Is a single 25k salary enough for a family?

[StepMummaToBe]

Hi. I'm 26, I've got a job (25/30k) won't be much more than that for my whole career,

I've got a new boyfriend, he earns minimum wage (18ish K). He's got 3 Kids are young and don't live with us but spend school hols etc with us. He doesn't have any ambition to get a better job. He pays about £200 in child maintenance a month and has no money left so I pay for most of our living costs, he's is also in 4K worth of debt.

I'm worried for my future, will we be able to afford to have kids? I know he wants to be a stay at home dad- i would be fine with that.

I love him but this is honestly the only thing that has been worrying me recently.

I'm not silly, I know it's doable, but I'm curious for some advice to make me feel better!

Any wise words? Positive only pls 🙏🏻
X

Sorry I don't think it's doable and you'd send up resenting him.

Ltb

Why on earth do you want a cocklodger?

Maybe ask him to contribute more to living costs. Would that spur him on to earn more?

I think people make it work on less and it depends on your lifestyle and what lifestyle you want to give to your kid(s).

He can’t afford any more kids. I would only stay with him if you don’t want children.

I also echo other PP. why would you be ok settling for someone so unambitious?

Does he not want to earn more because it’ll mean he’ll have to pay more maintenance? And if he is a SAHD, he won’t be paying maintenance at all - would you be comfortable with him not providing for his children?

Why ask for opinions then say positive only?
If you've made your mind up but just want your decision justified then you probably already know it's not a good idea.

What on earth do you see in this man?

Yes you might be able to raise a familybon 25k depending on where you live but I don't think it will be much of a life. You should also prioritise the existing children before having new ones.

How much does his children’s mother earn? Because by being a SAHP to your children he’d be opting out of financial provision to his first three, unless you could earn enough to provide child support to them - ie to support 5 children and two adults out of your sole income (assuming you want 2 of your own).

Either way, all 5 children would be at the mercy of whatever money the Chancellor of the day felt like giving you.

Are you going to pay CM for his kids? I don't think he is mature enough for the kids he has, let alone sny with you.

What if it was the other way around and the woman was saying she wanted to be a SAHM?

My fiancé works ft on around £20k pa, I work ft on slightly less.

I have two boys from first marriage 50/50 and expecting a baby with him in a few weeks' time. His first.

We are not young at 39 and 44.

Should I ltb because he doesn't earn a lot?!!

PS. My ex-husband earns well in excess of £100k pa. He was/is also a vile abuser. Should I have not ltb?!! I had nice things after all and a huge house

A lazy “new” boyfriend and he’s already living with you, having his young kids over, he’s paying about £15 towards each of them per week, and you’re making plans for him to never have to never have to work a day in his life?

Nooooooope.

My advice, if this is true, is to run.

Part of the country I’m in it would be just about doable for a couple raise one child on that.

They would be able to buy a fixer/upper 2 bed flat but they’d have to be prepared/capable to do a lot of the fixing up themselves.

They’d need to build a bit of savings buffer before the child came along whilst both could work. They’d probably also need a bit of family support, either practically or with money/goods.

But as soon as you add child maintenance, existing debts, need for extra bedrooms for other children, it really wouldn’t work at all. Maybe if social housing was available.

But why would you want to have a child with a guy who is happy to give up work and stop paying for his existing kids to have a kid with you? That shows a serious lack of character. You’ll just end up baby mamma no2, whilst he is whacked up with no3 and paying nowt for any of his kids.

Fucking hell. WHY are you standards so bloody low?! Seriously, you want some loser whose already got 3 bloody kids, is already cocklodging at yours and has debt to procreate with? He's a 'new' boyfriend and he's already got his feet under your table with you funding his life and keeping the bed warm, too. He saw you coming!

NO, no it's not enough for a family when you're dating a guy who has more baggage than Heathrow's T5 and I will tell you right now why he wants to be a 'SAHD', so he no longer has to pay a bean for his three kids! THREE. He wants to completely abscond financial responsibility for 3 children and sprog off even more. How could you ever find such a specimen attractive?

It would be so irresponsible to bring another child with a lousy father into this mess.

I can tell you what kind of SAHD he'll be, too, a glorified shit babysitter who will have you chasing your own tail doing everything (more than likely why his last relationship with the mother of his 3 kids ended).

I really hope you get a self esteem and drop this reject because anyone with an iota of self-esteem would not have given this bloke the time of day, much less be paying to have a man in this lives (that's exactly what you do when you have a cocklodger like this).

It depends where you live and what your expectation are really but key questions would be. . .

How hands on is he with his current kids? Is he actually likely to be a SAHD that actually does most of the childcare and housework or will you have to work and do it all?

Are you going to pay his child maintenance? If not are you happy to be with a man that has no scruples in not paying for his first three kids?

There is nothing innately wrong with the idea but I would be looking at all the above first

Rain It isn’t about him being a SAHD, one of my friends is a SAHD but he doesn’t have children from a previous relationship he is supporting. If my DH and I split up and he went and had another child with another woman but decided to be a SAHD, I’d be pissed that he wasn’t providing for his older children any longer but he is playing the doting father to a new born.

Conversely, I wouldn’t have much respect for a man if they were not providing for their children and I wouldn’t be in a relationship with them.

I personally wouldn’t embark on this journey with someone who I couldn’t rely on financially, and he quite clearly isn’t someone to rely on - it’s not about his salary but about his attitude. What happens if they split up? She won’t be getting any maintenance from him as he won’t be working, at least as a SAHD he is there for childcare FT, but not if they split up and from what OP has said, I bet he wouldn’t be rushing out to find a job.

He wants to be sahd? So he can stop paying maintenance on his existing children? Oh dear.

I think it depends where you are. Assuming the UK, South East would be a struggle I would have said but could probably be done somewhere cheaper.

Good that you're looking ahead if you want kids but how does your boyfriend having 3 DC already, needing to pay support and wanting to be a SAHD stack up?

You’ll regret it. Money might not mean much to you now, but when you’re older you’ll start to really resent carrying him.

My dad always said to me, “Never marry for money, but never marry where there isn’t any either”.

Now you might not be planning to marry but if you’re supporting him be careful. Some people are all take.

What does he bring to the relationship?

Cocklodger. Run for the hills!

Rainminusbow, If your partner was considering whether to have children with you or not, I would advise him to not, but what is done is done.

Eh no

There is nothing positive about a guy who's already got 3 bloody kids, is cocklodging with a new girlfriend and wants to have yet another kid he can't afford and not support and then completely stop supporting the 3 already here. Not.a.single.thing. He's a lowlife.

@RainMinusBow Thank you! Some positivity!

I left my old boyfriend who was earning far more, but I wasn't happy. We weren't compatible at all even though I know I would have had a very comfortable life. He made me miserable.

My new boyfriend is everything I always wanted, I know we will he happily married forever. He makes me SO happy and It's been the best year of my life.

He is fantastic with kids and works in a school, hence why he'd love to be a stay at home dad!

Do you ever regret leaving your ex husband? And are you happier now even though financially it's not great?

Thank you 😁