Ladies, when can a man approach you?

[BeerAndHummus]

I mean, what signals do you give to show a guy you want him to approach you? Repeated glances, smile, close proximity...etc? And how to know the difference between "I find you interesting but don't want to talk to you" and "please, come talk to me"?

How do/don't you want to him to approach you?

Do you also find guys' "signs of interest" confusing sometimes?

I misinterpreted signals in the past, and I know many of my friend (males and females) did too.

Personally I am quite an extrovert and chatty person. I am generally happy to be approached, conversationally, by anyone. Male or female, adult or child. So long as;

A) They are polite (and not using some cheeses cliché of a hat up line for example)

B) They are not using aggressive or intimidating actions or tone of voice

C) They are able to recognise if I do not wish to continue the encounter and when this happens are happy to end the conversation and walk away.

I do not think I give off any specific 'signals' to say I am 'approachable', conversely I am only likely to give of obvious signals if the reverse is true. For example, if I have my headphones in, my hood up, am reading, or avoiding eye-contact then I think it is obvious that I do not want to be approached. I believe this is true of most people.

On a different note, you keep saying it's not about sex, but in your OP you state your interest is based on reading about the psychology of attraction. So I assume that you are talking about scenarios in which person A wishes to approach person B because A is physically attracted to B?

In which case I suppose I would be generally more likely to seek out there company, probably make a little more eye contact and almost certainly smile at them a little more than normal. But other than that nothing changes.

Well there you have it, everyone will be single from now on
I agree. Seems so difficult not to overstep/offend

It's really not. Just don't be a dick. If a woman has earphones in or is reading a book, she probably doesn't want to be approached. If she isn't responding enthusiastically to attempts at conversation, she probably wants you to go away. 'No thanks' does NOT mean 'convince me'. Take no for an answer and leave her alone. Don't get aggressive or call her names if she isn't interested. Don't attempt to intimidate her. Don't touch her unless she invites you to. She doesn't owe you a conversation because you find her attractive or because you think you're a nice bloke. This is all basic stuff.

If a man can't talk to a woman without overstepping or offending her, then he has a massive problem. If he's still getting really confused in which case, should he really be interacting with other people? he should ask himself 'would I say this to a man?/would I touch a man?/how would I feel if a man said this to my sister/mother/daughter?' If the answer is negative, then he shouldn't do or say it unless he's invited to do so.

There's no complicated dance steps to learn. You don't have to do maths or write an essay on why someone should date you. You just have to be a normal, decent human being, don't do anything to make people feel uncomfortable or harassed and don't verbally or physically sexually assault anyone. Why is that difficult to understand?

Ha, amazing how these threads always end up the same - psychology lecturer my arse.

You are coming across as aggressive here OP.

It’s a pub. I’m not hanging around her workplace like a stalker standing outside her office. I’m a customer

Yes, it’s a pub. You could go to a different one.

I’m in the pub opposite and she has just asked to go to her one for a drink. Must be harassing her

It IS her workplace though.

She's paid to be there and to interact with customers. You are a customer. Do over estimate anything you see from her.

What a stupid thing to say... 🙄

It’s her workplace. So if everyone stays away it won’t be her workplace as the business will have closed. I’ve been going to that pub far longer than she has been working there. Am I not allowed to go anymore?

It’s her workplace. So if everyone stays away it won’t be her workplace as the business will have closed

Youve got that backwards
Its EASIER to do your job & serve everyone else promptly if the creepy letch isnt there. Its BETTER for business. You are not single handedly keeping her in a job/paying her wages, you are getting in the way of her getting on with her work.

Sincerely,
Every woman who has ever done bar work

I’m in the pub opposite and she has just asked to go to her one for a drink. Must be harassing her

"Hello Coucho, not coming over our way this evening"?
Is not asking you out or even indicitive of being keen to see you.
Its making polite small talk with a regular BE.CAUSE.ITS.HER.JOB.

I’m not saying her asking me to go to her pub means she fancies me. But I’m not a creepy lech harrassing her either. If she thought I was I doubt she’d have asked. Anyway I’ve figured out for myself she’s just being nice and that’s it. Just don’t understand why I’m being slated so much. I think she’s nice and like her. That’s it. I’m not furiously wanking myself off over the thought of her like some people think I do

No, you are just hanging around the workplace of someone you have a crush on every spare minute you have... which is ‘stalky’...

She’s not aware you are crushing on her because you ‘don’t have the balls’ to tell her so she’s not able to make informed decisions re how to behave around you.

Making small talk with you about whether or not youre going in this evening is NOT proof that youre not making her skin crawl. Its just proof that shes polite and friendly and good at her job.

I shouldn’t have posted anything about it. Is nobody allowed to like someone or fancy someone anymore? I’m completely respectful and like I said don’t think her not being interested means she hates me or is scared or anything.

Speaking as a woman I find signals from blokes hard to understand.

Some guy I know recently told me he thought I was lovely, said I looked great, asked me if I was single. So why hasn’t he asked me out? Why would he say that stuff if he wasn’t interested?

If you dont open with "HELLO BIRDS", you arent coming in.

Swoon.

Actually if someone knew that reference I probably would swoon a bit.

Is nobody allowed to like someone or fancy someone anymore?
Oh yeah that right, none of US fancy anyone or ever have sex, thats EXACTLY what we're saying...

A. She is a captive audience to this
B. Politeness or friendliness from a female is not an invitation to be letched upon, particularly when point A. applies.

People can find someone attractive without hanging around in their workplace every spare minute they get.

You’re exaggerating now Offered and building a straw man argument. I do not hang around her workplace every spare minute but if it helps your argument you can believe what you want

When approaching a woman don't say anything that you wouldn't say to another man in prison

That's safest

Alternatively all the intelligent, confident men I have ever dated were able to speak with me in a social situation, recognise when I was happi,y and enthusiastically engaging with them and take it from there.

The others, the ones that followed me, sang at me, used a chat up line, ignored my indifference or polite refusal, got uncomfortably close, called me names, tried to persist even in the face of 'I would like you to go away now' , turned up at my house, called me a bitch etc etc, they were arseholes.

So, just pick a team really

nobody allowed to like someone or fancy someone anymore?

I’m not furiously wanking myself off over the thought of her like some people think I do

I’m in the pub opposite and she has just asked to go to her one for a drink. Must be harassing her

It’s a pub. I’m not hanging around her workplace like a stalker standing outside her office. I’m a customer

You’re exaggerating now Offered and building a straw man argument

Thanks, Caucho, it's been incredibly illuminating to read your (alien) thought processes.

Yrs sincerely, a woman who worked in a bar as a student, and had no idea that doing my job implied I was encouraging the attentions of the sexpest bar fly..

Women working in bars have to be friendly and the sheer tsunami of men who want to assume it's flirting is staggering.

It shouldn't be necessary to point it out but honestly, if you are propping up a bar daily and looking middle age in the face then it's unlikely a young barmaid sees you as the answer to her prayers.

I sometimes wonder if many middle aged men own mirrors.