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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left for woman half his age.

815 replies

Apricot10 · 14/12/2019 18:31

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?
Sad

OP posts:
puds11 · 14/12/2019 18:33

What a wanker! Hope you are ok lovely Flowers

Might stalk her Hmm I’d be inclined to say you have a right to know who will be taking care off/spending time around your children.

BuildBuildings · 14/12/2019 18:36

I'm so sorry this has happened. Do you have anyone around who can help with the children? Just to help you get a moment to yourself. Somone who can do this doesn't deserve your love. I'm sure you're feeling so much right now but I think just working out how you will get through the next few days is probably a good first step. Flowers

Rainbowqueeen · 14/12/2019 18:39

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It must be devastating. But sadly you can’t change it and just need to deal with it.

Time to focus on yourself and what you need moving forward. Start looking at your financial situation and gathering up all the info you need. Don’t do the pick me dance. He has made a decision which shows the kind of person he is.

It will be tough but you need to find your anger and fight for what is the best for you and your children. Wishing you well

Bluebutterfly90 · 14/12/2019 18:41

This is awful, so sorry OP.
I certainly wouldn't be okay with him having your kids at hers while he's not telling you who she is. That's suspicious at best.
Hold your head high and look after yourself and your kids. He's shown himself to be cowardly and untrustworthy. Its okay to mourn the life you had, and the person you thought he was.
Flowers

CruellaDeVille2019 · 14/12/2019 18:45

So sorry. Have you got any good friends who can support you? Sometimes you need a friend who will listen and give you a hug while you cry Flowers

Original poster
Apricot10 · 14/12/2019 18:46

Thank you everyone. I don't have any family where I live. They all live 3-4 hours away from me, so it is just me.
I do work and am looking to increase my hours as well. I can't work full time due to sons needs, but I think I could do 30 hours.
I just want to go to bed and not get up until xmas is over. I feel dreadful and sick all the time. Just can't stop thinking about what they are up to. I know I need to stop but it's so hard.
My friend is coming over tonight to watch strictly final with me.
I just feel so tired.

OP posts:
DBML · 14/12/2019 18:50

I’m so sorry op. What an awful man.
Sending hugs 💐

MrsMozartMkII · 14/12/2019 18:55

Oh bugger. I'm sorry lass.

You will get through this. Little steps.

carly2803 · 14/12/2019 19:11

im so sorry . dont go crazy upping your hours, with childcare etc you might be better part time

entitledto.co.uk

what a shitty time of year to do this

springydaff · 14/12/2019 19:11

I'm so sorry op 💐💐

Anyone who does something like this is vile, so you're well rid. I know that will be little consolation at the moment but I hope it's a solace later on when the dreadful shock begins to fade .

Take care of yourself, do visit your GP who may be able to help with the shock in the short term. Try to eat and drink, even if only tiny amounts at a time. Take it an hour at a time - or even 10 minutes at a time.

Can family visit or you go to them for Christmas? Get as many people onside as possible 🌹💐💗

CluelessNewMama · 14/12/2019 19:18

What an awful man to do this to his family, especially just before Christmas. So sorry OP. I’m angry on you and your children’s behalf just reading this so I can’t imagine what’s going on in your head.

I think you’re right to keep your children away from her for now, it’s a huge adjustment for them and totally unfair to expect them to have a relationship with her immediately.

Focus on trying to give your children as normal/happy a Christmas as you can. That is also his responsibility, he doesn’t get to just swan off and leave you to pick up the pieces.

Jog22 · 14/12/2019 19:20

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree it's not the time to up your hours. What is the financial situation?

Techway · 14/12/2019 19:25

What a silly and selfish man, he is probadly looking for escapism.

He may look to come back but it is likely you will have moved on by then.

user1497997754 · 14/12/2019 19:34

I am so sorry you are in this situation I am sending you big hugs look after yourself lots of self care x

Dangermouse80 · 14/12/2019 19:41

So sorry to hear this. No words can make it seem better. Just focus on getting through one day at a time. If you feel too sick / tired to eat make sure you drink enough water and get to bed at a good time.
Right now you won't be able to stop thinking about it, but longer term you will move on. You deserve better.

Dawninglory · 14/12/2019 19:46

Sorry for you OP, they cant deal with the pressure of family life, children. My EXH did the same after 6yrs of marriage after I'd had our Ds. By the time he was 4mths old I was on my own, suspected he had an affair, couldn't prove it. You will get through this, stay strong for yourself and your children. 🌹

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2019 19:50

One day at a time. How horrible for you. Big hugs for your children. Flowers

YouRemindMeOfTheBabelfish · 14/12/2019 20:16

My ex was 39 or 40 I think, when he started a relationship of about two years with a woman who was 16 nearly 17 (don't want to say girl, guess she was).

His demographic was naive, vulnerable or stupid.

I was the vulnerable one. I believe he is still married to stupid.

OhioOhioOhio · 14/12/2019 20:22

What an absolute bastard. I am so sorry.

DeeCeeCherry · 14/12/2019 20:27

Wipe your tears and file for divorce, OP. You're crying whilst he's having his fun. Fuck it - get your financial settlement then move home to be nearer friends and family. You need them now for both emotional and practical support

MyChristmasBauble · 14/12/2019 20:32

So sorry this is happening to you.
Flowers

SpicyRibs · 14/12/2019 20:32

That's properly shit OP.

Was there any inkling there was something going on before he dropped the bombshell.

I wouldn't be surprised if he comes crawling back, tail between his legs in 3-6 months after the 25 year old gets bored of him.

Keep your work hours as they are, just concentrate on the kids. If at all possible, get to see your family over Christmas. Surround yourself with friends.

SpicyRibs · 14/12/2019 20:33

My ex was 39 or 40 I think, when he started a relationship of about two years with a woman who was 16 nearly 17 (don't want to say girl, guess she was).

That's pretty fucked up tbh (imvho).

Summerandsparkle · 14/12/2019 21:01

I’m so sorry OP. Try not to let the fact she is younger bother you. In ten years she’ll be worrying that he’ll leave her for a younger woman- or if they stay together the novelty of an older man will wear off and she’ll be making life more complicated for herself.

It sounds like you’ve done the right thing for the kids as it is too soon. I hope you have a nice evening with your friend. Flowers

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 14/12/2019 21:36

My ex husband did the same to me, twice the second time he got her pregnant within weeks of them meeting, they are still together but he messaged me in July saying how lonely he was etc etc

Just take it day by day and you will start to feel better. Time really is a great healer. I'm sorry this has happened to you though. I hope you have a nice evening with your friend.