Ladies, when can a man approach you?

[BeerAndHummus]

I mean, what signals do you give to show a guy you want him to approach you? Repeated glances, smile, close proximity...etc? And how to know the difference between "I find you interesting but don't want to talk to you" and "please, come talk to me"?

How do/don't you want to him to approach you?

Do you also find guys' "signs of interest" confusing sometimes?

I misinterpreted signals in the past, and I know many of my friend (males and females) did too.

*The amount of aggressive defensiveness expressed by some down here makes you want to jump in a ditch and cock your gun.^

Interesting metaphor, Beer. Well, the amount of mansplaining as to why women should be open to all approaches from men, preferably by holding up a green card and beaming sexy approval, is making me want to jump in a ditch and inhale the ditchwater.

Ladies, when can a man approach you?

Never.

@HolyAngelus that too.

When seems to beyond her duty as a barmaid though. SHe might just be a tactile person but often places her her hand over mine during a conversation or gives me a hug. So there is definitely a friendship element there. Just don’t know what extent. When I said i was much older I am outrageously so. Late 30s v late 20s

Typos galore above sorry. There is a weird delay on the phone keyboard

It would be easy enough for her to be polite and smile and serve me as a normal customer. I don’t approach her or harass her or anything.

She comes up to me and squeezes my hand and hugs me. I’m fairly confident she likes me. But it could just be as a friend and that’s that. It’s early days. If nothing has happened after month I suspect she’s just a lovely woman who’s friendly with everyone

It is absolute bullshit that men don't know if a woman is interested. If she smiles at you while talking, probably not interested. If she looks you in the eye, probably not interested. If she glances at you while walking past, probably not interested. If she chooses to not talk to you/ignores you, not interested.
If she touches you repeatedly, while smiling at you and asking if you have a girlfriend, maybe interested.

Are you sure she is actually squeezing your hand though? Maybe she's just moving you out of the way subtly, as she walks past.

Well we both know we’re single. The issue is I said earlier that it’s the done thing for the man to make the approach so waiting for her to might never happen even is she does like me.

And despite being ‘the man’ I am rubbish at making the first move. So I’m just in a state of guessing as haven’t had the balls to say anything

I’m sat the bar chatting and then she deliberately places her hand on top of mine.

I’m old fashioned and don’t tend to be touchy feely with strangers so is odd to me.

But I do some people are just very tactile and like to hug and kiss everyone and are purely platonic when doing so

Why is it even an issue though?

She is too young for you (based on your protestations on another thread that you weren’t a creepy older man looking for a 20 odd year old) and you are a customer in her work...

Also, if you aren’t mature enough to use your words with women you are interested in why are you not working on this before you look for a relationship?

(And there is no such thing as ‘the done thing’, people are all different and they like different things)

This might help:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=TMfStd3v330

I like her. I’m not creepy though. If my memory serves me correctly I said I needed to go out with someone younger because I wanted to have kids so there was another driver for wanting to go out with someone younger than me

I also don’t think being 39 is ancient!

Yes, you also said very vehemently that 20’s was too young and you were looking for early-mid thirties and were quite angered by the suggestion from others that you were one of those cliched 38 year olds looking for a woman in her 20’s...

And I remember because I repeatedly took that at face value and defended you... 🙄

You are not recognising the power differential which exists on two points here; you are much older than her and in different life stages and you are a customer in her workplace....

This should be enough for you to put it out of your mind if you do not have CF tendencies...

(And I suspect you are also much wealthier and more secure financially too since she is a barmaid. It’s not just about liking someone, you need to be conscious re power dynamics too)

And yes, I find it creepy that you are hanging out in her workplace being interested in her but ‘lacking the balls’ to be honest about that... that is creepy...

I just like people as I find them. I think she is too young because we’re at different points in our lives but definitely passes the half your age plus 7 ‘rule’.

I suspect if I went out with someone late 20s I’d be in too much of a hurry for her

So why are you hanging out in her workplace lusting after her then?!

It is creepy...

Here's a better guide

She definitely so an older personality though and is far more mature than I am. It’s my main attraction although shes pretty as well

How does her seeming more mature and being pretty have any impact on the issues re power?

You only know her in her professional capacity where she is paid to provide customer service in a profession that is notorious for employing women to directly sexually interest men so that they purchase more... A job where she will almost certainly be paid a pittance and be topping up wages with tips...