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Original poster

Ladies, when can a man approach you?

210 replies

BeerAndHummus · 10/02/2018 01:09

I mean, what signals do you give to show a guy you want him to approach you? Repeated glances, smile, close proximity...etc? And how to know the difference between "I find you interesting but don't want to talk to you" and "please, come talk to me"?

How do/don't you want to him to approach you?

Do you also find guys' "signs of interest" confusing sometimes?

I misinterpreted signals in the past, and I know many of my friend (males and females) did too.

OP posts:
RosemaryHoight · 10/02/2018 01:14

What the fuck is this?

zen1 · 10/02/2018 01:17

That time of night, I guess.

Original poster
BeerAndHummus · 10/02/2018 01:19

I was just reading a book about the psychology of attraction. Just got curious. And, well, you guys are still up...

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 10/02/2018 01:21

I tap dance on the nearest table while singing Amazing Grace.

No, I lie. I don’t do that.

Original poster
BeerAndHummus · 10/02/2018 01:22

Seeingadistance

Weird, I was thinking that!!

OP posts:
NameChangedForThisQ · 10/02/2018 01:22

I wouldn't really like to be approached by any random stranger, regardless of if I found them attractive or not. I'd rather meet people through work, shared interests, or other places.

springchickenn · 10/02/2018 01:24

Depends how good looking he is

SJM72 · 10/02/2018 01:34

Speaking as a bloke, signals from women are hard to understand. When I was younger I used to listen to the Spice Girls song that said "if you wanna be my lover you gotta get rid of my friends" so I started seeing this girl and I killed all her pals so I could sleep with her, but it turns out that I had misinterpreted the songs meaning.

Smile
Original poster
BeerAndHummus · 10/02/2018 01:41

SJM72 Such an insightful guy!! LOL

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/02/2018 01:47

Assuming you’re straight a good rule of thumb when thinking about approaching a random woman who doesn’t know you in any random situation - is to ask yourself “would a man appreciate it if I approached him right now?” If the answer is ‘no’ then back off. Hth

RainyApril · 10/02/2018 05:52

SJM, the lyrics are 'you gotta get WITH my friends' so that was where you went wrong there. HTH.

sashh · 10/02/2018 06:01

I mean, what signals do you give to show a guy you want him to approach you?

Women spend most of the time they are in public showing signs they do not want to be approached, headphones in, looking at book / phone, not making eye contact.

You still get approached, and the phrase, "Fuck off I'm a lesbian" somehow translates to,"continue talking to me and trying to get my number" in manspeak.

“would a man appreciate it if I approached him right now?” Add to that "I'm twice his size and look like the guy who sexually assaulted him"

annandale · 10/02/2018 06:03

The signals I give will involve me saying 'would you like to go out on Friday' and I am happy to inform you that this would mean that I am interested in a relationship with you. Sadly I don't really speak any other languages so understanding my signals will involve a knowledge of English or quick use of Google translate.

I'm currently a rather new widow so won't be giving any signals forever for some time. I actually have developed a huge crush on a health professional who is helping me, and the reason I have done that is clearly that he is a safe space for strong emotions and won't be thinking that I am flirting with him just because I am a normal human being in his presence.

GunnyHighway · 10/02/2018 06:16

Well there you have it, everyone will be single from now on

vwlphb · 10/02/2018 06:37

In the unlikely event that I’m interested in getting to know a complete stranger with whom I have nothing obvious in common apart from proximity and eyes, I will start a conversation with them.

In all other cases, I do not wish to be approached by a stranger.

Disclaimer: I can’t speak for every woman, I suppose, as we do not have a hive-mind.

Anymajordude · 10/02/2018 07:12

I wouldn't mind as long as it's done with respect. No lewd comments, arse grabbing, lunging in for a snog, whistles. It's not difficult. Ask me politely and take no for an answer if that's the case without attempting to harm my career or calling me a frigid bitch or a lesbian.

S0ph1a · 10/02/2018 08:33

I’m not a lady so don’t know if I’m the best person to answer.

But IMO the best way to approach a woman who is a stranger or ask out someone you know is this - imagine she is your bosses boss.

That’s it.

Are you imagining it now ?

That polite and friendly tone. Interested but light, with no sexual comments, touching or invading her personal space. No cheap chat up lines or trying to be smart . Making it easy for you both for her to say no. Spotting a brush off straight away and retreating gracefully.

Yup that’s it

davidbyrneswhitesuit · 10/02/2018 08:39

A good starting point would be not to address grown women as "Ladies". Urgh.

Chocolate1984 · 10/02/2018 08:48

I've never minded a guy approaching me, making a friendly comment & just generally being polite & nice. The Problem I have is when they don't go away despite very obvious clues. Men are incredibly bad at leaving women alone once they have decided to talk to them. Men assuming women want a stranger to join their girls night out, someone to talk to on the bus home from work or a stranger to walk them home. I once told a man I want you to leave me alone & he still didn't get it.

4amwriter · 10/02/2018 08:51

S0ph1a
I like that, spot on.

BuckysRoboticArm · 10/02/2018 08:52

If you look like Jamie Dornan you can somersault across the table straight into my lap.

The rest of you are on your own.

Really though, just use your words. Be respectful, be polite, like S0ph1a said. Don't keep pushing your luck. Some men can be relentless in their pursuit when they find a woman attractive. You're not entitled to go out with her just because you find her irresistible. Can't believe I even have to say that, but some men really are like that.

Wow I really don't miss single days.

FlakyArmadillo · 10/02/2018 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Branleuse · 10/02/2018 09:16

Fuck knows. When I was trying to chat up a woman once and get her interest, it was SO much harder than doing it with a bloke.

Tbh, id just assume that they werent interested unless actively coming on to you. I really rarely want a bloke I dont know to come and start chatting me up

Chattette1 · 10/02/2018 09:22

Can't bear the term "ladies", it really sets my teeth on edge.

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