Is a single 25k salary enough for a family?

[StepMummaToBe]

Hi. I'm 26, I've got a job (25/30k) won't be much more than that for my whole career,

I've got a new boyfriend, he earns minimum wage (18ish K). He's got 3 Kids are young and don't live with us but spend school hols etc with us. He doesn't have any ambition to get a better job. He pays about £200 in child maintenance a month and has no money left so I pay for most of our living costs, he's is also in 4K worth of debt.

I'm worried for my future, will we be able to afford to have kids? I know he wants to be a stay at home dad- i would be fine with that.

I love him but this is honestly the only thing that has been worrying me recently.

I'm not silly, I know it's doable, but I'm curious for some advice to make me feel better!

Any wise words? Positive only pls 🙏🏻
X

He wants to be a SAHD. Why? Because he loves the day-to-day moment-to-moment personal and emotional care of his current children? Or because he can't wait to give up working altogether?

You already know he's a loser hence you being here asking strangers for opinions. I'm sure your friends have told you the same but you want a different answer.

I'd seriously consider getting therapy to help you sort out your feelings. I know you're scared you may not find someone better but I promise you will. You're only 26 with a life ahead of you. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

So, he's got 3 kids now, but in a previous thread starter by you, you were only meeting 2 of them, and you hadn't even met them at the end of Feb.

Reported.

Nope

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3894580-struggling-with-housework-and-the-other-half
Based on this, throw him in the bin.

You’ll still need to take maternity leave. You’ll be up all night feeding/tending to the teething baby or toddler. My children slept through the night when they were 2 or 3 years old.

You’ll be doing all the wake ups, every night, then teaching all day... then coming back to clean (housework with kids is an insane workload. Constant mess. So much laundry). Then bathing and putting baby to bed, and trying to do planning and marking before the baby wakes. Again.

You’ll also be paying child maintenance for your 3 step children, so won’t have any disposable income AT ALL.

Your partner should be paying significantly more than £200 per month for his children. I can assure you his ex is spending a lot more than that on the basics for them.

You would be entitled to some UC or tax credits on a family income of 25k but who would be paying to support his other 3 dc if he isn't working? You shouldn't have to pay for their maintenance that's his responsibility. If you do have a baby together you need to come up with a different plan where you both work either full or part time and he still provides for his older dc like he is now.

I would be happy to be with someone earning minimum wage. Most people I know earn minumum wage or just over.

However, if he is a SAHD then it will be your money supporting his 3 kids as well as your own - so you have to ask yourself if that's what you want.

I personally would and I believe if you had 3 kids and he came on here saying the same thing people would be saying to him to stay with you.

I can only echo...raise your standards. Seriously. You can do better than this.

He is a new boyfriend? How new?
Your new boyfriend has already moved in? What was his living situation before?
He wants to be a SAHD? Do you want to pay maintenance to his ex for his three children? Or do you want them not to have any money from their father?

Concerned, tax credits have long been history for new applicants for years now and UC threshold is very low, yes, even for families with one earner and one SAHP (it's more generous when it comes to paying out for childcare). They would be entitled to nothing bar child benefit.

How would he pay his child maintenance? Would you pay it on his behalf?

Just saw JKScot4s post.

PLEASE DO NOT BREED WITH THIS MAN

This is all you want out of life? A skint, cocklodging loser who will only destroy you?

Raise the bar.

I agree with Wombatchocolate. Its not the fact he is low earning its his poor attitude to taking care of the kids he already has! How utterly irresponsible to want to give up work and not pay towards his current children and on top of that make another one. He has such low expectations and you shouldn't. You deserve better, his kids deserve better and so does your future child.

Oh God, sorry OP, look after yourself and your life, and love him elsewhere. Doubt this will end well, but best of luck anyway.

Gosh there’s a lot of haters here!!!

Look, if you like him you can make it work. I’d be nervous about his attitude to debt and child maintenance if he wants to be a stay at home dad. There’s nothing wrong with the SAHD bit, lots of people do this this but who’s going to pay off his debt and pay for his children? He needs to support them.

Please also bear in mind that you might not want to be at work whilst he gets all the time with your children. You’re backing yourself into a corner if this is the only option you give yourself.

It is possible. DH earns £28k.
His wage covers everything - mortgage, bills, car, food shop etc. We have about £50 left from that a month to save for unexpected bills. We have 2 children under 3.

If I didn't work we would be "ok"
So I have a part time job, 3 days a week, we're lucky, dcs only go to nursery one day a week and their grandparents have them on the other 2 days.

My wages allow us to go out and do stuff, but like a I said, if we just wanted to live, then I don't need to work.

I'm guessing he has some redeeming things about him?

Put yourself one step down the line, you have a baby, it doesn’t work out and he then wants to be a SAHD to the next woman in line, meaning you may well get zero. He should be wanting to provide for the 3 he has already, not finding someone to latch onto se he can ‘opt out’ . I am sure he is very keen indeed to start another family!

Of course you shouldn’t have a baby with this loser. Don’t be so utterly ridiculous.

You should be appalled that a man with three very young children is planning to create another family so soon into a new relationship and give up his job leaving his kids £200 pm poorer.

If that sits ok with you then yes, you are compatible.

What’s quite funny here is the horror almost every pp has that a woman might marry a teaching assistant with kids already. Would we have any of these comments if the sexes were reversed?

Why would you be ok with him being a SAHD when this choice means that he wouldn’t be paying to support his CURRENT children? Why is he ok with that? Because he is a waste of space.
Run as fast as you can and do some work on your self esteem.

@CayrolBaaaskin the horror isn’t low salary with 3 kids already, it’s that he’s willing to not work at all and this decision means he won’t be financially contributing to his children who are already here

Is he going to pay off his debt before he gives up work?