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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left for woman half his age.

815 replies

Apricot10 · 14/12/2019 18:31

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?
Sad

OP posts:
PheasantPlucker1 · 26/06/2020 02:34

Just read the whole thread and in slight awe, Apricot
When my D(ickhead) ex cheated I was an utter mess, I cant believe you built stud walls.

I just dont understand why he is still telling you about his relationship. That really needs to stop, you dont need that.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 26/06/2020 07:19

@PheasantPlucker1 I won't lie, I built stud walls while sobbing uncontrollably! So I wasn't quite as together as it seems.Grin
It is so difficult to go through but you get there in the end. @yesterdaystotalsteps123 Yes, it was an odd turn of phrase. I I haven't heard from him in about a week and it is so much better, we just get on with our lives.
We all know he turned out to be a terrible husband, but I never thought he would be such a shitty father, I think that's the saddest part in all of this. My eldest has realises his works means nothing, and he can't be relied on. It's a difficult lesson for a 10 year old.

OP posts:
Original poster
Apricot10 · 26/06/2020 07:24

Words not works

OP posts:
LJenn · 26/06/2020 09:32

Poor kids! 😞😞. You're doing so well though🔥🔥. Good for you 💪🏻💪🏻. Hope you're keeping record of all contact or lack there of. Would you tell him NOT to discuss his relationship with you? He's so inappropriate. And delusional thinking that you're a mate he can confide in. WTF does he hope to achieve by telling you this? Idiot!

onalongsabbatical · 26/06/2020 09:57

Wow wow wow - so glad I saw this thread this morning, just read all of your posts OP, and not all of everyone else's but a select few. You are a fucking inspiration to the whole of womankind (and mankind too of course! Grin). Strong? Doesn't even begin to describe you, you're like welded bloody steel. All of that and lockdown too. I feel really moved to have read how you've coped with all of this.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 26/06/2020 22:33

@onalongsabbatical thank you so much. I might screen shot your comment incase I start beating myself for something.
Lockdown has been so difficult, being alone with the kids without my usual support network of friends around me has been tough. It has been for everyone though.
I can't believe he has flaked so badly. I have given up now, my eldest basically hit puberty right in the middle of lockdown so that was interesting, but she has been dealing with the realisation that her dad is a shit father, not being in school and hormones all at the same time. She is such a brave little thing and we have been doing a lot of talking. Which is good.
There was one night when I kind of broke down and called him to beg him to step up and look after the kids, take a week off work and do gome school for a week while I worked in peace. That was 5 weeks ago, he still hasn't done it. I am fighting a losing battle.
I have now bubbled up with my best friend who is furloughed until the end of Aug and she has offered to take them out over the summer once a week so I can have a break. She is brilliant. I am lucky to have such a great friend.

OP posts:
RoseTintedAtuin · 27/06/2020 00:09

I have just been through the thread and Apricot 10 I just wanted to say how well you have managed such a cr*p situation. I can’t imagine being able to manage it with such grace, keep going and wishing you the best Flowers

wildone84 · 27/06/2020 00:14

You're doing amazingly OP. I love that his new relationship seems to be so shaky so early on. What a disappointment he turned out to be, not just for you but for your kids. You're better off without him for sure.

GoldenPlover · 27/06/2020 18:38

I've just read all your posts on this thread OP and I am in awe of you!

You've been so strong and you seem like a brilliant mum!

Andwoooshtheyweregone · 27/06/2020 21:39

Just found your thread OP. Wow what a journey and what a twat he is. I’m so sorry he’s putting your children and you through this. Lockdown has eased for many he really has no excuse not to pick up the slack, apart from the fact he’s a self serving C U Next Tuesday. Good luck op!

RandomMess · 28/06/2020 08:33

What an arse he really his, the DC will drift away from him and he will complain that they aren't interested in him - IGNORE!

KOKO Thanks

KeepingPlain · 28/06/2020 08:41

If you know the ow, tell her that he is planning on leaving her after lockdown. Gives her a chance to kick him out. Then he really will be up shit creek.

I would stop asking him to spend time with his kids too. You stop doing the contacting, only he does that. He won't, and they'll hate him more for it. If he doesn't try to contact them, it's all on his head. But it's not fair on you trying to get him to step up and him failing. You are their parent and a great one at that. He is nothing.

He'll realise when he's old, fat and uglier that no one loves him, thanks to thinking a younger woman was a better option. He can then add stupid to the list of how to describe him.

sausagepastapot · 28/06/2020 08:46

What a dick. Ice queen from now on. Just keep any exchanges ice cold and treat any discussions as a transaction, nothing more, don't show him any emotion whatsoever.

Get an amazing solicitor and take him for every penny. You deserve so much better!

Treacletoots · 28/06/2020 09:04

I'm hoping your thread gets saved as a classic to give inspiration to all women in your situation!

The joint account made me smile. When I was getting divorced, exH used to have an employee reward scheme that gave them points they could exchange for gifts in a catalogue. The letter arrived to the house, I chose some lovely molton brown bath goodies from the catalogue Grin

Feels even better because in the past I'd asked him to consider using the points to buy something nice for the house or garden and he always refused saying it was just for him. Summed him up really.

Just wanted to say, keep going and you are an inspiration Smile

LJenn · 28/06/2020 14:21

^*
I would stop asking him to spend time with his kids too. You stop doing the contacting, only he does that. He won't, and they'll hate him more for it. If he doesn't try to contact them, it's all on his head. But it's not fair on you trying to get him to step up and him failing. You are their parent and a great one at that. He is nothing. -^ @KeepingPlain*

This exactly. The next time you contact him should be with a solicitors letter about the divorce. He's made himself perfectly clear to you regarding the kids. He. Doesn't. Care. Don't give him an INCH and cut him off when he brings up his new "relationship".

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