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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He has ended it.

179 replies

VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 14:23

I have had to name change for this one.

After a week of disappearing, he has said that he no longer wants to be with me, because I don’t make him happy.

(There is a little bit of a back story) I will be honest I am hurt by him telling me this. He has also said that DS6 and I will have to move out of the house because he wants to sell it ASAP. He has told me to find an apartment and he will pay the rent for me.

I don’t have many people in real life that I would feel comfortable discussing this with, I guess it is because I am embarrassed.

OP posts:
RainyApril · 14/04/2018 22:16

I'm sorry that this is happening to you op. After just three years in the property, which is in his name only, I don't think you will have any claim on it. Indeed, I think he will only be responsible for cm. I do think you need an hour with a solicitor to confirm this. it is easy to arrange and it doesn't sound like money is an issue at the moment. He owes you sufficient time to do that, and to find a new property, at the very least.

Original poster
VeganAsia · 14/04/2018 22:17

Beaverhausen I am not going to get the police or anyone else involved in this, he is not a threat to me; he has never been aggressive towards me, the most he can do is just talk. I am not down on anything in regards to the house.

I think maybe I am going to take DS and go to my mums for the time being, then next week look for a place for me and him to live, I just need to stay strong.

OP posts:
RainyApril · 14/04/2018 22:38

You must seek legal advice. You may be able to establish an interest in the house, in your ds's name if not your own. You may be able to claim compensation for being forced out of the house. You can formalise his promise to pay rent. You have certain rights if you were engaged, as a promise to marry. None of us can advise you properly, but for £2-300 you can talk to someone who can. It is worth doing to protect your ds even if you don't want to do it for yourself.

Original poster
VeganAsia · 15/04/2018 08:06

He turned up at 1am this morning, and woke DS up, he then got in bed and went to sleep he has not long ago left with some of his things.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/04/2018 08:21

WTF does he think he's up to?!

Original poster
VeganAsia · 15/04/2018 08:32

I don’t know, before he left he said if I am not willing to find somewhere else to live he will find somewhere for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
VeganAsia · 15/04/2018 13:32

I am going to go and stay at my mums, I can’t cope with this.

OP posts:
Qwertytypewriter · 15/04/2018 14:31

We all have sympathy OP, you must be in shock with all this, but you're going to need to get proper advice and look at practicalities, for your DSs sake as well as your own. I hope your DM can support you in going to citizens advice or similar, to find out what steps you need to take. Everyone is telling you this for a reason - you can't rely on a man who is throwing you, and his own little boy out, without giving any explanation, to continue to pay for a flat for you (even if he starts to), you need to get an official arrangement in place for his payments to support his child.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/04/2018 20:53

You do not have to do what he tells you. In fact I'd be inclined to do the exact opposite. He's not your boss. He doesn't get to tell you what to do

Original poster
VeganAsia · 15/04/2018 21:10

Qwertytypewriter

I am now at my mums house, he wanted us out now we are out, I will have to explain to DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
VeganAsia · 15/04/2018 21:38

BitOutOfPractice I know I shouldn’t have left, but I think it’s for the best.

OP posts:
Chippyway · 15/04/2018 21:55

Oh ffs come on OP stop being so naive!

“I trust he will pay the rent” “he won’t change the locks he isn’t that crazy” “he won’t do that” - YOU DONT KNOW THAT!!!

I bet once upon a time you didn’t think he’d be forcing you and his own son out of his house yet here he is doing just that

I mean this kindly, grow a backbone, get angry and get smart with some legal advice! “What can a soliciter do?” Really?!

Original poster
VeganAsia · 15/04/2018 22:09

Chippyway I am not being naive, I know him and I trust him to pay the rent and I know he wouldn’t change the locks.

The house belongs to him, so I’ve always knew that if anything was to happen it would be me that would have to leave.

OP posts:
WinterSunglasses · 15/04/2018 22:51

Sorry OP but I would be really cautious about assuming you know what lines he won't cross. There are many threads on here by women completely shocked by their partner's sudden and dramatic personality change once he's announced he wants to break up. Protect yourself and DS and don't assume he will continue to do the best thing for DS.

RainyApril · 16/04/2018 05:41

I'm glad to hear you're at your mum's house op. You must still be reeling from the shock. I hope your mum looks after you and gives you good advice, and that your xp follows through on his promises. Keep posting for support, there are sadly lots of us who have been through it. When you feel up to it, consider some legal advice so you know where you stand for certain.

Dancingmonkey87 · 16/04/2018 06:05

From experience op you never truly know someone until you break up with them. My ex was utterly vile to me our ds was only 1. The unnecessary nastiness from him was breath taking, he put claim on all the furniture, left me penniless as he spent my money before we split. I got a job moved back home to my parents and met dh never looked back, I never forget how he treated me and his ds tho. All for an ow who later split up with!

daisychain01 · 16/04/2018 07:06

He told me this on Thursday and today, he texted me asking me if I can go and stay with my mum, but yet he has told me to find a place to stay

Vegan this man is no longer the person you had the relationship so don't judge him on the person you remember him as. Texting you on such an important matter, about where his son, and the mother of his child should live, instead of discussing with you face to face, is not a decent way to behave.

Just because he makes commitments and promises now, to make himself look better and assuage his guilty conscience, does mean you have to believe him.

He could change the locks.

He could tell you he'll pay for a new flat today and tomorrow he'll deny saying it.

Reality is, you could move out, then guess what ... his monthly payments never happen. No big surprise.

You can't trust him anymore, you need to make your own decisions, and not rely on any help from him whatsoever.

Anything decent he does will be a bonus but don't count on him now.

daisychain01 · 16/04/2018 07:07

Sorry it should say:

doesn't mean you have to believe him.

ivykaty44 · 16/04/2018 07:11

Go and visit your local district council this morning and find out your options

Don’t move out of the house - you’ll be making yourself homeless with a 6 year old

Don’t go to your mums

Stay in your home

Go and get advice from 30 minutes free session with solicitor & CAB

Your not married so that makes things easier for him and harder for you and your son

BitOutOfPractice · 16/04/2018 07:51

I agree you can't trust him and you don't know what he's going to do any more. I bet you wouldn't have thought he'd ever do this weird disappearing / reappearing thing did you? But he has.

Do not trust him. Protect yourself.

crimsonlake · 16/04/2018 09:45

He wanted you out in a hurry so course he will change the locks which is easy to do, why are you so trusting? Hope you are ok.

Original poster
VeganAsia · 16/04/2018 10:59

crimsonlake I just don’t care anymore, I won’t let him break me. He has texted me this morning saying to find somewhere max £1,000 a week and he’ll give the money for the deposit.

OP posts:
Mammysin · 16/04/2018 11:13

A 1000 a week?

daisychain01 · 16/04/2018 11:18

So he'll give you the money for the deposit then he'll pull the plug on giving you the monthly amounts either now or in a couple of months time then you're on your own. Make sure whatever you pick is affordable by you personally.

You may feel he's being all lovely and supportive but dont let him lull you into a false sense of security.

dirtybadger · 16/04/2018 11:35

Im assuming that should say 1k a month not week? Confused