Is a single 25k salary enough for a family?

[StepMummaToBe]

Hi. I'm 26, I've got a job (25/30k) won't be much more than that for my whole career,

I've got a new boyfriend, he earns minimum wage (18ish K). He's got 3 Kids are young and don't live with us but spend school hols etc with us. He doesn't have any ambition to get a better job. He pays about £200 in child maintenance a month and has no money left so I pay for most of our living costs, he's is also in 4K worth of debt.

I'm worried for my future, will we be able to afford to have kids? I know he wants to be a stay at home dad- i would be fine with that.

I love him but this is honestly the only thing that has been worrying me recently.

I'm not silly, I know it's doable, but I'm curious for some advice to make me feel better!

Any wise words? Positive only pls 🙏🏻
X

For NOT being ambitious, I mean.

*I'm a teacher and still doing a fair amount of work each day and my other half is a TA, who has no work at all. I seem to be doing 90% of all housework even though I'm the only one working.

It's really getting to me, I know I doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but it's starting to bother me. We've been together just under a year.

Whenever I mention it he gets defensive. I got up at 7am this morning to do housework before school, and he stayed in bed.* *

Does anyone have any tips? - positive only please!*

You posted this the other day.

And your seriously considering this for life??

Why didn’t he Stay At Home with his 3 existing DCs? Do you know why?

Is he older than you?

Sounds like he is going for the treble:

Love bombing, future faking and cocklodging.

Give your head a shake...new boyfriend... moved in ...3 kids...low earner...wants to be a sahd. Set your expectations higher.

Ignoring whether or not the bloke in question is a good one to have kids with...
We did it for a year or so when DS1 was small, and had another few years of around £30k pre tax income. It was ok, we had to budget everything and didn't treat ourselves much but it was doable. Our housing cost £500/month tho, it might be hard to do it in the SE.

Why didn’t he Stay At Home with his 3 existing DCs? Do you know why?

This. If he’s a low earner and wants to and would be a good sahd, the logical solution would be all the kids move on with you so his ex could work.

But if that had been an option surely he’d be doing that? Although I understand his ex may have felt societal pressure to become RP- it’s generally frowned upon for a woman to leave the kids with their dad, whatever the previous set up...

Oh dear op. Have you asked how he will pay for his children? Or is it more of a “that vicious bitch just wants my money, I’ll be a sahd so she won’t get a penny”? You do realise he will do the same to you too

I earn just over £35k and my partner - self employed - earns about £25-30k. We still can’t get the bank to lend us enough to upgrade our flat to a house in our area, and that’s with a decent chunk of equity and excellent credit scores.

In the South East or London you wouldn’t manage.

The answer to your question is yes it is doable. I’m a sahm and dp’s wages pay the mortgage and all the food and bills. But it is tight, I might add!
However, we have no debt, we have our children together to support only and I worked full time up until we had dd and I plan to return to work part time after the youngest starts school. I have also had a small inheritance I have used to do up the house some what.
We don’t have that many luxuries, but we have pets, run one car and have occasional takeaways.
But only temporarily as I said I want to work and contribute to the household. Can’t imagine sitting on my arse.

Fte on minimum wage is less than 15k. Not 18k.
He's paying the right amount of maintenance, but should still have enough money to contribute towards household bills if you live together.
I'm afraid that in your shoes I'd run a mile. He's going to be a financial moose around your neck and you'd a be better off as a lone parent than him leeching off you.

A person on 18k can't afford a fourth child.

You can afford a child but you will end up resenting paying for everything. You won't have the luxury of a long maternity, can't change career if it doesn't fit family life...

How secure are both of your jobs? I think that a lot of people are going to be made redundant and if he has no money now, you're going to be covering even more expenses.

So you subsidising your boyfriend and his 3 kids... And this is a new relationship...havent you asked yourself why you should be funding 4 people like that? Your budget will be really tight for a new one

The £18k job doesn't bother me but the fact that he has no ambition to better his situation is what worries me. You'll be stuck in the same rut and end up resenting him.

If the 18k includes government help like Universal Credit then I'd assume that they could be cut/frozen for a long time. It would be irresponsible of him to have a fourth and you can do so much better

Have your babies with someone else.

Seriously.

Don’t do it. Him being a SAHD means him paying no maintenance for the kids he already has. I wouldn’t be happy to have kids ( or be in a relationship with a man) who was so willing to cut off the financial support to the kids he already has in order to make more with a new partner. He can not afford to be a SAHD.

I think without knowing where you live, it's impossible to answer.

There's ex mining villages near me where you could live in a 3 bedroom house for £400/£450 a month (mortgage or rent) assuming you worked walking distance from your home and close to somewhere you can buy food cheaply (market or aldi) with a relative close by for free childcare, then yeah it's doable.

If you live central London, need an Oyster card and would have to pay for 5 days of nursery a week, then no it isn't!

How long have you. earn together ?
New and you’re living together?
He’s definitely a cocklodger, fuck that!

*been not earn

If he becomes a SAHD, you will be enabling him to stop paying maintenance.
In all honesty can you have the kids around during the holidays and not feel guilty about that? If mum has a similar employment situation to your bf then you'll be "taking" a good chunk of their household income. If things are not friendly with the ex already, this could inflame things considerably and the ex could start asking you to fill the gap that maintenance used to pay for. You're not legally obliged to do so but will you be ok with the kids not having essentials like uniform and school trips? This is something that your bf should be morally worried about but becoming a SAHD will legally absolve him of that

Exactly, notyoucannotcomein. But oh, he's lovely! He's such a catch! Would be such a great stay at home loser. Dear god, some people have their bar set at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

He saw you coming

jesus - hes a cocklodger.

he wants to be a SAHD.? course he does - you can pay all the bills and he does not have to provide for his other 3 kids, because on 25k you cant do that too

get rid!!

jesus - hes a cocklodger.

he wants to be a SAHD.? course he does - you can pay all the bills and he does not have to provide for his other 3 kids, because on 25k you cant do that too

get rid!!

I don’t think it’s enough money to support his 4 kids.