be. He’s not treating you right. You have no obligation to give him a present.

Standrewsschool · 30/11/2020 15:49

Op - any update?

Lora88 · 01/12/2020 23:45

Leave him! Something seriously not right if he doesn’t want to spend Christmas Day with you COVID or not

Winter2020 · 03/12/2020 06:23

I'd like to defend my comment about whether the OP can afford to buy her partner a console.

I'm not assuming the OP is skint at all. She could have a successful business and be buying a gaming console for each member of her family and a Fortnums(?) hamper for each of her acquaintances for all I know.

I'm just asking the OP if she is prioritising her CF partner over her children and to be honest the silence is speaking volumes.

Original poster
drinkribeina · 03/12/2020 08:35

@Winter2020 I'm actually a little offended that you would insinuate that I put anyone before my DC! Yes I'm a single parent but I have always worked full time and I also finished a part time degree last year to further my career. I've always worked hard to provide for my DC and that has meant that I have managed to save. No I'm not 'wealthy' but I am careful with my money. And yes I bought my DC the new console for Christmas!

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 03/12/2020 08:39

I must confess I came on here hoping you'd say you'd made a decision or spoken to him. Best case that he's realised the error of his ways and invited you for Christmas. I've read all your posts and there's nothing in them to suggest this situation is making you a bad parent! It's not about that.

TwentyViginti · 03/12/2020 08:40

So has anything changed OP? He gets the gift - you get pushed out still?

Winter2020 · 03/12/2020 09:27

drinkribeina
Don’t be offended. I know nothing about you so I think it was a fair question. If your children are not coming second to this man then that at least is a good thing.

Littlescottiedog · 03/12/2020 09:34

Go and stay Christmas Eve and then, when the time comes to leave in the morning, make it clear you're leaving at his behest and that you'll be in your own. If he (and his family) let you go, then I think you should cut your losses and leave the relationship. (And don't give him the present beforehand! Keep it back until you know which way the land lies, then you can sell it if he's really such a dick.)

SixesAndEights · 03/12/2020 13:01

What are you going to do by Christmas, OP? Carry on with this man or get rid?

user1471538283 · 03/12/2020 13:20

You could sell that PS5 in a heartbeat! I would sell it and get rid of him. It seems like you are good enough to look after his family but not good enough for an invitation.

Have yourself a lovely Christmas day - lots of nice food, a good movie, a bath and then New Year new everything!

Foofer · 03/12/2020 13:43

I’m another vote to tell him it’s over and sell/keep the console.

Be careful how you approach it with him though - if he realises it’s a dealbreaker and you might split up with him you will suddenly be invited to Christmas at his mums.

You’ll be guest of honour, stay the whole weekend, it’ll be the best Christmas ever because he loves you so much, you’re his whole world. He said try your friends? That’s not what he meant, of course he wants you with him at Christmas - he was just being a little thoughtless and it’ll never happen again. He’s desperate to prove how much you mean to him, he can’t lose you...

Because he’d lose his fucking console.

You deserve better.

LadyEloise · 03/12/2020 14:09

You absolutely do deserve better.@drinkribeina

wetasstenalady · 03/12/2020 14:59

I also think it's awful your parents won't have you over. Do they know you will be alone?

RightYesButNo · 04/12/2020 02:11

So over 400 people tell you that your boyfriend is treating you awfully, but you remain silent for four days and only return to respond to the one person who insinuated that you might be placing him above your child. No one else was worried about that. Everyone else was worried that the boyfriend is treating you ill, he wants you round for a Christmas Eve shag and to give him his PS5/Xbox, and then to leave you alone Christmas Day. He’s selfish and unkind to you. But you haven’t really responded to that at all (besides a short statement that it was all just a “lot” to take in almost five days ago). OP, are you going to respond at all to the other probably 415+ people who didn’t say anything about you supporting your son, and who really feel that you are being treated very badly?

Sakurami · 04/12/2020 04:36

I wouldn't continue in a relationship with a man I had been for 3 years who didn't invite me to spend xmas with him under the circumstances you've said.

Flipswhitefudge · 04/12/2020 06:48

Stop being a mug, sell the ps5 for a profit and spend it on your kids. He wants you to there to make sure he gets it and I bet he wants you gone so he can spend the whole day on it with mummy at his beck and call.

AncoraAmarena · 04/12/2020 07:19

@RightYesButNo

So over 400 people tell you that your boyfriend is treating you awfully, but you remain silent for four days and only return to respond to the one person who insinuated that you might be placing him above your child. No one else was worried about that. Everyone else was worried that the boyfriend is treating you ill, he wants you round for a Christmas Eve shag and to give him his PS5/Xbox, and then to leave you alone Christmas Day. He’s selfish and unkind to you. But you haven’t really responded to that at all (besides a short statement that it was all just a “lot” to take in almost five days ago). OP, are you going to respond at all to the other probably 415+ people who didn’t say anything about you supporting your son, and who really feel that you are being treated very badly?
Hear, hear, couldn't agree more. The silence on everything apart from this says it all.
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