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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My new bf has disappeared...

275 replies

DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 19:32

Hello all...

I wonder if anybody can help..my new partner has literally gone awol. We have been together for nearly 6 weeks now and he calls / txts me about 20 times a day . He is really into me and we have a lovely relationship. He lives about 2 hours drive from me. On Wednesday I received a distressed phone call from him..saying some friends had stabbed him in the back and..he sounded broken and said it was not my fault..I then got a flurry of txts from him..and a final txt at 6.50pm saying his phone was out of battery and his body really hurts... he sounded panicked and very distressed. I tried to call/message back but phone was off by this point.

Since then. Nothing. His phone is switched off. I don't have any family or friends numbers yet..and apart from drive down to try and find the man..I do not know what to do.

I'm thinking Maybe he needs a few days to sort himself out...he has not been on Facebook or any social media at all. He is a responsibly physiotherapist with a great job..I'm st my wits end ladies. I really really care for him..
I just dont know what to do.. help..

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 20/10/2018 20:47

Too much drama.

tempester28 · 20/10/2018 20:47

Is there any chance he is married and has been caught out?

If not,with the rash and distress ect it might have been worth a drive to his house to make sure he is not in any danger?/ medical emergency? and if he looks perfectly healthy then you would know one way or another what is going on.

eddielizzard · 20/10/2018 20:47

yup, sorry I'm in the ghosting camp. Very crap behaviour.

Holdingonbarely · 20/10/2018 20:48

If he’s not dead then seriously dump him. Total drama lama

AnoukSpirit · 20/10/2018 20:48

Why oh why can I not have a normal loving relationship for once ?

What do you mean by this? Have you been targeted before?

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 20:51

I came out of a horribly abusive marriage over 2 years ago..and just want a normal relationship that's all..

OP posts:
Cherrygirl3 · 20/10/2018 20:53

Omg OP. I'm reading this thread with amazement. Do people really go to this level of dramatics just to swerve someone? I can be naive but blimey! I would be as worried as you. Please let us know what you find out. Flowers

ShawshanksRedemption · 20/10/2018 20:55

If you know his address I would contact local Police, explain the situation and ask them to check on him.

Yes, he could be playing you. But at the back of my mind I would be thinking, but what if he's not? You've got nothing to lose by getting his welfare checked out. If eh is a cheating drama llama then you can heave a sigh of relief that you don't have to deal with him anymore!

Womanlikeme · 20/10/2018 20:56

Why did his body hurt if he hadn’t been stabbed?

Original poster
DizzyBeeme · 20/10/2018 20:59

He said he a red rash that was spreading on his body and hurt

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/10/2018 20:59

Whatever happens I would think twice about continuing things. There's more going on if he's just disappeared, whether that's MH issues or another partner. If you want a straightforward relationship, then I don't think this is your guy.

Mrsmadevans · 20/10/2018 21:00

Have you ever met him in Real life OP?

Holdingonbarely · 20/10/2018 21:02

you’ve known him SIX WEEKS
Really remember this
He bombarded you with texts
Do you know what love bombing is?

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 21:03

I just want to pick you up on one point:

He does not have mental health issues.. he is a physiotherapist...

The way you've written this makes it seem as though him being a 'professional' in a clinical patient-facing role, as it were, precludes him from having mental health issues. That's just patently untrue. Mental health illnesses do not discriminate based on any sort of criteria.

However, if I were you I'd just ride out the storm and see what happens. You've been together for 6 weeks so this will end in one of three ways:

  1. You discover he has been in a dangerously life-compromising situation thus ending up in hospital with no means to contact you.

  2. He is making a theatrical show of ghosting you.

  3. He reappears in a short-while being deflective over what happened but assures you everything is fine.

If it's (2) or (3) consider yourself lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed and never engage with this man again.

Smallhorse · 20/10/2018 21:03

How distressing for you. I hope everything is ok.

likeridingabike · 20/10/2018 21:05

I agree with those saying this is far too much drama for a new relationship, I wouldn't be contacting his friends or his work.

lilyblue5 · 20/10/2018 21:05

I don’t like this either, esp as his phone is off so assuming he’s not just ignoring you but ignoring everyone!
Did you say you found his family on social media?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/10/2018 21:05

So he had a rash and an aching body; called you and you haven't heard from him since?

Presuming you've met him in real life; I'd be sending 111 to his house. He might be fine; or he might be with a wife/other woman, or he might really need help. It's better to be safe than sorry whichever is true; though.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/10/2018 21:06

I bet he's gone on holiday with the wife and kids. Gotta make a story about why he couldnt contact you. So he's made out that he's ill or shit.

He'll reappear in 2 weeks.

JustABrokenDoll · 20/10/2018 21:07

As you know his address can you contact the local hospital(s) to see if he has been admitted?

It does sound overly dramatic. Surely a health professional would have contacted 111/999 if they were seriously worried about their health rather than waste their minimal battery life sending you dramallama texts?

SummerStrong · 20/10/2018 21:07

I think you may find he is not all he seemed to be, this is a major red flag.

How did you meet him, how much time have you didn't with him? (did you mostly get to know him online?)

Realistically, there isn't much you can do except text and ask him if he's ok and then wait for a reply.

If you respond with too much concern or buy into the drama then you may be giving him exactly what he wants, I'd play it cool for now and wait and see.

theworldistoosmall · 20/10/2018 21:08

The phone off isn't a concern. Could be he's blocked the op so it appears off for her.
He could be like some of us who have a separate number for online activity which includes dating. So he's not ignoring everyone, just ignoring people like op. Could be that he does the same with FB as well, I do as I know through messenger you can find FB page with the phone number. Same with other SM.

wtf2015 · 20/10/2018 21:08

I'd be concerned as well. If he's ok then I'd dump him. You don't need the drama.

ApolloandDaphne · 20/10/2018 21:09

Blimey. So much drama. Just call it a days

youbrokemytwatometer · 20/10/2018 21:10

Maybe I'm being ridiculous here, but could this have been a serious virus - the rash, the aching body, and the part about his friends was maybe delirium?

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