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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He has ended it.

179 replies

VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 14:23

I have had to name change for this one.

After a week of disappearing, he has said that he no longer wants to be with me, because I don’t make him happy.

(There is a little bit of a back story) I will be honest I am hurt by him telling me this. He has also said that DS6 and I will have to move out of the house because he wants to sell it ASAP. He has told me to find an apartment and he will pay the rent for me.

I don’t have many people in real life that I would feel comfortable discussing this with, I guess it is because I am embarrassed.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 14/04/2018 14:37

Who is ‘he’? Husband, partner, son’s father?

Original poster
VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 14:40

Sorry, I should have stated that in my opening post - He was my partner and is my sons father.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 14:40

are you married ? then you move nowhere ... not yet Flowers

mummmy2017 · 14/04/2018 14:43

Stay put.....
Tell him you want to sort out how he is going to pay for his son to live....

Original poster
VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 14:53

Gemini69 - No we are not married, thank god! mummmy2017 I do want to stay here this is the place we have lived in for 3 years, and how would I even tell DS that we have to move out?

He told me this on Thursday and today, he texted me asking me if I can go and stay with my mum, but yet he has told me to find a place to stay.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/04/2018 14:57

Are you in the UK?.

I would not rely on anything for him going forward short of maintenance for his child. I would not believe him either when he states he would pay rent for an apartment for you to live in.

What is the situation re the property; is it in his sole name?. Are you at all named or either the mortgage or title deeds. You need legal advice urgently on separation because it may well be the case that he is within his rights here re asking you to move out.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/04/2018 15:00

Separating your own self from him could well cost you dearly in terms of time, money and effort. It sounds like he has met someone else and wants to start a new life with that person.

As his unmarried partner your own legal position here is very poor indeed. He is and will remain financially responsible for his child but he is not responsible for your own self financially.

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 15:12

I would wait for him to formally evict you tbh!

moofolk · 14/04/2018 15:14

He needs to leave, not you.

Original poster
VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 15:30

AttilaTheMeerkat We are in the UK - I do believe that he will pay the rent and even if there was a change he didn’t I would be able to pay it myself. I just don’t understand why he is acting like this, the house that we live in now is in his name.

I was also thinking that he has met someone new because I have never ever seen this horrible side of him, but I am not willing to leave (well not yet) he can’t just demand me and his son to leave the house.

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 14/04/2018 15:44

Don’t go anywhere until you’ve seen a solicitor

Original poster
VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 15:59

ChickenMom Thanks, but I don’t understand how a solicitor can help the situation? And I didn’t want to get anyone else involved in this.

OP posts:
Insanityinthesuburbs · 14/04/2018 16:03

Wake up Vegan! You've got rights and you need to protect your son's right to have a roof over his head. I know you don't want to, but get legal advice. Length of cohabitation, joint assets and their division will all be relevant and you can't just pretend it'a not happening. I don't mean to sound harsh but when a relationship ends, and indeed if he's with someone new, he has no vested interest in looking after you (and it seems your son!) so you need to protect yourself. Good luck xx

Jon66 · 14/04/2018 16:05

I'm afraid if you aren't married he can remove you from the property. You have no right to stay in the property as you are not married and therefore do not have matrimonial home rights. If it is his house and you have not made direct contributions to the mortgage (repayment mortgage) or contributed toward the initial deposit there is nothing you can do. Moving out with him paying the rent on a new place seems like a good deal to me. Presumably him paying the rent would be in lieu of him paying maintenance.

missbonita · 14/04/2018 16:06

Who owns the house?
Why is he making his son homeless?
Unfortunately I think it is not good that you are not married. Have you got copies of all financial records etc and what you have paid. DO not leave without this info.

Adayindisney67 · 14/04/2018 16:11

Have you helped pay the mortgage and can you prove it? That's your first step! He can't just kick you out! Go see a solicitor ASAP

Qwertytypewriter · 14/04/2018 16:14

I'm afraid if you aren't married he can remove you from the property. You have no right to stay in the property as you are not married and therefore do not have matrimonial home rights. If it is his house....
But she hasn't said its his house, it might be, or it could be hers, or they may rent! So you're telling a woman she HAS to move out, as though you have legal expertise, when for all you know she could be the only named tenant on a tenancy agreement and still responsible for the rent after rushing out. If she's a joint tenant, she'd also still be responsible for the rent if he didn't pay it, and for any mess/damage he created after she left.
OP, please get proper advice from someone with knowledge, after telling them enough info for them to properly assess, and don't take statements like the above as fact. It may be a lot wiser not to leave the property in a rush.

Qwertytypewriter · 14/04/2018 16:17

Just spotted he's talking of selling so they don't live in a rental, but the rest still applies, get proper advice.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/04/2018 16:20

What is the situation re the property; is it in his sole name?. Are you at all named or either the mortgage or title deeds. You need legal advice urgently on separation because it may well be the case that he is within his rights here re asking you to move out.

This bears repeating because it is important. If the property is in his sole name he is within his rights to ask you and your son to move out. Its his property to do with as he wishes and now he wants to sell it.

At the very least you need legal advice. Not having anyone else involved even if only to find out about your own legal rights here is frankly stupid.

JennyHolzersGhost · 14/04/2018 16:23

Do you work?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/04/2018 16:24

Moving out with him paying the rent on a new place seems like a good deal to me. Presumably him paying the rent would be in lieu of him paying maintenance"

There is no guarantee that he would actually honour his promise to pay rent; words are cheap after all. I would now no longer trust this person unless and until its all put in writing. He is financially responsible for his child so he should pay maintenance; paying rent is not in lieu of doing that.

Original poster
VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 16:26

Jon66 I know, that’s why I don’t want to take legal advice because they’re only going to tell me the same as what you’ve said.
missbonita He owns the house, it’s in his name, he is not making our son homeless as he is willing to pay rent on a new place for us, he has also said him splitting up with me will give our son a better life.

I need to be open with you now, when I think back I guess I’ve driven him to this, I’m not completely inoccent in this. I suffer form OCD and I am not always as mentally stable as I would like to be.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 16:26

OP have a look at another Thread on here called...

Partner Refuses To Move Out....

differing info being given ... Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 14/04/2018 16:26

Trust me op, there's already somebody else to involved in this.

It's a shame you're not married because that would make it easier for you to get what's yours. That's why you need to see a solicitor urgently to find out what you're entitled to. DO NOT MOVE OUT

BitOutOfPractice · 14/04/2018 16:28

He is no longer your friend. Do not trust a word he says. Do not assume he will fulfil his word. He is a stranger to you now. A stranger that is happy to kick a woman and child out of their home.