Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

You'll be fine op. Your posts radiate strength and resolve, and the whole world can see that he has made a mistake that he will come to regret bitterly. You'll have good days and bad days, and there's a long way to go yet of course, but you'll come through it.

I wish he could have 50/50 but he works 2 hours away and commutes, so can't/won't do the school run. Can't/wont pick them up. I work school hours so I can do the school run. I have done everthing for the last nearly 10 years. While he worked full time and far away.

^

Can you move closer to him??

This happened to me. I was too soft at the time but, knowing what I know now, get every single penny you can if you divorce. There are no second chances.

^^

Yup. Take him to the CLEANERS.

He lives close to me, but works far away. Commutes 2 hours there and back every day. I asked him to change his job many times over the years and get a job here so he could be hone by 5.30pm rather than 8pm.
He has just told me he might be getting a job 10 mins away now. Well, he has something worth coming gone to now doesnt he?
Feels like such a slap in the face. I managed for so many years doing all the school runs, teas etc. And now he vets a job close to home. At least now he can do 50/50 split.
I got a number of a shit hot lawyer today. Might not be able afford her though.😬

Sorry about the typos!

Your shit hot lawyer will push for him to pay the legal fees, given the circumstances.

Good luck 💐

Struggling tonight. Kids are so excited and I am doing my very best to be excited with them. All I want to do is just go to drink a bottle of wine and go to bed. But I am facing doing the presents on my own for the first time. Everyone I know is with someone tonight, whether it be parents, partners. Etc. I just feel very alone. Utter bastard doing this.

I just read through your post and I'm gob smacked by what an utter shit head your "D" H is!! I just wanted to wish you and your children a really happy Christmas. Onwards and upwards in the new year lovely

Thank you so much. Really ready to get Christmas and new year done. Get back to work and move on with it all. It's been a horrible few weeks.

Just wanted to say I think you sound like a bloody brilliant mum and I'm so impressed you're holding thing together so amazingly for the kids.

Lovely to hear you've had that magical moment when you realise that as much of a cuntchops they've been, you really are better off without them and the future looks brighter out of the marriage.

It's just such a shame they do it so selfishly that the kids have to suffer confusion / new people in and out of their life / instability.

BUT you are their rock and you sound ace. Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow

Everyone you know may be with someone but I assure you not everyone is with someone at this wretchedly pressured time of year.

It's a day. Get through the day and the worst is over. I've had many many Christmases just me and the kids - quite a few on my own when kids were with their dad - and I enjoyed it so much. Ex was a dead weight when it came down to it so it was no loss not having him around at Christmas. Once I got the hang of Delia's Christmas I'd fully cracked it.

Thinking of you Apricot ✨💗

Merry Christmas @Apricot10. I hope you have a lovely day with your DC

Make sure you find every single piece of financial information you can and photograph it all. Payslips, bank and card statements, tax returns. Everything. Pension and life insurance documents.
Chances are he will try to lie and cheat over money too.

I'm no expert but I think his financial commitment to the mortgage is separate from maintenance. You need legal advice ASAP to make sure he isn't screwing you over.

Hope you get through today OK. Have read your posts with both sympathy and admiration for you. All the best.

Happy Christmas, op. You deserve a lovely day. Enjoy it with your kids and without that dead weight.

Hi everyone, well it's been a horrible week. Xmas day was okay spent it with my friend and her little girl. It was nice, just different.
Ex has been messing me around all week with regards to the kids. I am really fed up. And today I found out that my in laws knew about it all along, had even welcomed her into their home. They felt like they couldn't say anything.
I feel utterly betrayed.
After some digging me and a friend found out who she was, as exes entire family had added her as a friend on facebook. (I don't have facebook but my friend looked for me) He wouldn't tell me still. And then went crazy at me for digging. I am now done with it all. She can have him.
He has drip fed me information and dragged out this pain for me. It is beyond cruel. It's amazing how you can view someone for many years and then realise that you didn't know them at all.

@Apricot10, so sorry to read this. He is a narcissist. Please look after yourself and your children.

So sorry this has happened to you - the betrayal is horrible I know. It will be hard, some days good some bad and some ok. But the ok and good days will get more frequent. You will get through it. You will be happy again. Be kind to yourself.

It wont last 5 mins with the 25 yr old! What an idiot he is!

Thank you so much. I weirdly feel better now I know who she is. I have just taken the Xmas tree down, I practically threw it into the garden and had a good tidy up. My son is poorly and I can't leave him alone to go out (he is only 6) and get Calpol, so I asked ex to drop some by. He left it on the door step and text me to tell me it was there. Quite funny actually. I am back to work tomorrow and he is picking up the kids at 9am, I hope. I can't wait to just throw myself into some work and not think about all of this crap.
The kids are amazing and just getting on with things. I think after dinner I might crack open some Lego with my little boy.

I'd be cutting off his family!

Lego sounds like a good plan. He has made terrible choices... harden your heart and leave him to it. I wont pretend its easy, because its taken me the best part of five years to stop caring about my ex's behaviour with regard to our DD. But you care less and less, and eventually you get to a point where you realise your ex is just a sad fucker who is missing out on time spent with awesome little people.

Oh, and i hope your son feels better soon x

Yep I won't be making any effort with them anymore Ginger.

Thank you floozie, I hope it comes sooner rather than later. I often think that, he is missing out on the best years with them. And they are such awesome kids. I love being with them.