Ladies, when can a man approach you?

[BeerAndHummus]

I mean, what signals do you give to show a guy you want him to approach you? Repeated glances, smile, close proximity...etc? And how to know the difference between "I find you interesting but don't want to talk to you" and "please, come talk to me"?

How do/don't you want to him to approach you?

Do you also find guys' "signs of interest" confusing sometimes?

I misinterpreted signals in the past, and I know many of my friend (males and females) did too.

@Offred

Oh, sorry, I see what where things got misinterpreted. Different terminology, I guess. I meant, how do you know it's a 'green light' to approach someone you're interested in? Not necessarily total strangers you see for the first time or for sex.

Well I'm a woman and I don't mind if someone starts talking to me. If they're friendly I'll be friendly back.

There is no such thing as ‘a green light’.

If you are interested in taking an existing relationship further it either naturally develops or you need to be vulnerable and put it out there with the risk that it ends the current friendly situation.

Any other crap is just asking to be taught how to manipulate someone. Men and women are no different in this situation.

Offred

Well, figures of speech anyway. And yes, I see your point.

Well I'm a woman and I don't mind if someone starts talking to me. If they're friendly I'll be friendly back.

Good for you. What if you are in a cafe, trying to get some work done.Or trying to read something. Or just want some time on your own? Do you stop what you are doing and just talk to anyone who approaches you, just because they are 'friendly'? What does 'friendly' even mean? You are not friends with strangers, that takes time. Perhaps you need some work on your boundaries?

It’s not about it being a figure of speech. It’s basic social interaction.

Either things develop naturally or someone takes a risk and says something along the lines of ‘I really enjoy spending time with you, would you like to [insert date activity]?’

That’s how it works... people use their words to communicate if the body language/social cues are confusing...

I meant, how do you know it's a 'green light' to approach someone you're interested in? Not necessarily total strangers you see for the first time or for sex.

Just stop approaching people. It is stalky and asking for 'green lights' is rapey. Women do not exist to be approached.

Offred,

We're more or less on the same page.

If you are not prepared to be vulnerable or take a risk you probably don’t have the skills necessary for an adult relationship TBH.

Well the woman I talk to clearly likes me and don’t think she’s hiding any dislike or hatred towards me. The problem is deciphering whether she likes me in that way or not.

STOP HARASSING A WOMAN DOING HER JOB.

Fucking hell.

@TellsEveryoneRealFacts

I'm happily married, by the way. Also, 'stalky - rapey' is heavily defined by the way you view yourself and the level of your insecurity. Although, I tend to agree some of your concerns are genuine. But generalisation is where things go south for you.

I'm happily married, by the way. Also, 'stalky - rapey' is heavily defined by the way you view yourself and the level of your insecurity. Although, I tend to agree some of your concerns are genuine. But generalisation is where things go south for you.

Things aren't south for me in any way whatsoever. You are married and yet want to know when the green light is for approaching women? Leave them the fuck alone. Your poor wife, does she know what a slime ball she is married to?

Funnily enough, I am also happily married. But have never had the need to work out when I can and can't approach men [top tip - I never have], and how to get the green light to stalk and harass them.

Weird that your comment is to turn it back and insult me. Is that what you do when the women you approach turns you down? As we've all seen that. All friendly until then eh?

I’m terrible at flirting. It’s her who instigates it

I’m terrible at flirting. It’s her who instigates it

You mean when she talks to you? That is her doing her job. Her job is to talk to people in the pub.

I’m not harassing anyone. Fucking hell. Are you Milly Tant from the Viz?

Great so now you are mansplaining how women are allowed to feel about being ‘approached’ by men...

I really think you need to understand some very basic points re what being a woman is like for every woman;

It means being sexually harrassed and often sexually assaulted in the vast majority of situations where there are men; work, hobbies, restaurants, bars, walking down the street, having work done on your house etc etc etc...

It means having had multiple experiences of men who won’t take no for an answer and who believe they are entitled to your body.

When men stop behaving in stalky/rapey ways women will stop being afraid of men being stalky/rapey. Stalky/rapey is defined by men’s stalky/rapey entitlement behaviour.

I’m not harassing anyone. Fucking hell. Are you Milly Tant from the Viz?

Lol at the way that you question men and tell them to stop harassing women and they always 100% turn it around to insult you.

All older men think the nice barmaid fancies them. That is why younger women are employed in bar jobs, it ups the sales of beer.

You don't need a psychology degree to work it out.

Caucho - the mere fact that she is paid to talk to you should put you on warning that this is not freely given friendliness and that you shouldn’t try to push it further.

Being a barmaid is a pretty awful job because of customers like you TBH.

@TellEveryone

Thank you for figuring me out, it only took a little deposition and projection. So it must be accurate...

Have a good day.

I’m not sure what you expected TBH beer.... 🙄

You have posted a vague thread asking ‘ladies’ how to ‘approach’ women and then said you are happily married....

If you want clear responses, write a clear OP.

@Offred

Possibly.

Well you know nothing about me. I’ve made about three comments and you’ve immediately deduced I’m a horrible man sexually harrasing young bar staff. Thankfully I don’t think she thinks of me like that regardless of whether she fancies me or just likes a bit of crack.

We get on really well and am not worried about that. The only thing I am questioning is whether there is more to it

But caucho.... It should already be very clear that it is not appropriate to be considering whether there is more too it because it is an inherently unequal relationship given she is a barmaid and you are a customer....

That’s why it is frustrating... because you seem not to know that...

The only thing I am questioning is whether there is more to it

There isn't.

Well you know nothing about me.

No of course not, apart from you are a man, who thinks a younger barmaid who is paid to talk to you might be interested in you. I mean, do you think we've not heard it all before? I used to go to a local pub, during the 80s and 90s, at closing time - just to make sure that my friend got into her car safely. I'd not drink and would drive everywhere - just to make sure my female friends and I all got out and home - safely. I mean, it's text book 'men think that women who talk to them probably fancy them'. So dull.

Why not, just go to the pub, speak to the barmaids as if they were normal humans, and go home?

Why is it such an onerous burden to expect men to just avoid pursuing women they have power over?