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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My new bf has disappeared...

275 replies

DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:32

Hello all...

I wonder if anybody can help..my new partner has literally gone awol. We have been together for nearly 6 weeks now and he calls / txts me about 20 times a day . He is really into me and we have a lovely relationship. He lives about 2 hours drive from me. On Wednesday I received a distressed phone call from him..saying some friends had stabbed him in the back and..he sounded broken and said it was not my fault..I then got a flurry of txts from him..and a final txt at 6.50pm saying his phone was out of battery and his body really hurts... he sounded panicked and very distressed. I tried to call/message back but phone was off by this point.

Since then. Nothing. His phone is switched off. I don't have any family or friends numbers yet..and apart from drive down to try and find the man..I do not know what to do.

I'm thinking Maybe he needs a few days to sort himself out...he has not been on Facebook or any social media at all. He is a responsibly physiotherapist with a great job..I'm st my wits end ladies. I really really care for him..
I just dont know what to do.. help..

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/10/2018 14:22

Yes. Message him to say you're sending the police round to his house as you're worried.

If it's genuine then he needs help by the sound of it. If it's not then he'll get back to you sharpish I reckon.

Womanlikeme · 21/10/2018 14:22

When my ex did a disappearing act I did contact the police (after I contacted his family) who did a welfare check and located him and he was really mad with me about it so I agree he might suddenly appear if he thinks you are going to do that.

alfiesmam · 21/10/2018 14:35

Any update OP ?

Either way I don’t think this going to end well Confused

SparklyMagpie · 21/10/2018 14:39

First thing I thought of was ghosting
But either way, it's not great after just 6 weeks is it ?

I'd definitely message saying you were contacting the police as you're concerned, I reckon he'd reply in a flash

Suebnm · 21/10/2018 14:44

Have you actually really met him in real life?

Rachie1986 · 21/10/2018 14:48

Any update OP? I understand your concern x

theworldistoosmall · 21/10/2018 14:50

Isn't it ironic that the op posts something about her new man disappearing and seems like the op has joined him. Grin

mcmooberry · 21/10/2018 14:54

Ha ha true, I think the advice about saying she is contacting the police will have the desired effect.
Not surprised she is so perplexed though, it's a very odd way to behave and possibly a very disappointing end to what seemed to be a promising relationshop.

DaffydownClock · 21/10/2018 14:57

Looks like OP's vanished too 😳

PhaedrasChocolate · 21/10/2018 15:09

I'm sorry but this sounds like bullshit to me. I've had a couple of experiences a bit similar to this and there really are some weirdos that do this stuff... I have no idea what for Confused

I had a bf at the age of 17 that ghosted me one day. It was the 80s though, so I couldn't stalk him and never found out what happened. Until a few years ago when he came up on my 'people you may know' on FB. I messaged him like this 🤔😂 and we've been firm FB friends ever since!
I don't actually think you will ever get a conclusion to this. People are strange.

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 21/10/2018 15:09

Apologies someone reported my thread for some reason.

Mumsnet reinstated it so I'm now allowed to post again!! I've messaged his friends who said they mast heard from him day before me. I'm going to let him be. Maybe this us the way he deals with upsets..by completely shutting off. Either way I'm going to carry on with my life as I've wasted so much time worrying and texting etc. He s done this before where he vanished for 2 days but it's been nearly 5 now and if he want a to pop back into my life he will have a hell of a lot of explaining to do. I'll keep you updated xx thanks for all the messages of support x

OP posts:
Cambalamb · 21/10/2018 15:10

Ring his local hospital to see if he's been admitted?

Cambalamb · 21/10/2018 15:11

imo anyone that texts 20 times a day is bit unusual/needy.controlling?

PhaedrasChocolate · 21/10/2018 15:12

You've been seeing him for 6 weeks and he already did this once before?? Nah. Get rid.

Cambalamb · 21/10/2018 15:12

Agree !

Dodie66 · 21/10/2018 15:12

If his friends haven’t heard from him either that’s a bit concerning. I would worry about him being ill. Can’t you check he is not in hospital?

thereallochnessmonster · 21/10/2018 15:14

Agree with Phaedra. Too much drama. Get rid.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 21/10/2018 15:16

It seems a bit of a palaver just to ghost someone.
I can't believe people are being so harsh. Bad shot does happen to people.
I'd certainly be inclined to report it, or at least threaten to as previously suggested.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 21/10/2018 15:16

*bad shit

Jojoanna · 21/10/2018 15:19

I would leave it

Gazelda · 21/10/2018 15:23

Move on from him OP. He's put you through this angst twice in 6 weeks.no-one needs that much drama from someone they barely know.

AnyFucker · 21/10/2018 15:23

You must be bloody desperate if ypu are willing to excuse this shit a 2nd time

Did you look for his name on the physiotherapy professional register ?

alfiesmam · 21/10/2018 15:27

Obviously don’t touch him with a barge pole again - but if it were me I couldn’t help looking him up to see if he’d a registered physio / try calling him from another number to see if he’s blocked me and telling him I was “ concerned “ and woujd be reporting him just to piss him off Angry

GlasgowWorrier · 21/10/2018 15:28

The only physiotherapy he's doing is pulling your leg.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 21/10/2018 15:28

Forget everything i said, he's done it before.
Move on.