He has ended it.

[VeganAsia]

I have had to name change for this one.

After a week of disappearing, he has said that he no longer wants to be with me, because I don’t make him happy.

(There is a little bit of a back story) I will be honest I am hurt by him telling me this. He has also said that DS6 and I will have to move out of the house because he wants to sell it ASAP. He has told me to find an apartment and he will pay the rent for me.

I don’t have many people in real life that I would feel comfortable discussing this with, I guess it is because I am embarrassed.

If you’re going away take your son with you if you can

Lunettesloupes I am not going to go and visit a solicitor and that’s me being honest, I do not want to get anyone involved in this situation, we will sort it out like adults.

I have spoken to him this morning, I said I need to take a break and he has said that we may as well all go together, when I said that I want to be by myself he said that he doesn’t trust me after the phone call, I just think he is using this as an excuse, he has cheated in the past and I never ever bring it up.

Take your son with you.
See your GP.
Access therapy (on your own).

VeganAsia

Please visit a solicitor at least to get an idea of where you stand legally in all this, and to have a plan B just in case.

Forget about the idea of sorting it out as adults, it's not going to happen, because your husband does not have your best interests at heart.

I will be taking a short break on Monday, DS will be left with him.

I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't want to know where you stand legally, just in case it happens again, or you decide not to accept this shitty half life.

It takes two minutes to make the appointment, and an hour to attend.

If you live happily ever after, he never needs to know.

If it all goes wrong again, you'll know exactly what to do and how to handle it, so you won't need to seek panicky advice from internet strangers.

You are NOT married. You have no rights to his property yet have a child with this man. Please go and seek legal advice even if you end up staying.

This is emotional abuse. And he's cheated! No one likes change but your DS would adapt and be even happier in the future. Try imagine an even happier DS because there's so much more potential. Take him with you on your trip and do not return.

OP look back at your original post.... and remind yourself why you came onto Mumsnet to ask strangers for help.... HE wanted you and your Son out of HIS house.... this won't change.... He won't change..

on a separate note... you left the family home and left your Son behind.. and your doing it again on Monday.... I don't believe for a minute he will not have sought legal advise citing abandonment to gain the upper hand should this go to court. .. I reckon that's what he was doing on last week when your Son wasn't at school.....

OP you're being stitched up like a well smoked kipper.....

Gemini69 They went to the zoo for the day, and he has also taken DS out for the day today.

Adults contact a solicitor and find out their legal position. Ignore the advice you’ve been given on this thread at your peril. I’m out

Him taking your son to the zoo is irrelevant.

I must agree with other posters.You are in a dire position yet will not take the most logical step which would be to seek legal advice. It seems pointless suggesting anything further.

No doubt you will start a new thread the next time he throws you and the DC out of the house.

Commenting on this thread any further is a waste of time.
OP is ignoring all the good advice and getting herself into a very vulnerable position. Can't watch it any longer. I'm out.

I’ve asked mumsnet to delete this thread as it’s made me very upset.

Because you need help. That's why you posted in the first place. Reach out for help in RL. Whatever the issue is (and it's not likely to be a clear cut 'fault' scenario) and the reasons why you are so afraid, this is no way to live.

I'm sorry we've upset you op. I think the situation it is just so obvious to the unbiased observer, although it must be so much harder for you to see clearly, living in the middle of it.

It's upsetting watching you return to the status quo when you are in such a vulnerable position, and to hear you saying things like 'he would never do that' because we've been here long enough to know that nobody can ever know that for sure.

Please just keep some of the advice here in the back of your mind, seek rl support (what advice did your mum offer?) and post again if you need to. Remember, just because advice is upsetting you doesn't mean it isn't good advice.

I wish I would have listened to you all. He has already forced me into doing two things today.

First going to church this morning
Second going to his parents house for dinner.

When he knows I am not good around a lot of people.

I did tell him that I didn’t feel comfortable with it all, you may say I need to grow up, but if I am going to be around plenty of people, I need days to prepare myself.

When I told him I feel uncomfortable he said “Well you need to get used to it” he never gave me any assurance that things will be ok, I guess I would have been ok if he did...

I was very anxious but managed to put on a brave face.

I am going to sort out my own accommodation for me and DS and I will leave once it’s all in place. I know it is going to upset DS, but I need to put myself first for once, right?

I feel as I am just a disgrace and a failure, I’m 27 years of age and I’m unable to do things that others take for granted.

I need to go and see someone who can help me, I did go to private therapy before but I didn’t “trust” the therapist.. silly I know.

I just don’t know what is wrong with me, and I am ruining my little boys life, I feel as if he would be better off without me, but he is all that I have.

He most certainly would not be better off without you. You're his mum! You're not a failure, you're trying hard to be strong but you're not there yet. You will get there. Finding your own place for you and DS is a good plan.

I have spoken to him I said that I will be leaving him and he said that DS will be staying with him and don’t try and fight him because with my mental health I will not win.

I don't know anything about your mental health, and I don't think anyone on the internet is in a position to know whether you are a danger or neglectful to your ds.

But I do know that men often make those sorts of threats, and they seldom come to fruition.

Get rl support, get legal advice, see your gp for support regarding your health.

OP, you need legal advice. You also need help with your MH, it’s not bullying to suggest you spend time with his mother or go to church, and I can see why if this is how it always is for you, he feels trapped in this relationship.

However, you need to seek advice wrt your DC, not think about threats but think about what is legally the best option here. People are frustrated with you because you are blatantly not taking any of that on board and instead are expecting people to agree that he is out of order for wanting some change as well in order to make the relationship work.

Did you see the gp like you said you were going to?

You are neither a disgrace nor a failure, I would use those words to describe your DP.

I wish you all the strength and support you need in the coming weeks and months.

Yes I went to see my GP today, he is going to refer me to the CMHT, so I am feeling a little hopeful.

This morning DP said to me “When are you leaving, can you go ASAP” I ignored him, I’m not leaving without my son.

I also called the family solicitor today, I am going to go and see her on Wednesday.

You seem to be making good progress - a firm decision, gp and now legal advice too.

It is hard living with someone with mh issues, but he does not appear to be behaving kindly or reasonably.