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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My new bf has disappeared...

275 replies

DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:32

Hello all...

I wonder if anybody can help..my new partner has literally gone awol. We have been together for nearly 6 weeks now and he calls / txts me about 20 times a day . He is really into me and we have a lovely relationship. He lives about 2 hours drive from me. On Wednesday I received a distressed phone call from him..saying some friends had stabbed him in the back and..he sounded broken and said it was not my fault..I then got a flurry of txts from him..and a final txt at 6.50pm saying his phone was out of battery and his body really hurts... he sounded panicked and very distressed. I tried to call/message back but phone was off by this point.

Since then. Nothing. His phone is switched off. I don't have any family or friends numbers yet..and apart from drive down to try and find the man..I do not know what to do.

I'm thinking Maybe he needs a few days to sort himself out...he has not been on Facebook or any social media at all. He is a responsibly physiotherapist with a great job..I'm st my wits end ladies. I really really care for him..
I just dont know what to do.. help..

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 20/10/2018 19:33

Can you message some friends on his Facebook?

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:35

I was thinking that.. but as it's a new relationship...I'm a bit wary of doing that.. what if he doesn't want them to know his personal stuff..I may wait a few days them do that if he still is my it touch.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 20/10/2018 19:36

You 've only known him 6 weeks
Do you mean stabbed with a knife? Then he should be in hospital
Call his work on Monday
If you know he has mental health issues you can ask police to do a welfare check if you have his address

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/10/2018 19:37

It's an excuse and he's ghosted you.

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:39

No I mean some friends have upset him..not.stabbed him literally. He does not have mental health issues.. he is a physiotherapist...

I'm going to contact the police on.monday if I haven't hear anything from him. I just find the whole thing very odd. If he wasn't this

OP posts:
Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:40

Yes I was thinking that. If he has ghosted me then I guess I should cut my losses. How crappy either way though.

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 20/10/2018 19:42

Does he do drugs? He is not your responsibility after 6 weeks.

shaftedbythesystem · 20/10/2018 19:42

His friends have stabbed him in the back by letting his partner know that he is seeing you. That's what jumped to my mind?

HandlebarTash81 · 20/10/2018 19:44

Physiotherapists have mental health issues too. Everyone can.

You don’t know this man very well at all after only six weeks but I can see why you’d be confused and I would reach out to his friends (don’t worry about not knowing them - id assume there’s little left to lose I’m afraid OP)

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:49

I know..I'm finding it very hard as he is the one that constantly calls me...also when we last spoke on Wednesday he sounded so upset and broken..he refused to discuss things in details but it was his last txt that really worried me..he was worried about a rash spreading on his body.. and his.lasy words were..oh god please.. I have called..messaged constantly but am at a complete loss as to what to do !!

OP posts:
IncomingCannonFire · 20/10/2018 20:00

All sounds rather dramatic. Try contacting him/ hos friends on facebook. Make sure he's not done something stupid. I would really consider cooling things off with him once you've figured out what's going on. Way too much drama.

MulticolourMophead · 20/10/2018 20:02

His friends have stabbed him in the back by letting his partner know that he is seeing you.

I wondered if it was this, too.

TidyLike · 20/10/2018 20:03

This is hurtful, I'm sorry 💗 After just 6 weeks, I'd leave it. If he gets back in touch with you with an explanation and an apology for going AWOL, maybe you two have a future. If not ... probably a lucky escape. Either this is an elaborate method of ghosting or he's involved in far more drama than you should be taking on at 6 weeks. This should still be the honeymoon period!

Quartz2208 · 20/10/2018 20:03

yes contact friends if you can it does sound like he could have done something

HereForTheLineEyes · 20/10/2018 20:06

So weird! But agree with PPs you have nothing left to lose by reaching out to his friends.

Gemini69 · 20/10/2018 20:06

On Wednesday I received a distressed phone call from him..saying some friends had stabbed him in the back and..he sounded broken and said it was not my fault..

why would any of it be Your Fault ?????

Fontofnoknowledge · 20/10/2018 20:07

You have a genuine reason to be concerned for his welfare. I would also contact Facebook friends and ask if anyone has seen him as you just want to check he is ok. This could also kill 2 birds with one stone - as it's always possible he had another relationship and that's what he meant by 'friends stabbing him in the back'

Did he have the opportunity for other relationships? Was he around all weekend, every weekend for the 6 weeks ? Any tell tale signs like not being able to meet Saturday night for example? I am not with the whole MN paranoia brigade who assumes men are cheating but this sounds either that he was and friends have spilled the beans or he could actually be ill.

Nothing to lose either way by contacting them . At least you will know.

Bakingberry · 20/10/2018 20:07

Are you friends with him on FB? If he's just ghosted you, then you will know when he eventually posts something. You could try and contact a friend he has previously mentioned and ask if they have heard from him.

I feel for you because I know how tricky these things can be when the relationship is still new.

Honeyroar · 20/10/2018 20:12

Is he normally so dramatic?

I'd try and contact his friends on Facebook. If you know where he lives I'd consider driving there and seeing if he is home/ a neighbour knows if he's in hospital etc.

It's either a case of he needs help/support or he needs his arse seriously kicking for scaring the life out of you!

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 20:14

Hi I am friends with.him on fb and he has not posted anything or been active on any social media at.all. He is a really sweet shy guy.. which is why I'm more inclined.to.think he is just very upset rather than doing the dirty on me. Also..he sounded so genuinely distressed in.hisast phone call..I have no reason to doubt him. I'm keeping all options open and will see how things pan out. But agreed this is way too much drama for a new relationship. Why oh why can I not have a normal loving relationship for once ?

OP posts:
LookingThroughTheLookingGlass · 20/10/2018 20:15

Alarm bells..... Too dramatic. Walk away.
Sorry OP but I’ve had similar experiences. Just walk away.

cestlavielife · 20/10/2018 20:16

Don't drive 2 hours on a Saturday night!
He is an adult
You barely know him
Call his work on Monday

costacoffeecup · 20/10/2018 20:18

Do you have what's app? In my limited experience doesn't it show when you're last online?

BoomTish · 20/10/2018 20:20

Why are you calling him your partner? You’ve known him for about 40 days.

Far too much drama at this stage.

mindutopia · 20/10/2018 20:22

I would contact a few close friends or family via Facebook. I’ve done this in the past with a friend who was very clearly having mental health issues (but didn’t live close to me, so I couldn’t actually physically intervene). In the end, she ended up needing to be sectioned. You have nothing to lose and given the circumstances, it’s the best thing to do. If you can’t reach him that way and no friends have been able to contact, honestly, I’d consider asking the police to do a welfare check. If all is fine, then no big deal ( and maybe a good reason to give this one the swerve), but if he needs help, then it’s good you did.