Ladies, when can a man approach you?

[BeerAndHummus]

I mean, what signals do you give to show a guy you want him to approach you? Repeated glances, smile, close proximity...etc? And how to know the difference between "I find you interesting but don't want to talk to you" and "please, come talk to me"?

How do/don't you want to him to approach you?

Do you also find guys' "signs of interest" confusing sometimes?

I misinterpreted signals in the past, and I know many of my friend (males and females) did too.

So, if "lady/ies" is clearly - and frankly unexpectedly - a cheesy term. How exactly do you want us to address you?

I teach psychology at university and address my female students as 'ladies' sometimes (Some of them are a similar age as me). Never been slapped or challenged though.

So, enlighten us, please as to why this is inappropriate.

I teach psychology at university and address my female students as 'ladies' sometimes (Some of them are a similar age as me). Never been slapped or challenged though.

They are cringing inside.

Is it the female students that you are trying to approach? I suggest not approaching them at all - your age or not. In fact, just stop approaching women end of. If you meet a woman in the natural cycle of your life, and there is an attraction then general chit chat and discussion and flow might suggest taking it further.

I can believe someone who teaches psychology thinks they know all the tricks though.

For Christ's sake, Beer, it is 2018. Either you are not a very good academic (I'm also an academic, and interested in why you appear to think that being 'slapped or challenged' is something you might encounter in a lecture theatre on the average Tuesday, assuming you are not approaching your female students for sexual purposes... ), or you are, for some bizarre reason of your own connected to being a man (possibly?) on a female-dominated online forum, only pretending to have no idea at all of why addressing women as 'ladies' might be problematic.

Can this really be a surprise to you?

Please tell me its a red brick university OP?

You will know I welcome an approach because I will go up to you and start a conversation

Yes your majesty, we peasants understand. No man will talk to your unless you speak first. And mighty willing shall be having awaited your approval

I’m loving the implication that a woman who is out in public MUST be open to approaches from all men at all times because otherwise she is stuck up / thinks she better than she is / is acting above her station.

@TellsEveryoneRealFacts

Yes, you might also know that psychological projection is a real thing. So, please, don't assume things about me based on your perception of your own experiences.

Still, you didn't answer: how do you want to be addressed?

@HolyAngelus

Indeed. There's clearly a gap between what 'they' want in an ideal situation and what actually happens in reality. The amount of aggressive defensiveness expressed by some down here makes you want to jump in a ditch and cock your gun.

It’s fine to offer a woman flowers. Just not with your penis.

I'm a woman. It would never occur to me to just approach a man and chat them up.

If you want to speak to me, my name is fine. If you want everybody's attention "Okay, everybody..." is fine. "Ladies" or "girls"? Never.

If you really need to speak only to the women in a room, "Okay this is only for the women in the room..." works. If starting a thread on MN, you don't need to refer to us collectively at all. We are not The Borg.

Men or women can approach me whenever they like as is appropriate to the situation. You will know it's appropriate due to myriad factors reliant upon your own socialisation, reading of cues, the situation we are in and the intent. If I am with my husband and we are holding hands and chatting, no you may not come and ask for sex. If I am with my husband and we are holding hands and chatting, yes you may ask for directions. You need to learn to read human interaction respectfully and respond to cues. What else is there? If I smile I'm interested sexually? How can you ever have a rule like that? That way criminality and psychopathy lies.

Still, you didn't answer: how do you want to be addressed?

I have a name!

If you are addressing a room of people how about 'morning everyone'?

I have taught for years, never had a problem with addressing people in the room.

"Okay this is only for the women in the room..."

'How would you like to be addressed as a group' is a good one to follow this.

If you call your female students 'ladies', what do you call your male students?

Back to your original question of how to approach us 'ladies'. Newsflash OP. Women are individual people. We will not be able to give you a single answer that covers every female. Just use your common sense. If someone is not engaging with you then leave alone. If they are engaging with you, and you like them, then be polite and ask them out. It's really not rocket science, and tbh I would have thought someone who claims to be an expert in Psychology should be able to work out.

And drop the 'ladies' crap.

Just be friendly and try and gauge if there's some interest. As long as you're nice and friendly, most people will be fine with being approached.

Co incidentally this just popped up on my Twitter.
With courtesy, respect and politeness. Like you do with other members of the human race.
Psychology professor.

As long as you're nice and friendly, most people will be fine with being approached

Women are trying to stop the behaviour of men approaching women and here you are encouraging it. Women in general do not want to be approached by strange men. They don't want strange men pretending to be nice in order to be able to approach women.

Men should just fuck off and find something else to do that does not involve approaching.

@CB1234

And yes, I call my male students 'gentlemen.' Unless of course, I address them individually, then I use their names.

BTW, stop assuming I want tips. Re-read what I said earlier and compare notes.

FFS; Yes your majesty, we peasants understand. No man will talk to your unless you speak first. And mighty willing shall be having awaited your approval.

Are you incapable of having a conversation with a woman that isn’t a manipulative attempt to get sex or something?!?

What people are saying is ‘I enjoy talking to people in general, I do not want to be ‘approached’ by strangers for sex’

Why is this hard to understand?

Why is it hard to treat women as people rather than walking vaginas?

It's clear to me now why you are struggling to have a relationship with a woman.

You are a twat.

Maybe you need to work on that first.

(And yes, if you really actually are incapable of thinking of/interacting with/seeing women as people it probably is for the best that you never speak to one again. MGTOW is that way —>)

@Offred

Curious, how do you go from 'approach' to 'sex'?!! Just ticking the little boxes of stereotypes or often in the wrong environment with encountering a certain type of men?!

*encountering

So what do you mean by ‘approach’ then?

@CB1234

Thank you! But please, dump your emotional baggage somewhere else, preferably on the ones who actually mistreated you.

Well the woman I talk to clearly likes me and don’t think she’s hiding any dislike or hatred towards me. The problem is deciphering whether she likes me in that way or not.

I suspect not as I’m considerably older but sometimes think she might. How do you raise the subject without making it embarrassing for everyone involved?

I’d be happy if she just laughed and said you’ve got your wires crossed, but don’t worry about it but think it might make our currently nice friendly relationship awkward thereafter

Caucho - honestly, a much younger barmaid?!

Really?!

Just don’t go there... Flirting with a barmaid is annoying in itself...